Category Archives: really not a super crucial topic

smacking monday upside the head.

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Well!

It’s Monday!

At least I think the morning has broken, though the DARK GRAY SKY indicates it may still be night. Or just… a broken morning.

My day began with me climbing into the shower and sliding immediately to a sitting position, which left a notable bruise on my ass that will soon be the same colour as the sky.

From there, I got my hair caught in my blow dryer (don’t even get me started about the damn hair. No one has even noticed I cut it yet, which should tell you HOW LAME IT TRULY IS) and poked myself in the eye with my mascara wand.

I’m thinking something is off.

Not that I haven’t done these things before — really, being a klutz/mess/goat isn’t notable for me — but all in one morning?

(Interesting note: I trained Gradon to be able to tell the difference between when I a) have just surprised myself with a klutzy move, and b) have actually injured myself. If I’m not really hurt, I’ll say “Ow!”. If I AM hurt, I’ll swear. It’s a pretty clear distinction.

And if I say nothing at all? Call an ambulance.)

Sigh.

I’m actually a bit of a stressball in most areas of my life right now, so I think my best strategy is to… think about something else.

Something else like…. you!

SO:

1. How are you today?
2. Are you wearing pants?
3. If you could choose anywhere in the world to be right now, doing anything, what would you be up to?
4. What song defines your day thus far?
5. What is your favourite food in the whole universe?
6. If I took you to Starbucks, what would you get?
7. If the US presidential election were between a squirrel and a gopher, who would you vote for?

And that’s it!

meg by the numbers.

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Cups of coffee this morning: 0

Cups of coffee I generally consume: 4

Amount of times I’ve regretted not drinking coffee: 10

Vitamins consumed: 7

Large vitamin pills choked on, resulting in hairball noise: 1

Tracks on my iPod that would make my father cringe: 400

Tracks on my iPod that would make anyone cringe: 10

Podcasts stored on my iPod: 24

Podcasts that involve cooking: 20

Podcasts with Ira Glass: 1

Times I have professed my undying love for Ira Glass on this blog: 9

Times I think he’s noticed: 0

Trees in my yard changing colour: 4

Colours they have turned: 5 (red, yellow, orange, brown, purple)

Birds in my yard enjoying said trees: 80 bajillion

Door jambs I’ve walked into since 10 am: 6

Times the jamb connected with an old jamb bruise: 6

Magazines I wanted to buy when I was out: 7

Magazines I bought: 0 (discipline!)

Fruits I smell like in any given week: 4

Fruit smells that would make my mother sneeze: 4

Times I have scorned my badly cut hair: 12

Hours I’ve actually worn it down: 1

Recipes I’ve looked up: 10

Recipes I’ll be doing: 1 (baking powder biscuits!)

Self-styled recipes I’m doing: 1 (chili!)

How much I love you: THIS MUCH

When Sneezy isn’t just your favourite dwarf.

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14

That’s right — ALLERGY SUFFERERS ARE THE MOST POSITIVE PEOPLE ON EARTH!

I don’t know if you have allergies… but if you don’t?

YOU ARE MISSING OUT!

Those of us with a tendency to “react” are truly a breed apart.

We can itch and drip and swell at stuff that most people don’t even NOTICE.

It’s like having a superpower, really — Captain Ultrasensitive!

So whether you develop hives when someone uses the wrong detergent or mowing the lawn causes your face to come off or you turn into a giant circle of pain when you eat oranges, I SALUTE YOU!

Allergics of the world, unite!

10 Reasons Allergy Sufferers Are The Chosen

10. Curious what that unique flavour in the sauce is? Wonder no more! It’s cilantro — just check out how my tongue turned into a pufferfish!

9. We are some of the most skilled amateur chemists in the world, combining sprays, pills, syrups, inhalers and vitamins to create a cocktail of relief. If a worldwide epidemic breaks out, we’ll be the ones to stop it… as long as it makes us itchy.

8. Yard work? Just try sending us on guilt trip when pulling weeds = certain death.

7. We’re the kind of nut-free that doesn’t get you mocked in locker rooms.

6. If scientists ever figure out how to convert mucous into fuel, we are GOLD MINES.

5. Cat missing? Just invite an allergy sufferer into your home. They’ll be back and on our lap in NO time.

4. Certain kinds of decongestants alter creativity and perception to the point where Thomas Kinkade paintings give off ACTUAL light.

3. Where you might have to refuse that weird, oozing snack your boss brought into the office at least five times in a day and risk offending them so you’ll have to “go ahead and come in on Saturday”, all we need to say is, “Oh, looks good, but my heart will stop!”

2. Leaders in the “post-moistened” wipe industry.

1. As Dr. McMahon said, “Sneezing is better than sex. It’s a mini-instant-orgasm. Not only that, but you keep your clothes on, you don’t get involved, you can do it in public, and when you’re done, perfect strangers bless you!”

Trust me… I’ve heard so many blessings, I may well be the de facto Pope.