When I play Trivial Pursuit, I always get the pink wedge first.
There is no such thing as, “It smells terrible, but it tastes great.” People always try and convince you to try random items from crazy places with that logic. But there is such a thing as, “It smells great, but tastes terrible.” For example: soap. And old ladies.
I am mildly obsessed with farmyard chickens. Whenever I see one, I want to take a picture. I don’t know what I’ll do with all my chicken pictures, but you can’t deny that “chicken pictures” is an awesome phrase.
50% of the time, the second wedge I get is orange.
I don’t understand people who can’t taste the difference between diet soda and regular soda. It’s like saying you haven’t noticed that someone switched your refreshing beverage for battery acid.
I am only photogenic under very controlled circumstances, much like certain types of bacteria.
Third wedge? Totally blue.
There are two things in life that turn me into a flapping lunatic: bees, and walking through spiderwebs. And Sephora. But that’s in a good way.
I don’t like spice racks. The stuff in the jars always gets dusty and scary and decrepit-looking, and makes me want to put labels like “eye of newt” and “tail of black cat” on them.
Has anyone ever had a good experience sitting in the middle seat of ANYTHING?
All those “Cash 4 Gold” ads confuse me. Who has gobs of gold lying around? It doesn’t seem like a very good business model to target pirates and leprechauns.
Sometimes the blank canvas is much prettier than the art.
Crazy high heels DO make your legs look good, but only if you manage not to walk like you’re a part of the Moon Landing. Or a jellyfish on stilts. Or like your underwear is made out of sandpaper. Or like you’re the Tin Man’s less-flexible sister. Or like… okay, okay, I think you get it.