what I know.
I know how to convert Celsius to Fahrenheit and back again.
I know how to make a flatline poker face.
I know how to get those stains out of your grout.
I know how to choose a good melon.
I know how to drive men up the wall… and not in a good way.
I know how to drive most people up the wall… and sometimes, I mean to do it.
I know how to tape off a room for painting.
I know how to make your PC run faster (get a Mac to chase it! Ohohohoho…)
I know how to how to stand up for what I believe.
I know how to say seven bad words in French, two in Yiddish, four in Italian, and many, many bad words in an Irish accent.
I know how to throw a decent spiral.
I know how to embarrass the hell out of myself in public.
I know how to knock the cap off a pop bottle with a pistol from 75 feet.
I know how to be overwhelming.
I know how long it takes to get through university when you keep changing your plans.
I know how to stop avocado from going brown before you make the guacamole.
I know how to drive a dump truck.
I know how to lull a baby to sleep.
I know how to hold back tears long enough to speak at both weddings and funerals, despite my mom crying somewhere nearby.
I know how to shave my legs in a creek.
I know how to do the perfect roasted marshmallow.
I know — despite all evidence to the contrary — how to shut up.
I know how to buy a men’s suit AND get it tailored properly… for a man, that is, not me.
I know how to live on nearly nothing in a month and make a great dinner out of onions and potatoes and a wilted apple.
I know how to make my dad laugh.
I know how to find the harmony.
I know how to hit a punching bag properly.
I know how to throw a javelin, a shotput, and a discus… but there’s no guarantee you won’t get NAILED.
I know how to play exactly four songs on the piano and five chords on the guitar. And two songs on the recorder.
I know how to draw a bowl of fruit and paint a cloud in a blue sky.
I know how to whip a sentence into shape.
I know how to throw a good party where even the oddest people there have some fun (including me.)
I know how to put things off.
I know how to make your lips look bigger, your cheekbones higher, and your eyebrows much less bushy.
I know how to put up a tent. And then put it up again when it falls down. And then again. Okay, maybe I don’t.
I know how to scare the heck out of people with my lazy eye.
I know how to break your nose if you jump out at me from a bush.
I know how to get 250 kids to stand in complete silence for whole minutes at a time.
I know how annoying I am to hold accountable.
I know how annoying I am when I get going on something that only I care about.
I know how annoying I am when I’m annoying.
I know how to pull a good shot, make good foam, and do it all 40 times in ten minutes or less.
I know how to make a list.
I know how little any of this matters when it all comes down… but I also know how important it is to know what you know.






