shame… delicious shame.

As the daughter of a father who loves jazz, bespoke clothing and the New York Times Sunday Edition, and a mother who has beautiful taste in interior design, possesses a thorough knowledge of art history, and tends to wear black about 70% of the time, I have no idea how I ended up choosing flip flops as a wardrobe staple, loving the trashiest music of the mid-90′s, and knowing the names of every member of Dog the Bounty Hunter’s family.

Sigh.

Sure, I have many tastes in common with these lovely, cultured people who tried to provide me with classy genes, but I also, well… I read US.

I’ve done posts here inviting people to share their most shameful loves, but every single time I whip people into a confessional frenzy, someone pops up and says, “Why are you ashamed? I really like that stuff, and I don’t see anything wrong with it!”

Which is true, really — the idea of some things as “shameful culture” is highly variable. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, and so on.

But we’re not talking about snobbery here. We’re not talking about stuff you proudly love and shout from the rooftops and are a fan of on the Facebook. I ain’t judgin’. Dig what you dig. Be proud. I could give a rat’s ass if EVERY SNAZZY LADY ON THE STREETS OF BOSTON STARED AT MY FLIPPITY FLOPPITY FEET IN DISDAIN.

No, what we’re talking about is the stuff you DO hide because it makes your friends and family groan, the stuff you don’t talk about at the office because your boss would demote you, the stuff you KNOW would make your spouse question your sanity, the stuff you see the WORLD mocking relentlessly… but you?

YOU CANNOT GET ENOUGH.

I want you to out yourself right here.

And I shall do the same.

SHAMEFUL JOYS

(I can hear my dad weeping already)

Million Dollar Listing
New York Fries at the mall with the “Cajun” salty stuff
Cosmopolitan
Singing along with Celine Dion (ONLY CERTAIN SONGS, I SWEAR)
Awards shows (and crying at speeches)
Extreme Home Makeover
I really love the little Polo horse and the little Lacoste alligator on my clothes
The entire Real Housewives franchise
Online personality quizzes
Compulsive lip gloss purchasing
Large, fake, cheap jewelry from Forever 21
Cherry Kool-Aid powder, consumed DRY
Uggs. Really. I want more pairs
Lik-M-Aid
Fake tanning
Boy bands
Anything “Salt N’ Vinegar”
Dance floor hits that rock dentist office Christmas parties: Disco Inferno, ABC, Mambo No. 5, and pretty much anything by C + C Music Factory

… and you?

monday love list: because i can, and i should.

Usually I write my love lists on Fridays, but I think this Monday could use a bit of mental sunshine.

Not only is it cloudy (I keep typing “cloudly” when I mean to type “cloudy”, which makes me think of “studly”. Then I try to picture what “studly” weather might be. Any guesses? No? Okay, then) and gloomy outside, but it seems that (in a fit of creativity) I’ve chosen to outfit myself in three shades of gray today (dove, charcoal and… uhhh… cement? Can a copywriter for J. Crew help me out here?)

Gray + gray = extra gray.

Let’s add a little color, shall we?

THINGS I LOVE

Grapefruit juice: You can’t miss with orange juice in the morning, but I really enjoy the more bitter and acidic (Hugh Grant vs. Hugh Laurie?) choice of a glass of grapefruit… especially when you take a swig after brushing your teeth or having a sip of coffee. ZING! Sure, everyone loves sweet, but grapefruit juice slaps your taste buds and ignores the safe word. And you can always do a glass of “Ruby Red” if you want something more tame.

Roasting things: I am on a major roasting kick lately. There’s nothing quite like a bit of meat or fish or chicken or potato or carrot or parsnip or whatnot with a crispy, herb-y, salty outside, and a rich, hot, moist inside (whoops, that description went a bit Sidney Sheldon on me.) Roasting allows me to indulge my love of marinades and basting, too… AND WHO DOESN’T LOVE BASTING? It reminds me of tanning as a teenager, especially that one time we used cooking oil and foil. And rosemary and thyme, of course. Just kidding. About the second part. Sigh.

Giant handbags: I am well aware that I don’t need to carry as many items with me as I do on a daily basis (keys, giant wallet, iPhone, brush, various hair implements, hand lotion, hand santizer, three shades of lip gloss, two types of lip balm, powder compact, umbrella, Moleskine, water bottle, jumbled bottle of Advil and antihistamines, pashmina… and a paaaaartridge in a peaaaaar tree.) Someone always feels compelled to mention that my giant bags are bad for my posture, too. But if I didn’t have a giant purse, I’d need a little red wagon, and let me tell you, those are TOTALLY awkward in coffee shops.

Citrusy perfumes: I really enjoy smelling like someone just picked me off a tree in Florida. I’ve already established my love of grapefruit, but pretty much any citrus note in a perfume (lemon! orange! bergamot! tangerine! kumquat! other stuff with pulp!) makes me want to drench myself in it like it was cooking oil, and I’m lying on a piece of foil. Wait, what?

Kindness: Okay, that’s a little vague, I know, but who doesn’t love kindness? I’m talking everything from holding doors open for people, all the way up to helping them achieve their goals… with the occasional gift latte (which I will not look in the mouth, like a gift horse, but rather drink. The latte, not the horse. Though I have been a little hoarse lately) and hug in between. Big things and little things. Momentary things and lasting things. Anything people do with an eye to making someone else’s second, minute, hour, day, week — whatever — better. That’s good stuff.

Long tank tops:
I don’t think I wear anything (except dresses) without some sort of camisole or tank top underneath, and I like them long. I like them with spaghetti/thin straps, and stretchy/tight, and long to the hips. I own several, mostly in white/black/charcoal, and when I find a brand I like, I buy several. On the other hand, I eschew shapeless tank tops that tend to end around the waist. They make me think of the 80′s, and unless we’re talking WHAM! or SweetTarts, that’s a bad thing.

Short, bright nails: I have ridiculous fingernails. They resemble itsy bitsy Pringles chips, all curved up at the ends. I inherited their uniquely lame shape from my grandfather, a genetic slight which I continue to hold against him (what can I say? He’s Irish, he’s used to a grudge.) I also have ridiculously small hands, which means that everything past my wrists is… well, ridiculous (this applies to the stuff above the wrists as well, but that’s a whole other story.) I used to paint my nails in nude-ish shades to try and pretend they didn’t exist, with occasional madcap forays into pale pink. Then I read an article by a famous manicurist (why does that title sound weird?) who said that short nails looked good in bright/dark colours. I gave it a shot once with bright red (go big or go home!) and lo, she was right. I got tons of compliments from people, and I was sold! Right this second, they’re garbed in Zoya’s “Alix”. Awesome.

Shuffle on my iTunes: Not only does shuffle bring all my musical skeletons dancing merrily out of the closets (mid-90′s New Jack Swing, anyone? No? How about ABBA? Fine, fine. ACDC, then?), it ensures that I don’t listen to the same song over and over again 100 times… which is something I actually tend to do. Because, well… if it was awesome once, WHY NOT 99 MORE TIMES. Unfortunately, I take this same attitude with cups of coffee, and then you can hear my teeth vibrating in Nebraska.

Really stupid jokes: If I tell one more person that a flying turtle is a “shellicopter”, I’m going to get slapped. BUT IT WILL SO BE WORTH IT.

My iPhone: I know, no one wants to hear about how much I love it. BUT I DO, DAMMIT. And I love the pink case it wears, and I love that it loves me back. I mean, it never says so, but I KNOW it.

And you? What do you love? What is making your day today? TELL ME NOW!

25 things i want more of in 2010.

1. Gradon
2. Coffee
3. Freckles
4. Sushi
5. Live music
6. Time with E.
7. Live sports
8. Singing
9. Learning new cooking techniques
10. Peace for all the people I love
11. Good health
12. Resolve
13. Patience
14. Shoes
15. Brunch
16. Cuddling
17. Blueberry muffins
18. The feeling of accomplishment
19. Good editing
20. BBQ
21. Hours of sleep
22. Fruit
23. Using my health benefits
24. Salsa
25. Peace