dusty fax machine
you are the steve guttenberg
of office supplies

pencil sharpener
much too dull to make a point
you should try blogging

we have football, but
we throw frozen fish, not ball
huddle is smelly

mighty maple leaf
red on flag, blue for hockey
but ends in “fs”

we like to smoke things
salmon, and montreal meat
sandwiches for all

yes, we have a queen
but she doesn’t live here, no
pansy about cold.

huge land mass, half snow
we all live by the border
go across for milk

we love our hockey
but keep your stick on the ice
we can check from birth.

loonie and toonie
don’t you be mocking our coins
throw one at your face!

you assume down there
we are all igloo bound here
no, we have condos

Yes, yes, it’s that time of year. Say no more.

Remember: you’re not lonely… you’re “paring down”.

married friend set-ups
are like undies bought by mom
hello, awkward fit

ask not if these pants
make your ass look big, my friend
just take the whole couch!

eHarmony is
the Internet’s “quill” or “spray”
nature says BEWARE!

there are few people
who don’t have a match somewhere
i don’t mean your cat

all you need is love
so the song goes by that band.
yeah, right. no caffeine?