megfowler.com

we have football, but
we throw frozen fish, not ball
huddle is smelly

mighty maple leaf
red on flag, blue for hockey
but ends in “fs”

we like to smoke things
salmon, and montreal meat
sandwiches for all

yes, we have a queen
but she doesn’t live here, no
pansy about cold.

huge land mass, half snow
we all live by the border
go across for milk

we love our hockey
but keep your stick on the ice
we can check from birth.

loonie and toonie
don’t you be mocking our coins
throw one at your face!

you assume down there
we are all igloo bound here
no, we have condos

Yes, yes, it’s that time of year. Say no more.

Remember: you’re not lonely… you’re “paring down”.

married friend set-ups
are like undies bought by mom
hello, awkward fit

ask not if these pants
make your ass look big, my friend
just take the whole couch!

eHarmony is
the Internet’s “quill” or “spray”
nature says BEWARE!

there are few people
who don’t have a match somewhere
i don’t mean your cat

all you need is love
so the song goes by that band.
yeah, right. no caffeine?

Ah, yes. It’s that time of year again.

Remember?

The water is growing in turbidity rather quickly. NTUs of less than 1 are the goal, at least.

Our reservoir has 37 NTU. Ack.

That’s not so much okay.

As soon as we noticed the brown water coming out of the tap, we made sure to stop by the market and pick up a couple of cases of water tonight. We didn’t want to be left without drinking water — or with nasty brown boiled water outside of campsite livin’ — if we could help it.

After all, the last time Vancouver went into a tizzy like this, we saw more than a few dust-ups over the Precious Bottles of Health as stores ran out of stock.

(I’ve got a mean right hook… but you know, the manicure.)

We also went to Whole Foods, because the market didn’t sell my favourite bottled water, Fiji.

(I know… I’m embarassed by that sentence, too.)

While I was buying Fiji, I decided to buy a few other kinds, too, to see if there wasn’t a flavour (WHAT? THEY HAVE FLAVOUR) I liked better. And that’s when we decided to have a taste test.

I know.

I know.

Total geeks.

But we did a blind taste test. And that’s scientific.

The cases of water we got were Dasani, so that was the first on the list.

The kinds I bought were Ty Nant, Penta, Volvic, and Fiji.

Here are our notes and our taste guesses:

Turns out:

Dasani sucks.

Volvic sucks.

Fiji is my favourite, Penta is Cat’s favourite.

But anything is better than brown water.

A haiku to finish:

turbidity is
a quick trip to tummy pain
light a match, okay?

It’s so shout-worthy.

I love sunny days in October, all blue skies and red trees and silvery leftover puddles melting into leaf-stained sidewalks.

I love it when it’s just a bit cold out, when breath becomes visible and cheeks go all rosy after more than five minutes outside.

And I love it when the fluffy-not-rain boots you bought make you feel as though you could be ambling through the streets of Aspen instead of just heading to Whole Foods to buy a $7 tomato.

Granted, this is a beautiful city no matter what type of weather we face.

I know I go on about the monsoons, but there’s something lovely and fresh and impossibly lush about the city after a good downpour.

Still, there’s nothing like sunshine on the water, or parks filled with runners and stroller-bound babies in weird fleece hats, or golden rays stealing unexpectedly into the living room just to remind you that the coffee table could use a dusting.

I definitely like you with the lights on, Vancouver.

Here’s a haiku in honour of a bright day in the ‘Couv:

o flame-coloured trees
backlit like saints in stained glass
hope canucks win soon

justin timberlake
squealy girls call out your name
i am twice their age

Get the rest here.

my city lit up
metal and glass cut blue sky
yay roadwork delays

hair like Mount Sinai
snake oil, prayer cloth, hand on screen
bit Haggard, are we?

looking for web love
blurry shot cropped at the chin
recent parolee.

bald-headed pop star
oh, not girl, not yet woman
you can have my toque.

In honour of my neighbours to the South — and I don’t mean the dude that lives downstairs — some Thanksgiving haiku.

Tryptophan is good
White meat brings sleep of the dead
Birdie Lunesta.

Let us watch football
Grunting men in tight-ass pants
Boy, am I thankful.

Cranberry jelly
Cylinder of rosy red
Oops, the tablecloth.

Cornucopia
Why so many syllables
For such a short word?

Bread up the bird ass
Oh, delicious cavity
Stuff it. Stuff it good.