megfowler.com

I know, I know… I didn’t post on my birthday.

And it’s not like anyone was waiting with TRULY bated breath, but I do feel badly that I’ve:

a) concerned people who EXPECT ME TO KEEP MY PROMISES, DAMMIT
b) missed commemorating a major moment in my life in a timely fashion
c) left anyone with the impression that I went on some supernova bender
d) caused my Dad to hit refresh endlessly for two days without any payoff

I DID turn 34 successfully. Seriously. It happened. Go me!

And no, no true wildness, though we did cheer for a truckful of firemen and I did have to fend off a drunken man who was far too interested in my… well… parts.

It was a chill day overall, complete with the gift of a dozen roses from someone entirely amazing, a Hydradermie Facial from my lovely friend Catherine, and a great dinner out with Cat and Ash. I really wanted to keep everything small this year, and Cat gave me my wish, although she did ask up to the afternoon before if I was regretting that we weren’t doing a party.

Nope.

(The facial was amazing, by the way… they used buzzing machines and rollerballs and 6,237 different lotions and a gauzy masque and 18 towels and odd-smelling moisturizers and potentially a palm sander.

Seriously, though — one of the machines I HAD TO HOLD A GROUNDING ROD TO AVOID ELECTROCUTION. A GROUNDING ROD.

I don’t even know what that is, but I held it, lest my face get shocked off.)

Today I got to see my parents, who gifted me with candy from my favourite candy store in Cannon Beach, OR, SIX BUNCHES OF TULIPS, some other fun treats that made us all laugh, and a HANDBAG (white, good hardware, lots of pockets.

Because they understand me. And that I have things I need to carry about, none of which is a small dog or a Glock.

I should also note that, the day before, I got flowers and cake and happy cards from my lovely coworkers, and the unintentional gift of an hour-early departure due to bitumen fumes overtaking my floor.

Awesome!

Now it’s time to head to bed before another work week. I think I have to go to the doctor for yet another inflamed/injured/angry/unresolvedly bitter body part, and I am also getting my eyebrows ripped off.

Partly. By an expert.

Look for my more thoughtful take on 34 tomorrow, when I’ve given said parts a chance to rest up, and my brain can focus on meaningful ideas.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Oh, it’s a rainin’. And it’s gonna rain for DAYS.

And DAYS.

And DAYS.

The worst part? No one can assure me it will EVER STOP.

Least of all the weather people in Vancouver, who have a thankless, humiliating job akin to being a stand-up comic with NO MATERIAL.

So, in order to get through these days of wet ankles and fluffy hair and SuperGulp puddles, I propose we go somewhere else.

Mentally.

It’s the ultimate Economy Class.

So close your eyes (well, you can open them to type, if you want) and put yourself wherever you want to be…

1. Ideal vacation spot?

2. Ideal accommodations?

3. Ideal daytime activities?

4. Ideal nighttime activities?

5. Ideal transportation?

6. Ideal cuisine?

7. Ideal companions?

Do tell.

Oh, chile… Friday was a long day at the end of a long week at the end (well, a day after) of a long month.

I was spent. 2008 is working me thus far.

I ended up falling asleep sitting up yesterday.

Whoa, you know? But every day is a new day.

And, given a new day, I did 10 things:

1. Slept in late after sleeping for seven hours solid. That’s rare.

2. Had peanut butter toast and coffee while watching HGTV in my pajamas.

3. Got the best manicure-pedicure EVER. Seriously. Why did I ever go anywhere else? This girl reefed on my calluses like she was digging her way out of prison. I have baby feet. BABY FEET.

4. Sat out on the pier in the sunshine and drank a caramel macchiato.

5. Became confused about Groundhog Day, and actually asked, “Now, what’s the thing they stick down the hole? What do they use for that? A gopher?” I still can’t explain where my brain went in that moment.

6. Took the longest, hottest shower on record with my happy brown sugar scrub, emerging both smooth and cookie-scented.

7. Crawled back into bed after that, giant towel wrapped around my head.

8. Got up, glammed up, went out for dinner (see above…)

9. Ate so much Greek food, I may well pop. And leave a faint smell of garlic in the air.

10. Caught my heel in the sidewalk next to my house, and squished my toe when I flew out of my shoe in a garlic-scented trajectory.

Best day ever? Maybe.

Spent too much money? Absolutely.

Relaxed? Almost.

And you?

Hey!

It’s freakin’ snowing!

Awesome!

(Buzz, not a word about my photos going outside the lines. What are you, a kindergarten teacher?)

Or sorta, at least:

I was kinda unprepared (thank you, phone camera.)

BUT! While I was out, I saw two fun things (taken with phone camera, too):

Oranges with pet names…

And EGGPLANT PENGUINS!

That’s just weird. Nutritious, yes. But weird.

And here’s me in a shot taken by Justine’s camera phone (in Justine’s glasses) while out with my peeps last night:

Elton, or chic? You decide.

The best part of last night was Catherine and I inadvertently ending up out for dinner at a pub that was ACTIVELY celebrating Robbie Burns Day. We laughed so hard, we could barely eat. It was AWESOME.

Singing! Dancing! Shouting!

YEAH!

WOO!

HEY!

Wanna vote for me at the Canadian Blog Awards?

Okay! Go here:

Best Personal Blog

Best Blog Post

And want to vote for Angella, whom I love? Okay! Go here:

Best Blog Citizen (and she is!)

Best Blog Post Series

Oh yeah! And you should vote for Rebecca for Best Local Blog, too.

Whew!

And really, once we were on the boat, the lighting was nearly nada.

During the course of the night, I managed to do all of the following:

Take a couple cabs with super-chatty cabbies, one of whom said, “Well, hello, party girl!”
Get approximately 1,563 compliments on my earrings
Lose a blinking snowman in my dress
Choose from a buffet on a very, very rocky boat (watch out for tumbling prime rib!)
Dance in red, red shoes (that’s in the store)
Ride on a school bus
Get my ass grabbed
Buy pizza for a homeless guy

As far as I’m concerned, a complete evening.

Look tomorrow for a Saturday love list!

I’m busy finishing up some work at home, and then getting ready for my work Christmas party… which should be very fun.

I even have new red shoes and some sparkly earrings!

I’ll post some cell pictures tomorrow, since my camera doesn’t fit in my tiny purse.

Love to all!

from my dad, an hour and change away…

But that didn’t stop your intrepid Vancouverites from hitting Bright Nights and the Christmas Train at Stanley Park.

Even if we got completely soaking wet and I had to wear my old-school GoreTex and BRRR…

It’s worth it.

And we saw a couple other strange things, too…

Um.

It SNOWED.

Okay, well, it snowed other nearby places earlier this week, but finally?

I SAW SNOW.

ON MY OWN DECK.

ON MY OWN STREET.

And a lot of other places, really. Which is nothing short of AWESOME.

I’m not sure the rest of my fellow Vancouverites feel the same way, after witnessing a few grim looks (and vehicular near-fatalities) while out and about today.

Vancouver has a complex relationship with snow.

We don’t get it too often, because our temperatures don’t generally drop below 0 C. I mean, yes… we’ve had our freak storms and bizarre drops and icy outflows and blizzards, but they are infrequent, to say the least.

So infrequent, in fact, that we speak of snowfalls by YEAR, not by date or season.

That’s why, when it actually happens, we’re either totally excited… or totally beside ourselves.

I’ve put together a little “Who’s Who” of snowed-upon West Coasters to illustrate my point further:

The Lifelong Vancouverite Who Will Never Leave

Wearing: Raincoat, in firm belief the snow will turn into rain soon. Sketchy gloves from 1987. Shoes made to hold out water, not gain traction. Confused expression.

Driving: Erratically. Refused to get all-weather (read: snow) tires on SUV, because WHEN DOES IT SNOW HERE? Experiences radical road rage at everything from child on sidewalk to bus driver to own family in car. Listening to all-news station waiting for reports that the rain has started SOMEWHERE, FOR THE LOVE.

Heard remarking: “Is it raining yet?”

***

The Lifelong Vancouverite Who Pines For Seasons

Wearing: Giant parka purchased during cruise to Alaska in 1988. Expression of complete joy.

Driving: With expression of false confidence. Does donut to avoid hitting squirrel. Pulls out ice scraper with glee every time he gets back in car, though there never was any ice on his car.

Heard remarking: “Man, this is nothing. I don’t know what those folks on the Prairies are talking about. This is a piece of cake!” (shortly before falling on ass in entryway to Whole Foods)

***

Vancouverite Who Moved from the Prairies or Ontario ON PURPOSE

Wearing: Hooded sweatshirt, flip flops, expression of feigned ignorance. What? This won’t last. This is nothing. Seriously, it won’t last, will it?

Driving: Just fine. It’s like riding a bike. Sigh. Deftly avoiding actual Vancouverites.

Heard remarking: “Honestly. It won’t last. It never does. I’m from Swift Current. You don’t KNOW snow.”

***

Vancouverite Prairie/Ontario Transplant Missing Home

Wearing: Down coat, scarf knitted by Grandma Penner, cellphone stuck to ear calling mom in Winnipeg, starry-eyed expression skyward.

Driving: On very expensive, very optimistic snow tires. Just in case. Dad said he’d pay for them.

Heard remarking:“I don’t know. Maybe I COULD find the money to come home at Christmas…”

***

Vancouverite Child

Wearing: Giant puffy jacket just purchased at Old Navy, ridiculous fleece hat sewed by quirky Aunt (never previously worn), rainboots and three pairs of socks.

Driving: … their parents insane.

Heard remarking: “When can we go out? Is there enough for a snowman? I can’t use a baby carrot for the nose! Is school canceled yet? Can I go outside before bed?”

Heard remarking tearfully, two hours later: “Mommy, why is it raaaaaining?”

***

Vancouver Tourist From Much Warmer Place

Wearing: Coat purchased from hotel boutique, umbrella, inappropriately heeled shoes, camera around neck to document that YES, I KNEW IT, THERE WOULD BE IGLOOS!

Driving: No driving. Tour bus.

Heard remarking: “When do the penguins come out?”

***

Meg

Wearing: Puffy coat, pashmina, Uggs, aura of total joy.

Driving: … her stomach into oblivion with Gingerbread Lattes on endless snowy walks.

Heard remarking: ‘AAAAAUGH! #$%@!” (while falling down steps) Then: “No! I’m okay! Seriously!”

***

I have to tell you… we don’t do snow like anywhere else on earth.

But here’s to the white stuff until Monday, when the forecast calls for “Rain, heavy at times.”

Sigh.

Try it. Let me know how you roll.