Let’s have a little chat about shoes.

I’m not known for being practical about shoes. Not at all.

I wear ballet flats and flip flops, both notorious for their utter lack of support and protective abilities.

In fact, I’d be barefoot most of the time, if someone was willing to walk ahead of me with, say, a yoga mat and a Costco-size vat of Purel.

But, in a rare moment of practicality a couple years back, I got Uggs.

Yep. Uggs.

Go ahead, laugh. My dad bought them for me (HE WANTED ME TO BE WARM) so he will likely cry (OR PUNCH YOU), but mock all you want… my toes go to sleep each night (or if I sit down too long in a weird position) knowing I’ve made them a priority.

It’s not like I’m doing this, people:

I’ve never worn them with:

shorts
a skirt
sweatpants
a miniskirt (who are we kidding?)
a sundress
short shorts (again, IT’S NOT LIKE I HATE YOUR EYES)
a bikini (now you’re just being foolish)
a panda costume (though I would… I would)

Nope, I’m all Kate Winslet in MY Uggs (sans watermark):

(I’m well aware I don’t look anything like Kate Winslet but MAYBE IN MY UGGS?!?)

Check it: warm coat. Warm pants. A scarf. Casual family erranding. She’s not trying to look stylish, but I don’t think she looks bad, either. SHE’S KATE FRIGGIN’ WINSLET, PEOPLE.

And she wears Uggs.

The most important consideration here is that Uggs keep my feet happy in the cool temperatures of New England (when we actually have them, and no, I don’t wear them unless we do)… AND they make me look like a cozy Eskimo (Inuit!) girl. Fun!

From where I stand, the primary argument against Uggs rests on the proposition that they’re not “stylish.”

“Ugg — that’s short for ugly!” WOW, NO ONE ELSE HAS EVER MADE THAT JOKE BEFORE. GOOD ONE.

And I’m not saying they look fantastic. But I think function, in this case, trumps form.

Besides, Judgy McJudgington, I’d like to point out that y’all wear some pretty goofy stuff yourselves in your quest for cutting-edge style.

Like gladiator heels, my MOST HATED SHOE.

To me, it just looks like you’ve got some sort of physiotherapy issue or ankle ailment.

Can you tell which are which?

I’m just saying.

There are zillions of less functional, more ugly pairs of shoes than the ones I use to keep my toes from freezing off, and yet the worst of these are trumpeted by all manner of style-setters and fashionistas… as they tumble from their lofty torture heels into city gutters, and fill their handbag du jour with gum wrappers, rain water, and vermin.

Blech!

So I don’t worry too much about it.

Anyway, if I had to choose:

That guy wears Uggs.

This guy? Doesn’t:

I REST MY CASE.