I made a list last year on my birthday.

I couldn’t think of anything profound to say, so I said 36 things that weren’t particularly profound.

I think I’ll do the same today. Even if it’s the day after.

I might even repeat myself a little, because I’m not going to read last year’s list until I’m done writing this one.

I might even contradict myself. You never know.

And I’m totally okay with that.

37. We all have emblematic spazzisms (not spasms, spazzisms) that we use to define ourselves to ourselves, and to others. Mine? Insomnia, mild OCD, mild claustrophobia, and not-so-mild klutziness. I guess I dream of a restful, wide-open, brand-spanking-clean world… covered in pillows.

36. When I turned 36, I was worried about a big move across a country and a border and leaving my mom and dad behind and maybe failing at all the things I was making a giant leap to do, from work to choosing love. When I turned 37, I was worried about Gradon remembering to buy the right ingredients for the dinner he was making me, because he’s kinda forgetful, and he’d frustrate himself if he forgot. That simple comparison in and of itself reveals how huge the last 365 days have been.

35. Anti-wrinkle creams work pretty much the same way wrinkles develop — imperceptibly slowly. Is there some rule that all things that take time to do take the same amount of time to undo?

34. Self-help books < helping myself to another cookie.

33. There are big moments in a relationship that we celebrate: first dates, anniversary months and years, engagements, weddings, more anniversaries. I celebrate the day we negotiated a temperature for our home that the human furnace and the human ice cube could both live with.

32. Consistency wins over perfection every time.

31. I like to be the salt and pepper in a community: the little bit of something that helps makes everyone else a bit more vibrant and distinctive and appealing. And, of course, to add a bit of flavor and bite myself.

30. There is no one thing that makes everyone happy. What seems to be most effective, however, is the realization that you can pick your own thing.

29. Agreeing about everything is boring. Fighting about everything is boring. Debating everything and then making fun of it? Now that’s a lifestyle!

28. If you’re bringing flowers to a party that’s underway, to a dinner party, or to a new mom, bring them already trimmed and in a simple vase you think the receiver would like. Just trust me on this.

27. Don’t apologize unless you actually accept you did something wrong. Making peace in the moment is a distant second to making a conscious choice not to do that thing again, and sticking with that choice. The latter makes future apologies less likely, while the former practically guarantees a repeat.

26. Everyone always rushes to tell people just how much their children do or don’t look like them, as though the goal was to create a 40% scale Xerox of yourself. I find families easier to identify by shared mannerisms and unspoken collective behaviors and the evidence of love in words and body language (if they’re lucky enough to have it), than by a hair color or a big nose or a similar frame. And as the new member of a family where every member looks pretty darn different, I say our bond is evident in how we laugh together.

25. The time to be exclusive is when no one is around to exclude.

24. The soundtrack to my romance is much more silly than I ever thought it would be.

23. I never valued the porches and decks and backyards in my life as much as I should have. The next time I have one or more of them, I may never be indoors again.

22. Whining about hills doesn’t get you up them any faster. Swearing at them occasionally works, however.

21. Quality over variety.

20. I learn by doing things, and the process of trial and error. That’s definitely how I learned to cook, and why I’m a really good cook. That’s also why I’m not a nuclear physicist.

19. Snark is not inherently funny. Tripping with a carton of eggs is.

18. I like to know the answers to questions before I ask them. And if that makes sense to you, let’s be friends.

17. If they ever find evidence that people who pathologically remember song lyrics are somehow more intellectually advanced, dinner is SO on me.

16. Not being able to connect to a wifi signal is the new being attacked by bees.

15. Not doing exactly the thing you want to be doing in life can be totally fine as long as you’re doing it for exactly the right reasons.

14. I always have an opinion. But more than that, I have a strong sense of when people do and don’t need to hear it.

13. It’s ironic that the one piece of clothing women dread wearing most is what we put on to dive into the place we are most weightless. There’s a metaphor in there somewhere, but I’m too distracted by my hips to think of what it might be.

12. I’m still learning that “make everyone happy” isn’t a reasonable workplace goal. But I keep putting it back on my list, anyway.

11. Put your phone away. I’m saying this to myself, of course. Put your phone away.

10. Sometimes it’s easier for me to jump into the water off a 50 ft. pier than it is to take two steps forward and introduce myself to someone totally new. If I could just get them to jump off the pier with me, however…

9. Other people are not responsible for your moods. They might be part of the cause, but they’re not responsible.

8. I still really, really don’t like clowns, spiders, artificially banana- or melon-flavored foods, or carnations. I’ve heard arguments in favor of all of them. I’m not swayed.

7. I used to be a far better dancer. But I am a far more entertaining one now. You totally want to go to a wedding with me.

6. I don’t choose my friends according to how much we agree on. I choose my friends according to how much respect we show when we don’t agree.

5. When my mother was 37, she had a 13 year old and a 17 year old. The weekend before I turned 37, I was hanging with a 12 year old and a 16 year old in my home, who made me laugh hard, and ate everything in sight. Close enough, right?

4. I don’t need the people I love to know intuitively what I want. I do need them to listen when I tell them.

3. The thought of being the smartest person in the room makes me totally panicky.

2. I still try and avoid watching the news.

1. I’m still completely in love.