Monthly Archives: February 2011

seemed like as good a time as any for an FAQ.

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19

1. How did you and Gradon meet?

Well, technically, like this. On Twitter, via our blogs. Apparently he liked mine. Then I clicked through to his, and lo… he was cute. We talked back and forth from Vancouver (me) to Boston (he) for months and months, via Twitter Direct Message, via Gmail chat, via email, via Skype, via iChat, and via phone. In the process, we got pretty attached to one another, and even managed to put together our first event for SM4SC with our dear friend Matt… the impetus for my first trip to Boston. Once we met? Done deal.

Did we intend to find someone to date on Twitter? Nope. Would anyone in their right mind choose someone 3,000 miles away to meet on Twitter? Nope. Was the process bump-free? Nope. Will we ever get back all the money we spent on long distance bills and plane tickets? Nope.

Any regrets? Nope.

2. Wow… so you met on Twitter. Is that unusual?

No, not really, although I guess the long distance nature of our relationship, and the fact that we were on Twitter before that darned Oprah and Ashton Kutcher probably makes it more interesting. We’ve actually been in a few newspapers and on a couple of radio shows to talk about it.

Now, of course, there are entire businesses dedicated to setting people up on Twitter and other social networks, and couples and friendships galore have sprung up from just 140 characters. This trend has also led to the creation of the word, “tweethearts.”

I guess that’s us… though I prefer “twilationship.” I’m kidding.

3. So when did you move to Boston? And why didn’t he move to Vancouver?

I moved to Boston on April 29th, 2010, after taking a position at Sametz Blackstone Associates. That’s a story I won’t be telling here, since it involves governments and paperwork. But I love the folks at Sametz Blackstone — and you should work with us!

Gradon didn’t move to Vancouver because he has a fantastic (now 12 year-old) son close to Boston that he shares custody of. A fantastic son who will be my stepson one day! Which is beyond awesome, let me tell you.

I’m not able to have children of my own due to an autoimmune disorder — a reality I became aware of just a few years ago, and something I’ve struggled with ever since. And the rules and costs and roadblocks involved in adoption are somewhat blinding…. especially for people who come from two different countries.

Which is why the blessing of this hilarious, brilliant, kind child coming into my life? I really can’t explain how big that is. I won’t even try.

4. Wow — so you moved 3,000 miles. How has that been?

I would call this move, and the adjustment to a new community that followed, one of the best and most difficult things I’ve experienced. There are some great folks here, and I’ve made some wonderful friends (including people I work with each day) who bring a lot of joy into my life.

Of course, it takes time for acquaintances to become real pals, and time to learn the social landscape of any new place. The things my friends at home know and accept and love about me aren’t necessarily the things that people see in me here, and I’ve had my moments of being confused, and feeling lonely. I miss my family terribly, too.

I also have a habit of isolating myself when I’m stressed out (I don’t barricade myself in a restroom or anything), which I know has led to some of those relationships developing a bit more slowly. And of course, there’s very little that’s unconditional about brand new friendships, so I’m sure I’ve mucked up a few potential bonds just by being my own, flawed, imperfect self. Heh.

But people have been moving to unfamiliar places to follow love, work, duty, or wanderlust since time began. There’s nothing special about this leap in the grand scheme of things… except to us.

I’m more in love than the day I first arrived here.

5. Do you like Boston?

I do! It’s a gorgeous place, really, and has far more historical significance than anywhere else I’ve lived. The shopping and restaurants are lovely, although the prices are similarly hefty to Vancouver.

And speaking of hefty prices, HEY REAL ESTATE, YOU COST A LOT HERE. My apartment is half the size of the one I had in Canada, and and the rent is about 50% more.

Any other drawbacks? Well, aside from pricey rents, the antique transit system is kind of horrifyingly erratic and slow, which means that my commute of less than ten miles can sometimes take longer than an hour. Yoinks. Also? No good sushi. Really. None. Anyone who tells you Boston has good sushi has never had sushi in Vancouver.

Any other benefits? Well, I like having four whole seasons, even if the summer was record-breakingly hot and humid, and this winter has brought (you guessed it!) record-breaking snowfalls.

It has been fun to get to know the city through Gradon’s eyes, too — he’s definitely a Bostonian at heart.

6. When are you guys going to make it official?

Well, funny you should mention that, because Gradon proposed to me on Sunday, February 20th, 2011, exactly 3 years to the day after the tweet I mentioned up there. What’s hilarious is that I’d thought the day before was the 20th, so I’d been all smiley about the three year anniversary of that tweet on the 19th. I only realized later, after he proposed, that he’d hit the date dead on.

And lest you think Gradon was more on the ball, he’d meant to ask me the NEXT day, on the 21st, on a drive we’d planned to make to Cape Cod. Isn’t that romantic?

Instead, he proposed to me in the kitchen, with French onion soup bubbling on the stove, on bended knee, while I was wearing zero makeup and some lovely sweatpants (hence why I look monstrous in the photo up there), after we’d made up from an argument. An argument with yelling!

No, he didn’t propose to end the argument (although that would have been a hell of a “nuclear option”, don’t you think?)

We were laughing and back to normal when he asked. But perhaps the recent past made that moment seem like just the right time to recognize the strength of our love to carry us through anything and everything — to put the ultimate vote of confidence in “we”.

Or maybe he just got impatient.

Do I wish there had been more pomp and circumstance? No way. We actually re-enacted the whole thing on frosty Sandy Neck Beach at Barnstable the next day (to applause from passers-by), but the moment we had in our kitchen was perfect just as it was.

He proposed with my late grandma’s ring, which I’ll wear throughout our engagement as a way of having my family close to us during this amazing time. I’d actually planned to wear it always, but the jeweler Gradon consulted said we couldn’t put a larger stone in the setting (my grandfather was practically a kid when he bought it for her, and a hard-working one at that, so the stone reflects a young man’s budget), and that the ring itself was somewhat weakened by time.

(By the way: would I have cared that the stone was tiny? Nope. But Gradon wanted a way to make it his own, and so he’ll get me a ring of my own — but nothing TOO fancy. I don’t judge anyone who wants a giant sparkler, or has a giant sparkler, but I just can’t justify something like that when there are braces, cars, college educations, and houses, etc. to pay for in the present, and in the near future. Whatever I end up with will be perfect.)

So my wedding day will bring both another engagement ring and a wedding band — but for now, Nonna’s ring is the only one I want on my finger.

Actually, when we called to tell my parents, they were in the midst of celebrating my aunt and uncle’s 40th wedding anniversary at a big family party. A week after celebrating their own 41st wedding anniversary, mind you. And my dad’s phone rang with my big news just a couple of minutes before the whole family was due to watch the 50th wedding anniversary video of my late grandparents — the marriage that was joined by the ring I’m wearing now. I had no idea the whole thing was going on, but my mom announced our news to much applause and perhaps a few tears.

I think the timing kinda worked out nicely, don’t you?

I think the marriage will, too.

41.

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My parents are younger in this photo than I am right now.

A lot younger, in fact. Nearly a decade on my mom’s part, and more than half of one on my dad’s.

And though they were younger, they had two kids, two birds, one dog, one more-than-full-time job (pastor), another more-than-full-time-job (stay-at-home mom), and a million part time jobs/callings/things to do between the two of them, including reading the local news on TV and radio, substitute-teaching art classes, and painting the sides of buses.

You can decide who did what.

They lived way up (and I mean WAY up) in Canada’s Yukon Territory, in a city called Whitehorse, far away from their families and everything that was familiar to them. And this after already living two places together that were — you guessed it! — far away from their families and everything that was familiar to them (Texas and Saskatchewan.)

When I look at this photo, I can remember these people very clearly. I remember that dress my mom is wearing, and I remember my dad’s big old glasses (far less fetching than the ones he has now.)

I can remember them in up-north parkas. I can remember them sitting in the front seat of our orange VW Rabbit during family road trips down the Alaska Highway and beyond. I can remember them taking us to Dairy Queen for sundaes in our pajamas. I can remember them in the sanctuary of the church that was a stone’s throw from the manse where we lived, chatting with people who were drawn to how lovely they both were, and are.

They were younger, yes — but in some senses, I think they had more figured out than I do at 36. But I’m working on it.

Here’s how they look now (well, last year, as we celebrated their 40th anniversary):

My mom will tell you my dad has gotten more handsome with age. My dad will tell you my mom couldn’t be more beautiful than she already was and is — but she somehow manages it anyway.

Those two children? Now 36 and 40 (and have each found their own love out there in the big bad world.) Their home? Well, they’ve lived in at least five more towns and houses since then. And the birds and the dog have gone where birds and dogs go.

They still do some of the things I mentioned above, though — except for being on TV and radio… and painting buses.

When I look at the photo above, I can remember these people very clearly, too — mostly because I spent four months last year living with them while I prepared to move to Boston, and because I went home with Gradon to visit them this last Christmas.

See?

This photo, for me, is the one that I love most of the three, and the one that speaks the loudest to me about who my parents are.

So who are they?

They are the heads of a family where love is abundant.

They’ve welcomed the people their children love with the confidence that they’ve gained more family — instead of feeling like they’re losing their kids to other families. There’s always room for more at their table.

They’ve taught us how to love by example over these 41 years, so that when we found the right people to love, we knew what it looked like, and how it should feel. And how to make it work.

And now, that photo is what my family looks like. My people, and my person.

I don’t know if I’d how to make any family work if I hadn’t had the parents I did, and if they didn’t love one another the way they do. Maybe I’d have figured it out on my own, but I’m sure glad I didn’t have to.

Because I had the best teachers ever.

Happy anniversary, Mom & Dad.

I love you.

And thank you.