I like product.

When you look at the photo above (where I organized things into “face” and “not face”), you might think I REALLY like product.

Which means this likely isn’t the time to tell you that I’ve already “thinned the herd” somewhat.

(Or that I know people who have WAY MORE! WAY MORE! TONS MORE! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!)

Ahem.

I’ve been an avid consumer of lotions, potions, unguents, ointments, sprays, toners, serums, butters and gels for years now. Sometimes I’ve lusted after pricey items with ingredients that end in “ol” or “oxy” or “um”, sometimes I’ve longed for things with cult followings (except for Creme de la Mer, because something in me just. can’t. do. it), and sometimes I’ve just craved the toothpasty magic of a giant vat of Queen Helene’s Mint Julep Mask ($4).

But there’s always been something, from the first moment I dabbed on my Grandma White’s Rose Milk lotion, or my Nonna’s Violet Water.

I learned early on that ladies could put stuff on that made them smell like flowers or fruit or cookies, and I would be damned if I was going to go around smelling no more interesting than a bar of Ivory soap (the cleanser of choice in our home.)

My mother — who looks a good 10, 15 years younger than anyone else her age, including any botoxed Hollywoodites you can show me — has rarely strayed from her soap, water, fierce-exfoliation-with-a-facecloth and aloe gel-as-moisturizer routine for her face, save for the occasional foray into the equally no-frills Clinique 3-Step System.

Her body gets a similar treatment, though she has a grand total of three lotions she sometimes applies in lieu of perfume (“Vanilla Bean Noel”, “Brown Sugar SomethingOrOtherIDon’tRecall” or “Peach”.)

Because she’s allergic to perfume, you see.

Of course she is.

She doesn’t crave product at all. She doesn’t use it. She doesn’t really see a need for it. If you give it to her, she will thank you… and forget she owns it. You could say — and likely will say — “Let this be a lesson to you! Your mom is a NATURAL BEAUTY! She doesn’t use all that junk, and neither should you.”

And if you do, I will squirt astringent in your eyes until you cry.

Ahem.

My dad is a bit more of a product person, but he doesn’t really stray from his classic picks: the Clinique M system, and a big bar of Pre de Provence Verbena or Olive Oil soap. He — a longtime Brooks Brothers and Ralph Lauren devotee — tends towards fierce loyalty in all things, including who he marries, and what he uses on his face.

He is NOT allergic to perfumes, however, so you can find vials of his favorite Ralph Lauren and Armani scents on his dresser-top. He wears them sparingly, in deference to my mother.

I don’t think my brother uses anything unless his wife leaves it in the shower. End of story.

So there’s really no explanation for how I ended up like this.

I could make the excuse that I had terrible skin growing up, but I didn’t. Not at all, really. You could count the blemishes I got before I was 18 on two hands (though I was a devoted user of fierce, angry toners to remove blemishes from the age of 11. If 10-0-6 was an area code, I could TOTALLY represent.)

No, I didn’t have bad skin until my immune system went bonkers in my late teens and early 20′s, and even then? Not so bad.

Now things are a little more crazy in the light of stress/weird health/life in general, but even now? I think I notice what’s wrong with my face long before anyone else does, if they ever manage to see it before I dab something magical on any problem areas, and put on extra mascara so you LOOK INTO MY EYES.

LOOK NOWHERE ELSE. INTO MY EYES.

Still, I can’t stop loving the product.

It’s not that I’m naive about what product can do, either. I don’t believe something is going to “clear up all signs of aging in JUST FOUR WEEKS” or that my skin will behave better “practically overnight!”. I know you can over-moisturize and overtax your skin by putting too many things on it, and so I don’t.

I just like a selection, so I can respond to whatever situation arises. Like the Girl Scout of Skin Care!

Insert happy face here.

This illustrious history of usage is the exact reason I decided to start a beauty blog last year. I even bought the domain… err, Gradon did.

We set it up, kind of, with help from Matt.

I won’t tell you where it is, because IT WENT NOWHERE.

Why?

Well, three things:

1. There are a LOT of beauty blogs. Everyone seems to think this is the key to a) making good Google AdSense money; b) getting copious amounts of free product; or c) getting a job writing at a much larger beauty blog. I didn’t want any of the three, though I was happy to receive GORGEOUS creams from Glissandra (which I passed on to Catherine, who LOVED THEM AND COULDN’T GET ENOUGH) and a great blow dryer and straightening iron from Folica (thanks, Kieran!) when I was setting up.

Until I wasn’t setting up anymore.

You should buy things from those companies, because they were trying hard to engage with social folks, and what they had to offer ROCKED (Catherine still sings the praises of Glissandra.) It’s not their fault I forgot to put the lotion on the blog.

I deserve the hose again.

2. The whole “freebie and review!” culture tends towards the icky. If I’m going to recommend something, it won’t be to get something for free. In fact, everything I reviewed on the blog (while it lasted, which wasn’t long) was something I’d bought myself.

If I had received something for free (see above) I would want you to know I’d received it for free, and that I wasn’t going to offer anything but an honest review of the product (which many bloggers don’t, because they don’t want the supply to dry up. You can tell when someone is giving you an honest review, and those bloggers are the awesome. You should read them. Right now. Instead of this. No, seriously. I’ll wait here.)

3. This has been one hell of a crazy year. I didn’t have many words or much time left after writing for clients — and if I did, I owed them both to Gradon (see above!) That’s the thing about a long distance relationship: you’d think it would leave room for more hobbies… when, in fact, it becomes your primary hobby.

So.

I love skin care products, and have failed as a beauty blogger.

Where does this leave us?

Well, I’m going to keep on loving product, and write about it occasionally here… at this blog. This one that I already have.

(And also ignore frequently.)

For three reasons:

1. It’s fun to try things that smell and feel wonderful, and de-stress by losing myself in all that smelly wonderfulness. I want to share that experience with you, if you are so inclined.

2. I like helping people find stuff that works to make their skin glowy, their hair shiny, and their limbs smoothy (smoothie?) I’m pretty confident that, if there’s something wrong with your face (other than looking grouchy all the time, or a tattoo of a cobra about to strike that you got in prison) I can help you fix it up.

3. I can now try things out on an extra, product-loving human: Gradon! Who now smells like (according to his son) “a cookie”, because he uses the Alba Cocoa Butter lotion and Dr. Bronner’s Almond castile soap I recommended for his parched skin.

I just think he smells… delicious.

SO:

What have you been using lately that you love?

What are your staples?

Got any problems for me to solve?

Want me to face the hose?

All comments welcome!

GO!