(meg, age two)

… boys are kind of gross. tackle them anyway.

… the beach is still the best place on earth.

… snacks are much more interesting than any meal.

… my mom and dad can fix anything.

… I still can’t sleep.

… bees are the only reason to panic.

… puddles are better than sandboxes.

… chubby cheeks aren’t the end of the world.

… uneven bangs may well be the end of the world.

… smiling with teeth is better, older Meg!

… this is when I learned to read, but you may just recently have figured out how to write.

… Sesame Street offered enduring wisdom:

Rubber Duckie (and Gradon), you’re the one.

Photos of celebrity cellulite

Vanilla toothpaste

“Natural” versions of unnatural products with pictures of plants on them

Being tagged in unattractive pictures on Facebook

Describing anything as “extreme!” especially snack foods

People competing to be the host of things

Pink versions of sports jerseys JUST FOR LADIES!

“Douchebag”

Social media applications with names like IKEA shelving

Vague pharmaceutical advertisements that could be about erectile dysfunction OR persistent rashes but mostly just feature people holding hands on porch swings

Blinking ads on websites

WILD! new combination beverages that include mango but are really just mostly apple juice

Wasps

Remakes of movies that sucked in the first place

Products that are supposed to be lavender-scented and relaxing but make everyone smell like a grandma

Products that have a pitch that sounds anything like, “The first just for women!”

180 degree switch-ups in public opinion of famous people when they die

People shouting their name at the beginnings of songs

Anything sneaking back into fashion favour from the 80′s

New Frappuccino flavours

E-Cards

“That’s what she said”

Larry King questions

Pandemics

This list