the five things I bruise myself on most often.
I decided to make a list, because I railed myself on four of them tonight.
I’d take pictures, too… but the reality is far too gory for the internet.
1. The side of the bathtub: In my (semi) new place, the bathtub is up a few inches from the floor. I’m not sure why this is, but what I am sure of is that bathtub up a few inches + short girl = bruised shin at least once a week. Perhaps I’ll have to start pulling some sort of Rockette move from now on.
At the present moment, however, I’m sporting a giant black and blue “goose egg” the size of a tennis ball. Should look fantastic in a couple of weeks when I go bare-legged at a wedding.
2. Door jambs: Arms, hips, hands, knees… you name it. I catch them on door jambs with nearly pathological frequency. Tonight, I took out my elbow coming through the door from grocery shopping. My landlords’ tiny Boston terrier looked at me with tremendous concern as I dragged my bleeding arm into the house. Either that, or he was trying to get me to throw his toy. Sorry, Murphy.
3. Freezer doors: I’m pretty sure I have permanent dents in my head from freezer doors. There’s something special about their height that catches me right above the ear at least once a week when I’m putting groceries away in the fridge. Fortunately, the ice is close by.
4. My dresser: Not sure why I slam dresser drawers shut before my hand is in the clear, but I have two shattered nails to show for my lack of care this evening, and an orphaned stack of laundry waiting for me to recover from the trauma.
5. Buses: What can you bruise yourself on a bus, you say? And my response: what CAN’T you bruise yourself on? Poles. Seats. Doors. Umbrellas. Backpacks. Other passengers. And tonight? Someone’s bottle of Snapple, flung at my ear during a sudden stop.
I was nailed by the Best Stuff on Earth ™.
It’s hard to believe that one person could be this accident-prone, but ask anyone who has spent more than a day with me: I am the natural enemy of all hard surfaces and edges…
… but a friend of anti-inflammatories everywhere.
June 24th, 2009 at 3:34 am
ouch!
stupid snapple.
June 24th, 2009 at 5:15 am
Ouch!!! Aww, Meg…
But that “I was nailed by the Best Stuff on Earth” line?
Instant classic.
June 24th, 2009 at 7:19 am
I run into door jambs all of the time too. This week was a new one: in a deceptively tiny bathroom stall, I went to bend down and smacked my head on the door latch. Washing my hair has been quite painful since.
June 24th, 2009 at 7:49 am
You are not alone. I too slam myself into door jambs. Close myself in drawers. All kinds of drawers, not just dressers. Whack myself with doors too. Last one was the heavy metal door leading to my underground parking. I was in a hurry and half asleep. Rammed the door into my foot and my head kept going on the same path it had been on with my feet. WHACK! Right into the metal edge of the door. But paper cuts are not my friend either…
Might I suggest toothpaste for your latest bruise? It might not deal with the goose egg but it will leech the colour of of your bruise. Bleach it right out as it were. REALLY. Trust Bruise Girl. She knows.
June 24th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Oh I have a kindred soul out there, I see. I’m currently sporting a twice-bruised right knee and a possible broken left baby toe as a result of similar such hijinks.
June 24th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Anytime you are feeling a little clumsy, I feel it helps to watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JocPcYBCN18
Makes me laugh and feel better everytime…
June 24th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
I always manage to find the door jambs too. Especially when I’m turning a corner. No idea why.
June 27th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
I’m incredibly klutzy but also totally unbruisable. I don’t know whether this is better or worse - I’m often in terrible & lasting pain, but I have no proof & just sound like a whiny bitch.
Happy recovery.