I decided to make a list, because I railed myself on four of them tonight.
I’d take pictures, too… but the reality is far too gory for the internet.
1. The side of the bathtub: In my (semi) new place, the bathtub is up a few inches from the floor. I’m not sure why this is, but what I am sure of is that bathtub up a few inches + short girl = bruised shin at least once a week. Perhaps I’ll have to start pulling some sort of Rockette move from now on.
At the present moment, however, I’m sporting a giant black and blue “goose egg” the size of a tennis ball. Should look fantastic in a couple of weeks when I go bare-legged at a wedding.
2. Door jambs: Arms, hips, hands, knees… you name it. I catch them on door jambs with nearly pathological frequency. Tonight, I took out my elbow coming through the door from grocery shopping. My landlords’ tiny Boston terrier looked at me with tremendous concern as I dragged my bleeding arm into the house. Either that, or he was trying to get me to throw his toy. Sorry, Murphy.
3. Freezer doors: I’m pretty sure I have permanent dents in my head from freezer doors. There’s something special about their height that catches me right above the ear at least once a week when I’m putting groceries away in the fridge. Fortunately, the ice is close by.
4. My dresser: Not sure why I slam dresser drawers shut before my hand is in the clear, but I have two shattered nails to show for my lack of care this evening, and an orphaned stack of laundry waiting for me to recover from the trauma.
5. Buses: What can you bruise yourself on a bus, you say? And my response: what CAN’T you bruise yourself on? Poles. Seats. Doors. Umbrellas. Backpacks. Other passengers. And tonight? Someone’s bottle of Snapple, flung at my ear during a sudden stop.
I was nailed by the Best Stuff on Earth ™.
It’s hard to believe that one person could be this accident-prone, but ask anyone who has spent more than a day with me: I am the natural enemy of all hard surfaces and edges…
… but a friend of anti-inflammatories everywhere.