I’d start this letter with a “How are you?” but I KNOW HOW YOU ARE.
Obviously you’ve had a little trouble keeping your affairs in order, since I’ve had pneumonia three times in a year and even now, I feel as though woodland creatures — SOGGY, JELLO-COVERED WOODLAND CREATURES WITH VELCRO SUITS — have taken up residence in your recesses.
I have two inhalers now. TWO.
I wear scarves everywhere to keep you warm. SCARVES. (Okay, I DO love pashminas… but FEEL GUILTY ANYWAY.)
I take cold medicine to try and dry you up, but the only thing dry about me is the skin on my legs. I BLAME YOU BECAUSE YOU’VE CLEARLY MONOPOLIZED ALL THE MOISTURE IN MY SYSTEM.
I take cough medicine because SOMEONE HAS TO DRUG THE LUNG SQUIRRELS SO THEY CEASE THEIR NUT GATHERING FOR TEN MINUTES.
I’m tired of having a backache from hacking.
I’m tired of puffy eyes from being sleep-deprived.
I’m tired of feeling winded by the act of pushing down the top of my French press.
I don’t think you like antibiotics, because you ignore them like the veggies on the side of a plate of hot wings.
I don’t think you like rainy weather, because you make me feel like I’m breathing through a sponge.
I don’t think you like me to walk around, because you make my body feel as though I’ve been doing yoga on Lego.
So what do you want?
You can tell me.
Do you want me to swallow my new blow dryer?
Do you want me to inhale some mothballs?
Do you want me to move to California? OH, OKAY. ON IT. THAT’S COOL. WE AGREE.
Love,
Meg
I was diagnosed with “viral-induced asthma” this year after a bout with bronchitis that nearly took my will to live. It was my first time using an inhaler and I have to say I was not a big fan. Though breathing without coughing for five minutes at a time was a nice side effect.
I hope your lungs start cooperating, stat.
Hey Meg’s lungs…stop dickin’ around and lay off her, will ya? Behave or else there will be consequences!
(hope that helps, Meg)
:-)
i have become a big fan of the controversial T3′s when i get to that “Awake-all-night-coughing-for-the-fifth-night-in-a-row” phase in whatever illness i have contracted from my small people. also, i borrow my kids’ Aerochamber for inhalers (they make them in grown-up size). that seems to help all those lovely chemicals go straight to my bronchi like the good little steroids they are. hey…maybe i should start a home therapy blog/website, like your skin care one, for those of us who are (or have kids who are) perpetually dealing with problems of the lungs/trachea/sinus/skin etc…what do you think?
Evidently lungs have ears?…and they’re clogged too :)
Dear Meg’s lungs:
Did you have a conversation with Raul’s lungs sometime ago? Yes? Did you all four agree to screw both of Raul’s and Meg’s lives for a while? Do all four of you enjoy hacking and coughing and otherwise making Raul’s and Meg’s lives horrendously difficult and forcing them to wear scarves everywhere? (yes Meg, I have the same problem – I’ve had that horrible thing for 10 days).
Ok, time to all agree – LAY OFF of Raul AND Meg. Get better! Get healthy! Raul and Meg have things to do! Meg has things to do! Raul has things to do! Set them free!
Ok, there. Meg, I hope you get well soon. And I hope I get well soon too!