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Merry Christmas!

I am late to the punch, but I did enjoy some punch (my mom’s recipe: grapefruit soda, lemonade, and strawberries.)

Christmas is (sadly) over for another year, though my dad keeps protesting that we should adhere to the Russian Orthodox Christmas calendar (though we are neither Russian, nor Orthodox.)

We didn’t have a Christmas eve service (due to abundantly snowy weather), but we DID have Chinese takeout and a viewing of Kung-Fu Panda (do you watch cartoons with your parents? No? YOUR LOSS.)

It was another Christmas missing my brother and newly-minted (in March) sister-in-law, and my first Christmas missing my significant other (why does boyfriend continue to sound like an odd title to give someone in his thirties?), who spent the day as he spends most days… 3,000 miles away.

Sigh. (I have to say something parenthetical here to keep up the flow, but really, just… sigh.)

I helped my mom whip up a stellar Christmas feast for her extended family, most of whom apparently were born without volume switches (a detail I included because I know they’ll read this, and then protest — loudly — the next time I see them.)

I also tried to see how many red jello cubes I could fit in my mouth to entertain my mom and dad. It didn’t go as well as planned, seeing as a portion of the same ended up in my (matching!) bra.

(Yes, I just wrote about my bra. Merry Christmas!)

Now I’m tucked into bed, but I wanted to leave a few words here in commemoration of the season. I’m going to write a little Christmas list of things I wish I could have gotten people this year, and though I’m sure I’ll forget a zillion fantastical things, well… it’ll have to do.

MY CHRISTMAS LIST OF THINGS I DIDN’T GET FOR PEOPLE BUT WOULDN’T IT BE NICE IF I HAD (OR COULD, OR IF IT WERE EVEN POSSIBLE)?

Mom and Dad: For Mom, a new Titanium back so she becomes the Six Million Dollar Mom and can lift crazy heavy things and never worry about a crick or a disc slipping like the economy. For Dad? I’d like to see GQ forgo fragrance samples in future issues, and just include suit samples. And by that, I mean full suits in good wool that fold out from the pages like the best pop up book EVER.

Sean and Carey: For my brother, a magic kilt that would enable him to travel through time to see different civilizations and meet great historical figures and also not display his bits in a stiff breeze. For Carey? A wellspring of patience to deal with my brother. KIDDING (mostly)! No, no… for Carey, I’d send her on a fantastic vacation somewhere NOT -30 C, where she could shop for shiny things all the live-long day.

Catherine and Eric: Well, for starters, I’d have had Catherine arrive in San Diego when she INTENDED to, and not at the end of a 36-hour odyssey of doom brought on by your least favourite airline and mine, Air Canada.

Perhaps they were acting in the Canadian spirit of our “low population plus large land mass” equation, and trying “low staffing plus major travel volumes.” Except that with the first equation, it means we enjoy a spacious country where each citizen gets two square miles of our very own and a personal salmon stream.

What do you get with the second equation? FLIGHT CANCELLATIONS. NOT OKAY.

Anyway, she’s there now (for the love of Pete. Err… Eric.)

Back to the list: I’d give the two of them super duper plane tickets that enabled them to go on awesome, awesome vacations (they could see the world!) but suddenly flash Catherine back home if she wanted to sleep in her own bed at night (she likes that, unless she is in a cushy-wushy hotel bed. And still, sometimes even then, her bed wins.)

Gradon: There are really a bajillion things I would give dearest Gradon, from snappy suits to a speedy new laptop to a big old loft apartment where he could indulge his minimalist decorating taste to the HILT (can you be minimalist to the hilt? Hmmm.) What I would give him MOST and FIRST, however, is THE BEST JOB EVER where his creative aplomb AND cool technical skills would be used effectively and he would be paid MANY MONIES. Why? Because he is awesome and a work ninja.

(I know, I know, that one was all sincere. I might as well be ringing bells and getting angels their wings at this point.)

I’ll add more to my list tomorrow, but for now, I’m going to go back to coughing up a lung. Or perhaps a hairball. Which is what I am getting my parents’ cat for Christmas, since she’s not a big fan of mine.

Merry!