megfowler.com

1. Wake up VERY late.
2. Sip coffee in front of the fire.
3. Go with your roommate to decorate her awesome mom’s tree.
4. Sing along to Ella doing Christmas carols.
5. Cook a steak dinner for the best roomie in the world, by hire of her lovely San Diegan boyfriend.

My life is ridiculously stressful at times, but when I get the moment to stop and spend time with people I love, I remember how blessed I am.

Hope everyone is having a brilliant weekend, and that you’re actually starting to decorate for the holidays (even if you ARE a month late.)

A haiku:

white lights glow on tree
balls of red and gold we hang
stepped on hook oh s***

Today was LAME.

There’s no other way to say it, really.

Start to finish, anything that could go wrong, did.

I wanted to write a Love List. I meant to write a Love List. I tried to write a Love List. I SHOULD have written a Love List. But.

Instead you get a GRRR list, because that’s all I’ve got right now.

GRR THINGS

Getting drenched head-to-toe by a nasty driver who chose to plow through a LAKE on the side of the STREET. Wet to the UNDERWEAR, I was. Not that I wanted to say underwear on my blog, but THAT’S HOW IT IS. I couldn’t go home because I had too much to do. But let me tell you how exciting it was for everyone and their cat to mention the fact that I was “really wet”. No kidding: I wasn’t completely dry until 2 pm. I cannot say enough about HOW MUCH THIS SUCKED.

The first thing I did at work today? Paper cut.

Second thing? Spill coffee.

Third thing? Forget to save a document.

From there, I also walked around with a giant bit of cilantro in my teeth for two hours.

Then, on the way home, I tripped on the stairs at the train station and ripped my jeans.

And then? AND THEN?

I rode part of the way home sitting next to That Guy. You know him — he’s the kind of guy who says, “But that’s not okay to talk about these days…” and then proceeds to speak at length about everything from Nazis to bisexuals to oozing sores at an advanced volume. Not that anyone is conversing with him… he JUST TALKS.

The rest of the trip? Yeah. Next to Creepy Bus Guy Who Tried To Grab Me Once.

Guh.

Today could not end quickly enough.

Feel free to send flowers, takeout, pedicures, and jewelry.

I? Am done.

Control is a crazy thing.

Sometimes you want more of it.

Sometimes you want to lose it.

Sometimes you want to give it to someone else.

Sometimes you find yourself wondering if anyone actually has it at all.

We all know “control freaks” who can’t stand to let a detail slip away unmanaged.

And we all know people who can’t seem to get a grip on anything in their lives, no matter how hard they try.

Most of us are somewhere in the middle, depending on the day.

But there’s so much to keep a handle on.

Dealing with relationships. Dealing with finances. Dealing with work. Dealing with choices. Dealing with all the tangible and intangible things that weave the webs we walk like spiders in a windstorm, just trying to keep the fragile threads in place.

And the worst?

Dealing with the stuff that just happens.

That’s what I struggle with the most.

I’ve spent the last few years of my life feeling like things were just happening to me without any cause or purpose… instead of happening because of choices I made.

When I learned I couldn’t have kids, I felt like my whole life plan was turned upside-down. It wasn’t because of anything I chose. It just happened. I could walk a new path and accept it, yes. But that was all I could do.

When I learned I was sick, I was so frustrated I hadn’t done anything about it sooner, and them my doctor told me that there was no way I could have changed it even if I had. It was just how my body was. I could make smart choices so it wouldn’t get worse. But that was all I could do.

When my family went through difficult financial times, I felt utterly helpless to stop what was going on… mostly because I was helpless to change it with the resources I had. I could love and support and encourage them, of course. But that was all I could do.

When my grandfather was dying and suffering more than I’ve ever watched someone suffer, I could not make him well. I could see him, be around him, bring him some tea. But that was all I could do.

When my friends have been in pain or need because of failed marriages and lost jobs and illnesses and debts and challenges, I’ve wanted to be able to change their circumstances beyond just being present and listening and helping in the small ways that were possible. But that was all I could do.

I get tired of what I can’t stop and what I can’t fix. I get stuck in feeling helpless. I hate how control seems just out of my grasp.

But I’ve been letting my out-of-control feeling turn into an abdication of control. To a sense of helplessness that has nothing to do with how strong I really am, or what I am capable of.

And that is a slap in the face to all the great things that were happening to me alongside the tough things.

To all the opportunities that I’ve had and all the choices that were definitely mine to make.

To all the stuff that has happened to me that has been AMAZING.

I think it’s time for me to be thankful for my possibilities, instead of focusing on what seems to be out of my grasp.

At the end of the day, the only thing I can truly control is how I respond to what happens in my world, for better or for worse. And I honestly believe my responses can change the course of my life as much as, or more than the events that are out of my control.

I need to start putting the focus on those choices… and not just letting life wash over me when challenges come.

Now seems as good a time to start as any.

1. Riding on snowy country roads on a flattened cardboard box attached via luggage cords to my grandfather’s Cutlass. And falling off into a ditch… but getting back up and running to jump on the flattened box again.

2. Doing the Christmas train with Catherine in the rainiest rain you can imagine.

3. Working Starbucks on Christmas Eve with Shawn and Aaron, dealing with the angriest customer I have ever served, and enjoying the silliest parking lot group hug ever — and my last day in retail.

4. Drinking Murchies’ tea on the Milleys’ deck in late summer, watching the sun set over a periwinkle inlet.

5. Eating my first Krispy Kreme with my dad, along with the hottest, blackest coffee.

6. Pretending I didn’t see a baby’s first steps so her mom could see them later. But… how amazing was THAT?!

7. Dancing on the docks with Steve to “Moondance” and thinking I was in love when I was just in WOW.

8. Singing a solo in front of 5,000 people and hitting the high note.

9. Watching stars grow bright in the sky from a dewy prairie field, and believing I would be 19 forever.

10. Getting sewn into a bridesmaid’s dress by my mom when the zipper broke… and then doing the aisle with the giggles, hoping I didn’t split and end up naked in front of a whole church.

11. Jumping into La Jolla waves for the first time, amazed by the warm and blue.

12. Dancing at Ashleigh’s wedding in my perfect little black dress, and thinking I’d never felt so free to enjoy the music and the moment.

13. Standing in the middle of ice and snow and watching my brother commit his life to a beautiful redhead in taffeta and wool.

14. Crossing into Cali with Catherine in the car, watching the temperature rise to 43 C on the dash… and saying a little prayer of thanks for road trips AND the magic of AC.

15. Descending the escalator at Logan Airport, seeing my favourite face in the world, and discovering what love really feels like.

1. There are some things too hot for oven mitts. Namely, flames.

2. If you’re going to be a hand talker, it’s good to put a lid on your water bottle.

3. Never wear lipgloss to a haircut.

4. My salt cravings could have roots in an actual health issue. Or roots in the fact that MMM SALT!

5. When you blow out all the fuses in your house, iPods make great flashlights!

6. Nothing makes people more agitated than seeing other people celebrate holidays before they’re ready. And nothing makes early holiday celebrators more eager to celebrate.

7. White sheets + dark blue jeans + dryer = periwinkle sheets.

8. I may not need a ton of sleep, but I am in dire need of mental rest sometimes.

9. Mustard is French for “yellow stain on your shirt for the rest of the day.”

10. Squirrels can, and do get angry.

11. Before you wear a hat out the door, do the penis check. As in, “Does this hat make me look like one?”

12. I am only as good as my last coffee.

13. Slipping in the shower is nature’s way of saying, “You use too much conditioner.”

14. While it’s good to save gas by taking the bus, this doesn’t mean you should be free with your gas once you’re on the bus.

15. I really, really, really don’t like bland foods. And when I say I don’t like bland foods, I mean HERE IS MY MOUTH, PLEASE TO SET ON FIRE.

16. Thus, Pepcid AC is the best dessert ever.

17. My parents understand me far more than I think they do, even when I drive them bonkers.

18. Having a roommate in a long distance relationship when you are in a long distance relationship is a pretty good set-up.

19. Everyone looks good in my red coat.

20. Not everyone looks good in my red lipstick.

21. Always make more money than you cost.

22. OCD people don’t like it when your fingers end up in their tea.

23. I hate losing at Monopoly but was thrilled to realize I had a monopoly on this in my home.

24. Sometimes rebuilding a friendship happens slowly and imperceptibly. But when it’s back, you feel a major sense of relief.

25. 3/4 sleeves are 4/4 good.

26. The most effective way to reduce your cell phone bill is to talk much, much, much less on your cell phone.

27. There is a special place in Heck (Dante, I don’t know where that is, but fit it in) for people who stop in the middle of malls without warning.

28. Dogs and Gap employees can smell fear.

29. People who can nap know something the rest of us do not know. Namely, how to tune the rest of us out and get some sleep.

30. 3,000 miles is both very far and not far at all.

It’s that tiiiiiiime again.

The Canadian Blog Awards.

I’m up for Best Blog and Best Personal Blog — you can vote now!

I came third in Best Personal and Best Blog Post last year, and first and third respectively in Best New Blog and Best Personal Blog the year before.

I am the third most personal person in Canada. Two years running.

Let’s see if we can’t do it again! WHEE NUMBER THREE!

And to reward you for your vote, if there’s a list you’d love to see, or something you wish I’d blog about, feel free to leave it in the comments below. I might not be able to do it if it would give my father a heart attack, or cause my friends to break out in hives, but I’m definitely up for a challenge.

Thanks, guys!

It’s a cool, rainy-ish Friday in Vancouver… I know, shocking.

I can barely contain my surprise.

Apparently, the winds are supposed to be whipping up, too, although the weather sites are in disagreement about when and if it will happen, and how bad things will get (another not-terribly-shocking Vancouver trademark.)

If they DO whip up, that could mean power outages and downed trees and all manner of hair emergencies.

Also? No internet. And we can’t have that.

So let’s see if a love list can make everything okay again.

This Friday’s love list is all about recommendations. Things you love and want to share with others. Great reviews, fond suggestions, must-haves… the works.

GO!

THINGS I LOVE

Elum Stationery: Gorgeous, gorgeous. I just go there to drool. I love papers and things.

Orange juice NOT FROM CONCENTRATE. I have enough trouble with my OWN concentration.

Weleda Skin Food: Honestly, it smells like freshness and joy incarnate, and gets rid of any dry spots you have ANYWHERE. FACE OR BODY. I know, it seems impossible, but it isn’t.

This American Life: The best radio show/podcast in the land.

Hoop earrings in general.

Gingersnap Lattes: I don’t know why they decided to make it a “Gingersnap” rather than a “Gingerbread” latte this year, but the only real difference is the sprinkly thingies on top. Which I ask them to leave off, along with the whipped cream. Not because I am a puritan or a health freak, mind you (butter keeps the skin moist!), but because I just don’t LIKE it.

Christmas mugs.

Calla lilies.

The Know Your World Game: Like crack, I tell you. Without the strung-out expression and dealer.

Big Dipper Candles: Their Christmas candles in Spice and Mint are FANTASTICO. FAAAAANTASTICO.

Goldfish crackers.

Handel’s Messiah: You know, a lot of people decry the Messiah as a purely religious work, and not just a straight-up fantastic piece of music. I get why… the whole Messiah thing is a large tip-off that the content is scriptural. That said, even if the last time you touched a collection plate was the day you took a fiver for your Sunday lunch, it’s an incredibly moving piece of work. I’ve seen it performed three times, and I cried like a twit in each instance. The Hallelujah Chorus has been used and abused for everything from singing greeting cards to stupid automobile ads, but when it comes as the culmination of the whole thing? Mind. Blowing.

Lemonade Stand on my iPod Touch

Lindt Chili-Cherry Bar: OH. MY. GOSH. IT’S. AWESOME. I’m not even saying anything else. You need to have one.

Emergen-C packets: These are my little envelopes of survival, no joke. Somehow, I managed to dodge my Annual October Illness this year, and I think my packets helped.

My Etsy Favourites: I am the queen of the online window shoppers.

I have to close with a mention of Gradon, by law.

And youuuuu?

Our tree:

Inside our tree:

We also decorated Eric for the holidays, since he was visiting Catherine (and me).

Here’s the official tour:

Sadly, only the light-up village is mine. But as long as I have Catherine, I have the rest, too…

eric? lovable.
but now cat and meg time, yay!
hetero lifemate.