(Even as a child, where were you?)

You’ve been pretty absent in my life thus far, Neck.

While other people have swanlike, willowy, ballerina-esque head perches, I have approximately two inches of somethingorother that keeps my head from resting squarely on my shoulders. Or roundly, as the case may be.

You see?

Neckless.

So neckless, I can barely wear a necklace:

Oh, the shame.

So it SEEMS A LITTLE IRONIC, I’d have to say, dearest neck, that you are causing me such PAIN today.

That’s right.

You’re being a pain in the neck, Neck, and I’ve had it.

You did this almost two years ago, this strange, rigid, startling OW DAMMIT OW thing, and I didn’t like it much then, either.

I had to take DRUGS to make it better.

LIKE METH.

No, just kidding… it was only Flexeril, but STILL.

I don’t like feeling druggy or slow or dippy. And I really don’t like pain.

I’d rather not have to deal with either.

But my point remains:

If you are going to cause me pain, AT LEAST SHOW YOURSELF.

Love,

Certainly Not a Resident of Great Neck