When Sneezy isn’t just your favourite dwarf.
That’s right — ALLERGY SUFFERERS ARE THE MOST POSITIVE PEOPLE ON EARTH!
I don’t know if you have allergies… but if you don’t?
YOU ARE MISSING OUT!
Those of us with a tendency to “react” are truly a breed apart.
We can itch and drip and swell at stuff that most people don’t even NOTICE.
It’s like having a superpower, really — Captain Ultrasensitive!
So whether you develop hives when someone uses the wrong detergent or mowing the lawn causes your face to come off or you turn into a giant circle of pain when you eat oranges, I SALUTE YOU!
Allergics of the world, unite!
10 Reasons Allergy Sufferers Are The Chosen
10. Curious what that unique flavour in the sauce is? Wonder no more! It’s cilantro — just check out how my tongue turned into a pufferfish!
9. We are some of the most skilled amateur chemists in the world, combining sprays, pills, syrups, inhalers and vitamins to create a cocktail of relief. If a worldwide epidemic breaks out, we’ll be the ones to stop it… as long as it makes us itchy.
8. Yard work? Just try sending us on guilt trip when pulling weeds = certain death.
7. We’re the kind of nut-free that doesn’t get you mocked in locker rooms.
6. If scientists ever figure out how to convert mucous into fuel, we are GOLD MINES.
5. Cat missing? Just invite an allergy sufferer into your home. They’ll be back and on our lap in NO time.
4. Certain kinds of decongestants alter creativity and perception to the point where Thomas Kinkade paintings give off ACTUAL light.
3. Where you might have to refuse that weird, oozing snack your boss brought into the office at least five times in a day and risk offending them so you’ll have to “go ahead and come in on Saturday”, all we need to say is, “Oh, looks good, but my heart will stop!”
2. Leaders in the “post-moistened” wipe industry.
1. As Dr. McMahon said, “Sneezing is better than sex. It’s a mini-instant-orgasm. Not only that, but you keep your clothes on, you don’t get involved, you can do it in public, and when you’re done, perfect strangers bless you!”
Trust me… I’ve heard so many blessings, I may well be the de facto Pope.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:57 am
What are you allergic to?
June 19th, 2008 at 10:05 am
Mould, dust mites, grasses, pollens, mosquito bites, pet dander, venison, ASA, certain antibiotics and more… I also have asthma, eczema (controlled), and chronic sinusitis and rhinitis. AND… an autoimmune disorder. :) I’m magic!
June 19th, 2008 at 10:24 am
How did you find out that you were allergic to Venison? Is that just part of the routine screening in Canada?
June 19th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Brilliant. Completely brilliant. Particularly numbers 9 and 5.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:35 am
About number 4… It’s true. I have been known to sneeze while looking at Thomas Kinkade paintings.
Also, number 1 is my absolute favorite.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:36 am
I found out by eating it, Jerry.:)
June 19th, 2008 at 11:42 am
I am deathly allergic to apples and, inexplicably, sugar snap peas (not snow peas, mind you… just sugar snap). They both make my throat swell up and blister so I have the delightful opportunity to cease breathing for awhile, and when the swelling goes down, I sound like a 90-year-old lifetime smoker for a few days afterward.
Other things that bring on various mild-to-serious similar reactions include kiwi, peaches, pears, apricots, cherries, plums, soy milk, almonds… the list is nearly endless.
I also have hay fever and other pollen allergies, along with dust, augmentin, and pretty much anything outside.
That said, I have never gotten poison oak, so at least I have that.
June 19th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
This is the first time I’ve laughed about allergies since my child was diagnosed with nut allergy. Thank you!
June 21st, 2008 at 6:42 am
Love number one.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:42 pm
I feel for you, Meg. When I was 21, I tested positive for 30+ allergens during my skin test. I took the shots for several years hoping to build a tolerance. I finally said “Forget It” and decided it was easier to take over the counter meds when days got bad.
I guess Mother Nature just doesn’t fit well into everyone’s lifestyle. I’m just happy I don’t have to live in a plastic bubble like that John Travolta movie.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:13 am
Hi Meg, I feel like there is finally someone who will commiserate with my allergies. Cow Dairy, Goat Dairy, Soy, Gluten, Eggs, All Nuts, All Shellfish, Berries, Citrus Fruits - I think I’m forgetting a food allergy or two. Plus the dust, animal dander, mold, grass, pollen… Isn’t it fun?
June 24th, 2008 at 11:13 am
#9 - so true!
June 26th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
Was that a picture of your back? Child’s play. My scratch test ended up with my whole body covered in welts, head to toe. And the allegry shots I endured for almost two years trying to get cured? Well. Silly doctor. Doubled my dose one week and almost killed me. Ooopsie.
How’ve your sinuses been this week? The grass has been out in force, making mine feel like somebody is doing science experiments on my head with the contents of a rusty tool box. Oh so fun.
All of that to say, my sympathies are with you. From one allergy sufferer to another. Get thee some good drugs.
June 27th, 2008 at 4:18 am
I wish the drugs worked! Sigh. No, not my back — you’d see more welts and freckles were it mine:).