megfowler.com

I’ve been thinking about plagues lately.

I don’t really know where to take this post from there, other than to say NO, I DON’T KNOW WHY and NO, I’M NOT THE ANTICHRIST.

I have a feeling the Antichrist would watch fewer cooking shows and spend less time longing to jump on trampolines and potentially be less good with babies. Though babies would be a good place to start if you were going to take over the whole world. Babies or repub… no, no, I’m SO not going there.

But I digress, as I am wont to do. I am also wont to use the phrase “I digress” too often, but the reality is that I DO DIGRESS WITH SOME FREQUENCY. And use caps. Often. At the WRONG TIMES.

Back to the plagues.

Anyone watching the news is pretty familiar with the gamut of natural disasters and diseases currently available on the face of the earth. When I say currently available, I’m likely making it sound as though people choose them from a large drive-through menu board.

But, no… the reality is that a lot of bad things happen the world over, and suffering is the basis of 90% of what you see on CNN (the remainder being Larry King staring awkwardly at his own suspenders.)

I think if a biblical plague happened today, a boardroomful of producers in Atlanta would probably rejoice in the ratings potential.

I don’t want to hear what Anderson has to say about boils, though. I really don’t.

Or Larry, for that matter. Although I bet he has them. I JUST BET.

I think it’s time for some new calamity.

THINGS THAT RAIN DOWN ON US TODAY WITHOUT MERCY OR RELENT

Reality tv crews
Febreze
Stick-on bras
Chatspeak
Sundried tomatoes
Vegetarian options
Websites about cats
Pundits
Scientologists
“Alternate” tuxedos
Time shares
Skinny jeans
Oprah’s favourite things
Superdelegates
Swarming Gap employees
Juice blends
Spinoff series
Joe Francis
Ring tones
Leg warmers
Words ending in “licious” that were never meant to end in “licious”
Slipcovers
MySpace
Tiny wee dogs
Infomercials
Bloggers (WE ARE LEGION)
Butterfly tattoos
Frappuccinos
“New” country