like possession, conviction is 9/10ths of the blog.
There are many things I believe for which I have no evidence.
Most people would call these things “suppositions” or “notions” “blog posts” or “AS IF, ASSHOLE” or “tell it to my lawyer.”
To them I say, WELL FINE BUT AT LEAST I BELIEVE IN SOMETHING, YOU GODLESS LOCUST-BAITING SIN-LIVING INSTANT-COFFEE-DRINKING COSTCO-SHOPPING MCDONALDS- EATING LEPROUS HAPLESS HOPELESS HERETI…
Ahem.
Or nothing, really.
Because sometimes, as they say, it’s enough that YOU know. No one else needs to.
Do you hear me, Tom Cruise?
I believe mall kiosks are actually holes in the time-space continuum.
I believe those who remember the dances of their youth are doomed to repeat them at weddings.
I believe, while onions will always make you cry, shallots will probably only leave you mildly depressed.
I believe most people would rather that Oprah gave them a car than a book recommendation.
I believe eHarmony is nature’s way of matching up all the really fussy people so the rest of us can get on with it.
I believe chickens have neither fingers nor nuggets… but their wings are like gold.
I believe spilled milk is more of a reason to swear.
I believe bathrooms should not smell like anything you would put on or in a cake.
I believe the amount of time you spend bitching about Christmas decorations in stores is roughly inverse to the amount of fun you are at Christmas parties.
I believe civilization actually began in a Tupperware container left in a warm car.
I believe binding is for contracts and books, not bras or men.
I believe the gift of carnations is a husband’s way of saying, “Today is a good day to build a parade float, Honey.”
I believe that bottled water never forgets being free.
May 20th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
i believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. :)
May 20th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
It’s true… I can find my own book ideas, and then fund my book shopping with the money garnered from the sale of my O-car.
May 20th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I believe in God. And that’s reason enough to believe in ALL other things.
May 20th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
that is a freaking rad post. You’re the weirdest and funniest girl I know. And live with. And LOVE. :)
May 20th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
You? Are the Queen of lists. I bow to you.
Also. I believe that Carnations are the black licorice of the flower kingdom. (I don’t like black licorice.)
May 20th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
I believe you need more garlic if you’re crying or depressed.
I believe there is a significantly large group of people that wish Oprah would just go away.
I believe I will be quoting you on my blog sometime soon.
May 20th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
I believe you should write a book titled, “I’m Just A Girl” and subtitled, “who has a way with words”. Something along the lines of Erma Bombeck, except not. Because you’re young and funny and Canadian.
May 20th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
haha. Nifty list. I agree with most of it.
May 20th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Can I come over and brush your hair? No? Well, can I give you a Zima?
Am now going to slit wrists over my blog. But not before I delete all the crap posts. ;-)
May 20th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Rock On! Your belief of how civilization started will forever be imprinted on my noggin. That us the funniest damn thing I’ve ever heard.
You’re a trip and I mean that in a very good way.
May 20th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
I’m waiting for my car. Carnations are the humming of the flower world.
May 20th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
I still believe in bisphenol-A.
May 21st, 2008 at 12:16 am
I believe that carnations CAN be delightful flowers and should not be maligned so vehemently by folks who obviously take the gift of flowers for granted - or so it would seem. And Chris,I enjoyed your comment about humming. Humming can be a lovely sound when “done” by persons who are on some level content with the task at hand or life in the moment or don’t know the words but are caught by a sentiment or tune somewhere in the back of their mind,- so - sometimes carnations are just right. There’s something good about a flower that a child can imitate with some Kleenex and a pipe cleaner and present proudly to someone they thought of when they created it.
May 21st, 2008 at 7:14 am
“I believe mall kiosks are actually holes in the time-space continuum.”
THANK YOU for putting your finger on something that has bothered me for a long time.
May 21st, 2008 at 7:25 am
meg, this is quintessentially and fantastically you as a writer. i love it.
as for The Carnation Question, i think they are beautiful only when tossed onto a candlelight-filled dance floor at a traditional greek wedding, for the bride and groom to kick up into the air as they dance for each other. seriously beautiful.
less beautiful later, however, when they’re a mushy pulp that sullies the lower edges of the bride’s dress.
May 21st, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Brilliantly hilarious.
How’s that for a soundbite?
You can put that on the cover of your… whatever you want to cover, I guess.
“‘Brilliantly hilarious’ -The Reluctant Housewife”
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:45 am
and hilariously brilliant.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:57 am
I believe it’s time for me to come out of the lurking woodwork and comment because this post is amazing! Interesting theory about mall kiosks….
May 23rd, 2008 at 7:24 am
Shallots - is that because of the poem?
Carnations - I am not a stupid man, but I have no idea what connection they have with my wife and a parade float.