what I know.
I know how to convert Celsius to Fahrenheit and back again.
I know how to make a flatline poker face.
I know how to get those stains out of your grout.
I know how to choose a good melon.
I know how to drive men up the wall… and not in a good way.
I know how to drive most people up the wall… and sometimes, I mean to do it.
I know how to tape off a room for painting.
I know how to make your PC run faster (get a Mac to chase it! Ohohohoho…)
I know how to how to stand up for what I believe.
I know how to say seven bad words in French, two in Yiddish, four in Italian, and many, many bad words in an Irish accent.
I know how to throw a decent spiral.
I know how to embarrass the hell out of myself in public.
I know how to knock the cap off a pop bottle with a pistol from 75 feet.
I know how to be overwhelming.
I know how long it takes to get through university when you keep changing your plans.
I know how to stop avocado from going brown before you make the guacamole.
I know how to drive a dump truck.
I know how to lull a baby to sleep.
I know how to hold back tears long enough to speak at both weddings and funerals, despite my mom crying somewhere nearby.
I know how to shave my legs in a creek.
I know how to do the perfect roasted marshmallow.
I know — despite all evidence to the contrary — how to shut up.
I know how to buy a men’s suit AND get it tailored properly… for a man, that is, not me.
I know how to live on nearly nothing in a month and make a great dinner out of onions and potatoes and a wilted apple.
I know how to make my dad laugh.
I know how to find the harmony.
I know how to hit a punching bag properly.
I know how to throw a javelin, a shotput, and a discus… but there’s no guarantee you won’t get NAILED.
I know how to play exactly four songs on the piano and five chords on the guitar. And two songs on the recorder.
I know how to draw a bowl of fruit and paint a cloud in a blue sky.
I know how to whip a sentence into shape.
I know how to throw a good party where even the oddest people there have some fun (including me.)
I know how to put things off.
I know how to make your lips look bigger, your cheekbones higher, and your eyebrows much less bushy.
I know how to put up a tent. And then put it up again when it falls down. And then again. Okay, maybe I don’t.
I know how to scare the heck out of people with my lazy eye.
I know how to break your nose if you jump out at me from a bush.
I know how to get 250 kids to stand in complete silence for whole minutes at a time.
I know how annoying I am to hold accountable.
I know how annoying I am when I get going on something that only I care about.
I know how annoying I am when I’m annoying.
I know how to pull a good shot, make good foam, and do it all 40 times in ten minutes or less.
I know how to make a list.
I know how little any of this matters when it all comes down… but I also know how important it is to know what you know.
April 9th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
please please please tell me how to get the stains out of my grout (shower specifically).
April 9th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I know I like people who know what they know.
Oh, and I know I like people who can drive a dump truck and shoot (especially if they can do it at the same time).
April 9th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Meg,
You know that I love your blog, right? I actually think, or more likely, I know that you know that I think that should be one of the things you should know.
April 9th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
I’m not sure I believe the 250 kids being silent for whole minutes. You’re gonna have to teach me that trick. Or something on a smaller scale. I can’t get 2 kids to be silent…unless they are sleeping. hell, I can’t get them to sleep either. Heh.
A couple things I know how to do:
I know how to Cook a steak on the BBQ so that even the pickiest of steak loving men will eat it (without steak sauce)
I know how to change a tire on a dirt bike, without help.
April 9th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Yeah, I don’t know how to do most of that stuff… I must know other stuff… I hope.
April 9th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
hahahahaha
April 9th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
I knew you had me beat with number one - have never been able to figure out how to convert Celcius to Farenheit…
April 9th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
You certainly DO know how to make a list!
Here’s some you left out :
You know how to get pneumonia
You know how to Twitter like there’s no tomorrow
And most importantly, you know how to ask all the right questions!
April 9th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
That’s a lot of stuff to know.
I know how to make a perfect hard-boiled egg. And I know how to do most computer hardware upgrades/swaps in a jiffy. And a fair bit of software stuff, as well.
April 9th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
You inspired me.
April 9th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
If I ever…EVER, catch you driving a dump truck and shooting at the same time, you are so grounded!! Does that make you feel younger or nostalgic or scared or bemused or - even a little anxious? Well.It.Should !!
April 10th, 2008 at 12:52 am
You’ve got me with the Celcius/Farenheit thing! However here’s a couple of things I know…
I know that if I go to the gym, leaving my dog at home for more than two hours, she’ll chew the skirting boards and scrape the walls!
I know how to cook rice using the total absorption method.
I know that if I’d had the choice I rather have lived in a country other than the UK.
I know that the British Cycling Team will win lots of medals in Beijing but won’t get a look in on the TV in the UK.
I know I shouldn’t have run 15k at the gym last night. Oooh my feet hurt!
I know I should be working instead of replying to your blog… it’s just that it’s…
time to go!.
Andy
April 10th, 2008 at 5:50 am
Shooting while driving a dump truck? Sounds like a sequence from a Michael Bay movie; AWESOME!
I know one naughty phrase each in Russian and Vietnamese, one or two words in German, and possibly some scattered Arabic naughtiness.
April 10th, 2008 at 7:08 am
Yes PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me how to get the stains out my grout!
April 10th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
I know you know how to do all those things, because I’ve watched you do most of them at some point while working with me!
April 11th, 2008 at 7:21 am
OK you have two begging requests for your grout cleaning method now. Teach a man to fish!
April 11th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Impressive but I must say…I would be really impressed if while driving the dumptruck and shooting you could swear in yiddish at the same time!
April 12th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
* I know how to run 26.2 miles in 3h, 15 minutes
* I know how to speak German fluently
* I know what it takes to become an American
* I know how to train a dog
* I know how to hold my breath under water for 2 1/2 minutes
* I know how to make my friends feel special
* I know how to knit
* I know Vienna very well
* I know Duesseldorf even better
* and Santa Barbara
* I know how to drive a manual transmission car
* I know how to ride my bike for 100 miles around Lake Tahoe
* I know how to make lists
* I know how to plan big events
* I know how to stick with things
* and follow through
* I know how to make a kick-a$$ curry
* I know how to eat with chop sticks
* I know how to fall in love
* and stay in it
* I know how to use self tanner without streaks
* I know how to run a 5k in under 20 minutes