Daily Archives: April 9, 2008

what I know.

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19

I know how to convert Celsius to Fahrenheit and back again.

I know how to make a flatline poker face.

I know how to get those stains out of your grout.

I know how to choose a good melon.

I know how to drive men up the wall… and not in a good way.

I know how to drive most people up the wall… and sometimes, I mean to do it.

I know how to tape off a room for painting.

I know how to make your PC run faster (get a Mac to chase it! Ohohohoho…)

I know how to how to stand up for what I believe.

I know how to say seven bad words in French, two in Yiddish, four in Italian, and many, many bad words in an Irish accent.

I know how to throw a decent spiral.

I know how to embarrass the hell out of myself in public.

I know how to knock the cap off a pop bottle with a pistol from 75 feet.

I know how to be overwhelming.

I know how long it takes to get through university when you keep changing your plans.

I know how to stop avocado from going brown before you make the guacamole.

I know how to drive a dump truck.

I know how to lull a baby to sleep.

I know how to hold back tears long enough to speak at both weddings and funerals, despite my mom crying somewhere nearby.

I know how to shave my legs in a creek.

I know how to do the perfect roasted marshmallow.

I know — despite all evidence to the contrary — how to shut up.

I know how to buy a men’s suit AND get it tailored properly… for a man, that is, not me.

I know how to live on nearly nothing in a month and make a great dinner out of onions and potatoes and a wilted apple.

I know how to make my dad laugh.

I know how to find the harmony.

I know how to hit a punching bag properly.

I know how to throw a javelin, a shotput, and a discus… but there’s no guarantee you won’t get NAILED.

I know how to play exactly four songs on the piano and five chords on the guitar. And two songs on the recorder.

I know how to draw a bowl of fruit and paint a cloud in a blue sky.

I know how to whip a sentence into shape.

I know how to throw a good party where even the oddest people there have some fun (including me.)

I know how to put things off.

I know how to make your lips look bigger, your cheekbones higher, and your eyebrows much less bushy.

I know how to put up a tent. And then put it up again when it falls down. And then again. Okay, maybe I don’t.

I know how to scare the heck out of people with my lazy eye.

I know how to break your nose if you jump out at me from a bush.

I know how to get 250 kids to stand in complete silence for whole minutes at a time.

I know how annoying I am to hold accountable.

I know how annoying I am when I get going on something that only I care about.

I know how annoying I am when I’m annoying.

I know how to pull a good shot, make good foam, and do it all 40 times in ten minutes or less.

I know how to make a list.

I know how little any of this matters when it all comes down… but I also know how important it is to know what you know.

choose ye: does your ottoman have an empire?

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18

I grew up with two parents who had an interest in design and art, and liked their surroundings to be “just so.”

Not in a snobby way or a pretentious way, mind you, but in that AHHHHH kind of way when you choose the right colours, the right shapes, the right lighting… and everything just WORKS.

Their cred? Well, my mom is a very gifted artist and designer who rewires Goodwill lamps and restores battered wing chairs bought at hotel auctions and slipcovers anything that stops moving long enough… and my dad is just really picky.

He’s more GQ than Architectural Digest — the ties the man owns! — but he can choose a chair he likes as well as anyone. And sit in it for hours BETTER than anyone.

Long enough to get slipcovered, actually. But just the once.

So: are you into creating an atmosphere, or do you just need something to sit on?

Is there an architectural or design style you prefer to surround yourself with, or do you just wish someone else would do it?

Or can you make do with a La-Z-Boy, a TV tray, and one of them lamps you touch and BAM it turns right on, Marge?

This Choose Ye will dig a little into your “environmental style”… and remember, as always, the point is not to go “maybe!” or “depends!” or “gosh, I don’t know!” The point is to make a choice.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to come to your house and take something away from you because you expressed a general (NOT LEGALLY BINDING) preference (it doesn’t need to be what you actually have now) in a comment on my blog.

At least not yet.

If I get bored enough, though… WATCH OUT.

I’M HIDING IN THE PANTRY WITH A SHARPENED GRANOLA BAR.

(Oat shiv?)

CHOOSE YE: DESIGN/DECOR/I LOVE LAMP EDITION

Floor lamps or table lamps or sconces? (note: not scones. everyone prefers a scone…)

Low lighting or major lighting (when there is no natural light)?

Window treatments or simple shades/rod and drape?

Big TV in the living room, or hidden away in a den or bedroom?

Photographs everywhere, or mostly just art?

Wood or metal?

Light woods or dark woods?

Chairs that recline or chairs that… well, they’re chairy

Smooshy couches or structured couches?

Indie furniture stores or big chains?

Tidy or cluttered?

FILL IN THE BLANK BONUS: Favourite room to decorate?

Living room off-limits, or that’s where your family hangs out?

Design-focused furniture or traditional, common shapes?

Big, bold prints or smaller patterns/prints?

Antique or modern?

Major colours or neutrals with a bit of colour?

Lots of different textures, or just a bit?

Great room/open concept or contained spaces?

Fragrance (candles, etc.) or none?

Get things decorated for you, or do it yourself?

Create an overall look right away, or build it over time?

Form or function, overall?