anarchy in the m.f.
It’s not that I don’t love love.
I just love it EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR, rather than just the one. You know?
So, continuing last year’s tradition…
THINGS I HATE
Carnations
Constant snifflers
The term “smackdown”
Patchouli
“Pat pat pat” hugs
Banana-flavoured gum
Red-eye in photos
Black licorice
Margarine on popcorn
Sketchy dried-out baked goods in coffee shops
Anything ending in “Gone Wild”
The smell of burnt hair
The term “snark”
Too-short pants on men
The price of women’s shoes
When people believe everything they read on the Internet is true
The term “baby bump”
The absence of wifi
Greeting cards that make noise
Outlets that are too loose to hold the damn plug ESPECIALLY WHEN I AM VACUUMING
Reality TV that “doesn’t require writers”
Texting abbreviations
The phrase “ripped from the headlines”
Losing in fantasy pools, any sport
The colour “teal”
The use of the word “ho” to denote anything but a garden tool
Fake watermelon smell
“Hipster” anything
Wet jean hems that NEVER DRY
Corndogs
The return of the 80’s to fashion
And finally…
People who hassle single people about Valentine’s Day because it’s supposed to be depressing. What? No, keep your carnations.
I’m alllll good, G.
