1. I never, ever finish a pint of ice cream. I leave it in the freezer until it frosts over like the hinterlands, and toss it out half-full.
2. I don’t cough like a normal person. It’s more of a seal bark. I’ve had the same cough since I was a baby, and it used to scare the life out of people when baby-birdesque wee Meg would let out her horrible, sharp hacks.
3. I have a lazy eye that is only evident when I’m dead tired or incredibly nervous. This is a potentially nightmarish combo if I don’t sleep the night before a big meeting or a date. (Hahaha. I just said “date” like that’s an everyday occurrence, when in reality… hello, Halley’s Comet.)
4. I’ve never made risotto, yet I have tons of recipes for risotto. I even give out my risotto recipes. Apparently, I am a risotto fraud. Or I suffer from risotto anxiety. I’m pretty sure I’m insane.
5. I have to set time limits on eyebrow tweezing, or I become obsessive.
6. I once performed “I Will Survive” in a shark costume. Then I wanted to wear the costume all the time. Even while sitting at a desk reading email, or having a cup of coffee. For some reason, the shark costume made me feel completely at ease in the world. I don’t know what that means.
7. I spell the following words wrong the first time every damn time: tomorrow; irrelevant; irresistible; commitment; homemade; judgment; and conscious.
8. The less preparation I do for a speech or toast, the better. If I bring notes, I’ll spend the entire time trying to remember my point. No notes? Smooth as silk.
9. I don’t like doing word games, like crosswords or fill-ins. I do, however, love it when other people do crosswords and ask me for my guesses.
10. I have zero desire to go back to high school. None. Nada. But my first two years of university were GOLD. I’d do them again in a heartbeat.
11. I literally want to run up to men in the street and groom them. Not like a monkey or anything, but just CUT YOUR HAIR or WASH YOUR FACE or TRIM YOUR NOSE AND EAR FOLIAGE or YOUR PANTS ARE BEYOND VIOLATING or I JUST SNAGGED YOUR EYEBROW ON MY SHIRT. I honestly believe most men are really attractive in some way. I have a broad concept of masculine beauty (ha! pun!) But I think a ton of them sell it out by ignoring five minute personal chores.
12. I never use coupons.
13. Whenever I put on running shoes, I feel like bouncing up and down. Boing. Boing. It’s an irresistible urge.
14. I have thousands of lists yet unwritten.
Update:
15. I like to publish lists one item short. See comments below!