megfowler.com

News to the minute:

1. I’m not buying Uggs. What kind of moron, after slagging a brand of shoes for years — and refusing to wear ANY shoes herself PERIOD because they make her feet too hot — goes and spends more than $200 of her hard-earned money on footwear designed for optimal warmth?

I live in a WET city, not a cold one. I like my feet fresh and COOL, not swathed in suede-y, wooly hell. I still don’t know what I was thinking. It was like a small trend virus captured my brain. But I’m healthy now. And have no idea what type of shoes to buy for the upcoming more-wet, less-warm season. Back to square (puddle) one.

2. My sore throat from earlier has officially blossomed into a sort of burr-in-throat sensation accompanied by achy ears. I could be having an allergic reaction to something (maybe it was all that eye contact with the new laundry spider?), but if that’s the case, it should pass soon.

I DON’T HAVE TIME TO GET SICK. Just so you know. There will be no tolerance.

3. GO CANUCKS GO! With two decent wins over the Oilers in a Home-Home series this weekend, I think our boys are almost officially “back” from the Philly fiasco. We face the SJ Sharks tonight, and I think we need that victory to seal the deal and get us focused back on the big, long season ahead, and not just a blowout fluke of a contest.

Luongo is still whoa. No other way to say it. And I was pleased to see Brendan Morrison stepping up this weekend… and even a bit of fire (and a smile?!) out of Naslund! Could Vigneault have finally found his number?

And no, Darren… Trev is most certainly NOT done yet. You don’t ride out the crap he went through before the pre-season just to hang up your skates.

I think he’s just warming up and getting his legs under him for a great final period of leadership. That team needs his steadiness right now.

4. Has anyone ever actually taken that Cold fX stuff? It sure didn’t help me make a positive buying decision when my own most-loathed former NHL player was the front page spokesman! Gah!

GEE, THANKS FOR HELPING HIM STAY IN THE GAME.

(really in no particular order)

1. Hockey
2. Oprah
3. The length of men’s pants
4. How women talk about other women’s bodies
5. Mainstream media vs. new media
6. Celebrity gossip culture
7. Mac vs. PC
8. US Politics
9. How totally pissed off I am by cliffhanger endings
10. Financial priorities
11. Activism
12. Ethics in sports
13. My arguing skills
14. Journalistic bias
15. The weather in Vancouver
16. Chatspeak
17. The relative talent of Justin Timberlake
18. Music
19. How men and women are neither from Mars nor Venus
20. Gun control

And you?

… because MAN ALIVE, do you people know how to bring out the trash!

I love it. I love it so much.

And so does my faithful roommate and heterolifemate, Catherine, who phoned me from work to relive a few of the best comments. Honestly, folks — the best way to realize you’re not all that weird is to look around you and SEE THE MAGIC.

You are all magic.

And should keep being magic, if you haven’t posted your weird/trashy/awkward/problematic confessions yet below.

Here are three more of mine:

I own a Diana, Princess of Wales paper doll kit where her base outfit is royal underwear. I have no idea where it is (I’ve moved too many times, and so have my parents…) but I find it kind of creepy at this point. Granted, I got it in 1982 (were some of you people even alive yet?), but still.

I really, really, really enjoy the skin on KFC chicken. No, I don’t find it too salty or greasy or SKINNISH… I just love it. Mmm. And the more gross you think it is, the more left for me! Woo!

I sing into my thumb in the car like it was a microphone. And in grocery stores. And pretty much anywhere.

Anyway. Do share. Do tell. We can’t wait to learn more.

In other news, I am buying actual shoes next week — maybe even three pairs! Which would bring my non-heel shoe total to… five pairs! — and need to think of a decent flat shoe that is not a boot or a running shoe or a walking shoe or a nurse shoe or a mom shoe.

I love ballet flats, but can’t seem to find a pair that don’t fall apart or give me the mother of all blisters on my heel. Which heals eventually (HEEL HEAL HEEL HEAL), but still.

Any suggestions?

OH! And…

If you could choose a category as yet uncategorized and unwritten at MegFowler.com, what would it be?

OH! And…

The Canucks lost by six points last night. I don’t expect anything as devastating as this to happen again, but I feel terrible for the guys. The fan bashing afterwards can’t be doing them much good in prepping for the next two games, either.

Let’s not decide we’re going to lose all season because of a couple bad contests. That’s like ending your marriage because you fight over whether to have the toilet paper roll over or under (over, by the way.) JUST MOVE ON.

And I hate “stat hexes”, too. Who cares if we lose to a team all the time? That doesn’t mean we can’t nail them now.

One more thing: Jesse Boulerice? You think you’re awesome railing on our Kes when you’re 5 points in the lead? Yeah. Meet me in the alley behind my house and I’ll give you the cross-checking of your LIFE.

OH! And…

WHAT THE FREAK! I see her going both ways. Alternately. Randomly. I keep thinking that shouldn’t work because of the lines of her body and anatomy but it HAPPENS! AAAA!!

This was honestly one of the funniest posts that has ever appeared on my blog, and certainly not because of the writing… no, no.

It was all about the comments. Seriously. Read them. Go do it now.

I couldn’t believe how many absolutely magical trashy confessions you guys came up with.

And because it’s a rainy Wednesday, and because I have a headache, and because I feel like it, I figured we should dip into the well of shame once again and give class a pass!

Throw open those closets! Pull out those skeletons!

Show me the bag of ranch-flavoured Cornuts in your desk drawer! Reveal the playlist with NKOTB on your iPod! Tell me what you wear in the privacy of your own home when no one but Judge Alex can look out at you from the TV!

Here are mine:

MEG’S 2007 TRASHY CONFESSIONS:

1. I have songs by all the following artists on my iPod (in one single playlist, in fact): K7, Notorious B.I.G, Ginuwine, Jordan Knight, Def Leppard, Guns N Roses, KISS, and AC/DC. I know they don’t go together. That’s why I love that playlist. And hide my iPod so no one can see the screen when I’m listening to it on the bus.

2. I actually considered getting “skinny” (and that’s a misnomer, considering my ass) jeans to wear with my future Uggs. Yeah. Did you hear that? That was the sound of the universe shattering into a thousand pieces. And all to avoid bunchy ankles with the updated version of moonboots. Or mukluks. Or wearing an entire sheep on your foot.

3. I have a big crush on Armando Montelongo on Flip This House. He’s a jerk a good portion of the time. He plays practical jokes on people. He treats his project managers like crap. Yet? I’d let him flip my house anyday.

4. I type my first name into Google.ca and Google.com to see where I am in the results: #5 for Meg on Google.ca today, and #13 on Google.com. Bastards.

5. I have more kinds of lip gloss than I have all of the following in combination: shoes, pants, and sweaters. Clearly I think it’s going to keep me warm.

6. I once killed a man, just to watch him die. JUST KIDDING.

7. I really love how my voice sounds when I have laryngitis. So I’ll sing the national anthem really loudly when I feel it going, just to help the process along.

8. My keychain looks like a giant engagement ring. No, I didn’t buy it (Matt and Catherine!) But I use it.

9. I like the garlic fries at Safeco Field, the scary artificial nachos at GM Place, and the cotton candy at Nat Bailey Stadium.

10. I embrace the power of cleavage.

11. I own a giant white beanbag chair. It got sent to my office. I can’t figure out how to get it home. More on that later.

Okay… so tell me.

What’s trashy about YOU?

1. We understand the importance of strategic padding.

2. We’re pretty relieved when any period ends.

3. We’re good at looking graceful in totally impractical shoes.

4. We’re well aware that going away requires a totally different wardrobe.

5. We definitely know the power of a good check(que).

I love a good smoothie.

And I really love to have a good smoothie in the morning.

That’s why I poured myself a big ol’ glass of Extreme Green to wake me up with fruity goodness this very AM.

The glass was sitting on the bathroom counter as I was removing the velcro rollers from my hair. Once they were all out, I took a big long gulp. Then I brushed out my hair and went to pick up my hairspray to do a little anti-humidity once-over.

You know, the can of hairspray right next to my smoothie. Shake shake!

A moment later, covered in smoothie from my neck to my knees, I thought perhaps I was the most cool girl alive.

***

I love doing laundry.

And I really love doing laundry when I’ve got a brand new bottle of detergent and a brand new pack of Bounce sheets, and a giant load of whites that need some good lovin’ whitening.

I don’t use bleach too often these days, though.

I mean, I still love it… but I’ve also been on the receiving end of lectures from family and friends about the relentless and ongoing way I’m breaking down the fibres in my clothing, but yesterday I decided to put a little — just a little! — in to give my towels a touch of sparkle.

Unfortunately, when I picked up that giant Costco-esque bottle of bleach to pour some in, I chose the dryer instead.

Fortunately, the darks were still sitting on top. But I still managed to pour it on my feet when I jerked the bottle back from the machine in horror.

Right then, I knew I was special.

***

I tried to kill a mosquito, and smacked myself in the face.

I tried to bake a potato, and left it in the oven — which I didn’t turn on — for two days.

I vacuumed up my own pant leg.

***

Really, do you think I might be a little distracted?

Oh, do I love hockey.

I love hockey like Tammy Faye loved mascara, like Tom Cruise loves jumping on couches, like David Letterman loves a Top Ten.

If you click on my “hockey” category down there to the right, you can read some of the stuff I’ve said about it on my blog, like this and this and this.

Those posts should tell you what you need to know. But I’m going to tell you a bit more.

I love hockey because it’s beautiful and brutal all at once. Much like my love life.

You can watch people squish one another into the boards only seconds after they execute some near-balletic move to take a shot on net. That contrast of perfect and fierce is what true sport is all about to me… along with the fever pitch of competition, and the magic of camaraderie among players and in the stands.

Just a week or so ago, I got to go to an actual game, courtesy of someone very nice, and it was brilliant to scream like a freak and listen to all the people around me cheering for the same thing I was: our boys on skates!

See how happy (and tanned) we looked?

Unfortunately, my sweet Canucks were a bit shaky the night we saw them (and lost in the shootout.) They weren’t looking too confident in their season opener, either (a 3-1 loss to San Jose.)

Last night was their first win of the regular season — 5 seconds before the end of OT.

So I’m a little concerned.

Not doubting, not complaining, not bitching, mind you… no way. I’m no Bandwagon Betty, turning on the game only in the middle of a winning streak.

I’m just wanting to make sure they get off on the right skate.

And what do I think is the key?

We need bigger showings from our “marquee” players (Hello, Naslund?), more shots on net (Stop waiting for the perfect opening!), more consistent play from our defensive guys (Where ARE you?), and continued energy and drive from our “newbie” players if we’re going to stay alive in the standings this season.

We have zero time to rest on our laurels… or our Luongo.

Speaking of Luongo, I remain in love with our goalie. Even on his bad days, he shows the kind of genius we’ve needed in net for years (I was no fan of Cloutier.)

So I’ll be watching and blogging about my favourite sport all season, and seeing it live as often as possible, too. Even if I have to sell a kidney.

Stay tuned. AND GO CANUCKS GO!

It’s Friday! Time for a LOOOOOOVE LIST!

I do one of these almost every Friday, actually (save for when I was SITTING ON A BEACH IN CALIFORNIA INSTEAD.)

I think it’s a good idea to focus on what you really enjoy/crave/adore/thrive off of now and then. I just know that I need to schedule it in to make sure that it happens. So here we go, mmm?

As always, please feel free to add your own to the comments or pop one up on your blog. I really do enjoy reading them, and like I say… it’s never, ever a bad thing to do. Try it. Really. How about now?

THINGS I LOVE

THE BEGINNING OF THE FREAKIN’ REGULAR HOCKEY SEASON AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! It’s been too long, boys!

Almost dancing at the bus stop because the music on my iPod was so right (Missy Elliott — ‘Can’t Stop’)

Singing jazz standards in the shower

Clapping in glee

Plain cheesecake with berries

People staring at my feet because they fear I’m cold (NO. FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL. NOT COLD.)

Seth Rogen

Tact

My ninja Googling skills

Picture texting

Colin and Justin of How Not To Decorate

Fall (Yes, I have finally accepted I don’t live in California. Mostly.)

Handwritten letters

Tall chocolate brown riding boots (I hope to love them soon… when I get some)

White shirts

Pringles

Very dark jeans

Venting walks

Scrabble!

Fierceness

Screaming with joy

People who can raise one eyebrow successfully

Gold bangle bracelets

Rosemary (the herb, not Clooney… though she was awesome, as well)

Roasted chesnuts

Men who wear good watches

Chandra Wilson

Avocado

Gwyneth Paltrow’s house in House and Garden (80% how I’d decorate anything. The giant black picture and the super dark walls in a couple of them aren’t me, though)

***

And I was asked to do a “Girl Products I Love” list, so here goes (and feel free to do your own of this list, too!):

PRODUCTS I LOVE

Dior Show mascara (I am all about the doe eyes)
Benefit Dallas powder bronzer (The perfect WHY THE HELL IS MY TAN FADING glow)
Benefit Bad Gal liner (A sweep of this across your upper lash line is POW!)
MAC Lustreglass in Wonderstruck (Girly, but neutral.)
Too Faced Lip Injection (I don’t really need it. I just like the burn.)
Neutrogena Oil-Free Acne Stress Control Power-Clear (For my hormonal skin, there is nothing more simple or non-irritating)
Benefit Benetint (Flush! Flush!)
Kiehl’s Yerba Mate Lotion (Very light)
Queen Helene Mint Julep masque (Like toothpaste for your face… scrubs those pores happily clean)
Frederic Fekkai Glossing Cream (Great shine, no grease)
Queen Helene Cocoa Butter Solid (The best moisturizer for your body, with the BEST SMELL! AND CHEEEEAP!)
MAC eyeshadows in Phloof, Tilt, Sweetlust, Bark, Print, Digit, Purple Haze, Retrospeck and Quarry

There you GO!

It’s that time again, isn’t it, you crazy bastards.

Not that time.

But this time. The current time.

(Time, time time… see what’s become of me?)

This is the time when you wreak havoc on my entire system.

The time when you overheat me like a tiny blast furnace. The time when you make my head feel as though someone bludgeoned my temples with a meat tenderizer for an hour while I slept. The time when you make everything I normally enjoy eating appear radically unappetizing. The time when you cause me to turn bright red like a Japanese lantern bobbling from a wire. The time when my skin appears to develop multiple personalities, all of which hate me.

Oh, yes. The time.

Let me be honest with you, hormones: ANY TIME YOU WANT TO, LIKE, CHILL OUT?

WOULD BE AWESOME. SERIOUSLY.

Now, I know that you’re trying to return my 96 year-old, cane-using, Depends-wearing, World War Two-remembering, support hose-buying, prune-eating hormones into their normal 33-year old bouncy, baby-possible, barefoot selves. I do appreciate your efforts.

It’s just that the whole process has left me wrung out like a cheap dishrag more times than I can count.

But there’s something about a quadrupled cancer risk and tumbleweeds in my ovaries that keeps me hangin’ on.

Still.

Hormones.

Really. We could be a bit more sunny about this.

And I don’t mean making me FEEL LIKE I AM SITTING ON THE SURFACE OF THE SUN.

I’m just saying.

Love,

Meg

I will write a book. Of essays. About stuff. And also things. And I may publish it myself here. Would you buy it?

I will actually stop being an emotional hermit crab.

I will re-do my bedroom based on a bed like this.

I will buy this pair of boots in Chesnut and make a mockery of everything I have said about them in the past year.

I will start buying fresh flowers once a week.

I will learn to bake bread that is edible.

I will buy this lamp.

I will let go of resenting that bastard.

I will keep sleeping soundly. But go to bed earlier (!)

It’s really hard to say either way.