When I left the office at 5 o’clock to meet work friends, I had no idea what chaos would unfold in the space of an hour.

But I should have known, since I am me, and me = chaos.

And even if there is only an hour, I can fit the chaos in.

Oh, chaos.

And toes.

Oh, toes.

I’m so sorry I smashed you when I skidded across the sidewalk on a pile of wet leaves. I didn’t mean to squish you so thoroughly. But I did, just like I did last year.

The same exact way.

Oh, pedicure.

I’m sorry your OPI prettypretty was transformed into a mangled mosaic of leaves and blood and chipped sadness.

But thank heavens nachos awaited, only a block down the street.

Oh, nachos.

How tasty you are.

How I love it when you fill my belly!

But not so much my bra.

I’m sorry I let an entire chipful of your happy, spicy salsa escape straight into my shirt while I spoke to our new VP.

I didn’t know a chip could hold that much.

Sadly, I knew my bra could.

Thank heavens a refill of my signature perfume awaited only a block down the street.

Oh, Angel.

I’ve wanted to refill you for a long time. And so I did.

And the lady I bought it from was SO nice to me. She stuck all sorts of samples into my bag.

Oh, samples.

How I love to try new things!

Then I stole out into the rain to go home and oh, my.

Oh, rain.

WOULD YOU PLEASE FREAKING GO AWAY.

I consoled myself by giving all the samples a sniff.

Then I accidentally sprayed Covet into my eye.

That’s a little Old Testament for me.

Oh, Old Testament.

At least you spared me the locusts.