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1. Kiefer Sutherland
2. Butt implants
3. Insects that make noise when they move
4. Brie cheese
5. The stuff that collects at the bottom of trash cans
6. Anthony Robbins
7. The theme song from “Deliverance”
8. Red denim
9. Professional bodybuilders
10. Pickled animal parts
11. Spiders
12. Stains that cannot be removed
13. People on leashes
14. Junebugs
15. Oprah Winfrey
16. Spray tanning
17. MySpace
18. Clowns
19. Microspray
20. That I could name 19 things I feared in a matter of seconds

Oh, Halloween.

I know so many people that love you in all your costume-y, chocolate-y, pumpkin-y wonder.

They plan their costumes for months on end. They stockpile candy like sandbags in a flood. They attend loads of parties where they show off much more of themselves than anyone needs to see outside of the boudoir, or put on so much fake blood that they end up with an awkward rash.

It’s a thing. A thing they love.

It’s not so much my thing.

At my office, however, lots of people love to get into the spirit of ghosts and goblins and Glossettes, so I’ve tried a little harder to go with the flow.

For example, my costume today was going to be Facebook.

I was going to pin pictures to myself, hand out random invitations for things no one wanted to try, glue tiny Scrabble tiles to my face, and loudly announce my status every few minutes.

Then I didn’t.

Oh, well.

Happy Halloween!

Those two foxy mamas went to see Billy Joel tonight at GM Place, along with many, many other very white people.

(You should have seen them dance. Or whatever that is they were doing.)

I have videos and photos and all sorts of things, but I ALSO have tired brain and singing-loudly-along throat, so I shall tell you more tomorrow.

I will say this, though: Mr. Joel plays a mean piano, and still has a voice to be reckoned with.

It was a really amazing experience to watch him sing songs I used to belt out in the back seat as a kid.

Life is cool.

1. Rollerskate to hits of the 80’s in a twirly skirt.
2. Bake a cheesecake.
3. Ride a tandem bike around Stanley Park.
4. Go to a spa to get my entire body scrubbed mercilessly.
5. Try on ballgowns.
6. Make a giant brunch complete with strawberry waffles and bacon.
7. Go on the backwards disco ride at Playland.
8. Buy the perfect pair of black boots.
9. Jump on a trampoline until my insides feel jangly.
10. Sing with a jazz trio.
12. Take a nap in an ice hotel.
13. Watch judge shows on tv in my pajamas, making incredulous remarks in between sips of the latte someone brought me.
14. Discover the ideal tailored camel hair coat for $10.
15. Build a table with many, many power tools.

Ah, yes.

And what do you wish you were up to?

Still coughing, still congested, still bleah.

And I was such a good girl and went to the doctor this weekend. As my reward, I got a fairly odd/angry/disturbing physician at the drop-in clinic, and now I could have pneumonia, or bronchitis, or a bad cold… or maybe just a big nose?

What?

Any kind of antibiotics you want in particular? Do you have a favourite?

What?

I know, I’m not sure either.

BUT I AM SO DONE.

The more Muppets clips I watch as an adult, the more I realize how much of my brain I owe to Jim Henson.

I make a lot of mistakes.

I mean a lot of mistakes.

When it comes to mistakes, I am a leader in the industry.

I’m not sure that’s true, actually, because I know a lot of other people who make mistakes, too. Big ones. Often. With consequences and everything.

I just know it seems that I excel, and I’m all about how things seem.

Maybe that’s a mistake?

Hmm.

There are a lot of different ways to make mistakes. I think most mistakes fit under the same five categories, though:

1. Something you did that you should not have done.
2. Something you didn’t do that you should have done.
3. Something you said that you should not have said.
4. Something that you should have said that you didn’t.
5. The clothing of the 80’s.

My mistakes fit under all of these categories. Hence why I think I’m prodigious.

More often than not, however, I’m a big category 2 and 3 kind of girl. Which makes me sound like a hurricane… and I think that’s accurate at times.

I am a master of inaction and inappropriate words.

Kind of like a large rock spray-painted with a curse that offends people every time they drive by.

(That image reminds me of where I grew up. A category 5 town if ever there was one.)

When I look back on my recent mistakes, I can clearly see that most of what has gone wrong has happened as a result of procrastination and avoidance, coupled with a achingly sharp tongue.

How, you ask?

Well.

I put tough things off to the point where they become traumatic (or merely stupid) and then react badly when people say to me, “Hey, uh, if you’d done that sooner — or at all — you wouldn’t be in this position.”

Not really one for the accountability, you might say.

I also possess this odd desire to let the people that are closest to me know when they’ve hurt me. This is particularly wicked, because a) usually they didn’t mean to hurt me, and b) they’ve already apologized.

Which is when you let it go, right? Right.

But I have to make sure they really know, and then — mere seconds later! — I’m wishing I’d just shut up. By then the damage is done, though, and I’m caught in a stupid cycle again through some misguided effort to be “honest.”

Which is bullshit, really. Because it’s never about honesty at that point, it’s about hitting back.

And we all know how helpful that is. Especially when no one hit you in the first place.

Yeah.

I was looking up quotes on mistakes, because that’s a truly nerdy way to process thought.

People talk a lot about mistakes, I discovered. Famous people. Successful people.

In fact, if you wanted to feel awesome about all the mistakes you’ve made, read these quotes. Because apparently, making mistakes will lead to greater success, mental clarity, overcoming challenges, major discoveries, and massive personal development.

Nice!

Now I have like, ten good reasons to keep screwing up!

But the kind of mistakes I make are not advancing into the wrong country or messing up a digit in a formula or making a movie with Marlon Brando in his later career or trying to sell milk to cows, or any of the other classic successful people mistakes that they recount in inspirational talks at charitable events, or on Oprah.

(Which is a mistake in and of itself, but I’ll leave that alone for now.)

No, the kind of mistakes I make are not ones I learn from, because I keep making them. And I don’t make them in the midst of trying to do something positive, but rather the ongoing effort to indulge my own fears or hurt.

And that’s what needs to change.

Things happen in life and in relationships that suck. They blindside you and leave you at a loss. They embarrass you or scare you or confuse you. They make you wonder if they are going to become patterns, and not just one-time events. They make you think that how you saw the world before was somehow wrong or naive, and that you should have been prepared for what happened.

These things happen to everyone.

But what happens afterwards is what defines us. What happens when the dust settles, and there’s finally something to do besides lie on the ground and wonder why the truck chose to hit you.

I know this is what all those quotes refer to, and that’s why I react so sarcastically.

Because I know what I do.

I lie there in the middle of the road, daring something else to hit me and yelling at the drivers swerving around me. Or I sit in the ditch off to the side, watching traffic go by.

It hasn’t gotten me anywhere, the anger.

Not moving? Well, the results are obvious.

So I want something else now. Badly. Because I’ve finally realized I can have something else.

The past couple years of my life have taught me what’s possible when you take action and deal with your challenges and mistakes in constructive ways. I’ve done positive things that were incredibly difficult for me, and I’m proud of each one of those moments. The people who love me are proud, too.

I’ve also learned how destructive I can be when I refuse to move forward in life. The people who love me? Not such a fan of those times.

It’s overwhelming to realize everything that needs to change, and what needs work in how I communicate. How many mistakes there are to learn from. How many times I should have done things differently.

But it’s no more overwhelming than the thought of losing the people I love and the opportunities I desire by letting things stay the same.

Because I love the people I love.

And there are opportunities.

So I might as well get out of the road today.

The smallest palm tree in the Hollywood Hills. When I sent my dad this picture with my phone, he texted back, “leave it there.”

I did.

So I may not have a tiny palm tree, but I sure as hell have questions:

What products do you use?

Why do you do what you do?

What do you love?

I’m a writer.

I’m barely able to say that without giggling at this point, despite the fact that I’ve been professionally employed as a writer since 2005. Well, 2004, really, but I was freelancing at the time, and I don’t know that you could call what I was doing either “professional” or “employed.”

More “poor” and “oh my gosh.”

It seems like such a pretentious title to give myself, because what the heck is a writer? Well, it’s someone who writes.

Do you need to have readers to have the title? Does your writing need to make money to have the title? Do you need to write in a certain place to have the title? Or do you just need to have a pen and a piece of paper? I know plenty of people who “write for themselves” who far outstrip me in terms of writerly skill. They don’t need titles to be good.

In fact, reading blogs by non-employed writers is actually a great way to humble myself, especially when I realize that a lot of dentists and stay-at-home moms and computer programmers could kick my ass at what I do.

But people ask me what I do for a living, and I have to say something, so… yeah.

I don’t think I’m all the writer I should be or could be, though.

I think I should be doing a lot more writing, in different areas, of different types, and for different people. There are a lot of words in my brain yet to tumble out of my fingers onto the screen, and a lot of fresh perspective I know I could bring to different ideas and issues.

I have to start submitting my work to people who can put it places it needs to be. And I have to do that with the knowledge and confidence that I deserve to be read far more than I am right now.

But… whoa.

I’m confident at trivia, at making men over, at standing in front of microphones, in choosing the right melon, and at hugging.

Marketing myself? Not so much.

I believe in my ability. I know I can write. But to stand up and say, I CAN WRITE FOR YOU BETTER THAN THAT OTHER GUY, CHOOSE ME NOW?

That may require the assistance of an anti-inertia bomb… and a full suit of hockey pads to fend off the rejection letters. Because they’ll come, you know. It’s a tough, tough gig.

But I started this journey three years ago without any true experience or understanding of what it would. I left security behind, took the risk and faced all the ups and downs that came with it. And I wouldn’t change that decision.

I just need to find the way to push myself to the next step down the path.

And a bit of inspiration from you.

So:

1. How did you come to choose what you’re doing with your life right now?
2. Have you ever had to motivate yourself to achieve a different kind of success in your work? How did you do it?
3. Do you live to work, or work to live? Why?
4. Do you believe passion is a major ingredient in the work you do?
5. What’s the best career advice you ever received?

And…

1. Do you read often? What do you read?
2. Do you read for pleasure or just information?
3. What engages you in writing?
4. What do you think are the essential elements in “good” writing?

If you choose to answer any of these questions, I’d appreciate it. I think learning from other people is essential, even if you do have to make your own call and kick your own ass in the end.

Thanks!