inventions i’d like to… uh… invent.
** A device I could attach to manbrains to give me a readout of their thoughts. I realize most of the time I just wouldn’t want to know, but it would save me ever having to ask a “girl question” again.
** The non-stinging bee.
** A way to stop time when I have 48 hours worth of things to do in a 24-hour day.
** A volume knob for my voice that people could adjust to their heart’s content — and I could just keep yammering on as usual.
** Tweezers that said soothing things when you realize you just plucked off your arch.
** A “weirdo” forcefield to keep space violators from rubbing against me on transit.
** A mechanism like those post-surgery pet head cones that would keep me focused on what the hell I’m supposed to be doing, rather than 30 not-so-crucial things around me.
** A fake-tanning cream that made me look like Sophia Loren on a yacht.
** A giant alarm in my head that stops me when I’m about to react irrationally or say something that will get me in trouble.
** A dryer that doesn’t take two hours to get my towels fluffy.
** A lovely coffee-like drink would make falling asleep seem natural, be completely non-addictive, not leave me feeling like crud in the morning, and would give me only pleasant dreams (see: flying; John Cusack; surfing; winning Booker Prize; having babies; being ridiculously good-looking)
** A conversation eraser, when I’ve said something impossibly weird at the wrong time.
** A purse that would automatically make crumpled receipts, unlidded lipsticks, uncapped pens, and melty chocolate disappear, instead of trashing everything else in there.
Whaddya think?
Any possibilities there?
What would you like to invent?
September 9th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Brilliant. I LOVE IT!! I’ll take one of each.
September 9th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
Calorie free chocolate. And ice cream, while I’m at it.
Some sort of device that would make me actually *want* to do my work assignments and then make me focus till they’re complete.
September 9th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
That manbrain reader? Don’t waste time It’s either “Did I put the oil cap back on?”, “I wonder if the (name of favorite team) are playing today,” or “I should probably pay attention to what she’s saying. She’s going to ask me what I think any minute now.”
Me?
-A bracelet that starts to burn when I spend too much money, especially if I am in Las Vegas.
-Those little angel/devil pair that sits on the shoulders of cartoon people built into a cell phone.
-A refrigerator that automatically throws out food when it starts to go bad.
-A laundry hamper that does the laundry. And folds it. Hell, it should put it away, too.
-Super glasses that can look at clothing and see what it will look like after I wash it a few times.
-Remote control with a mute button, a la Being There. Only it works.
September 9th, 2007 at 8:52 pm
I need a search engine for my home…just pop in what’s missing and it will tell you EXACTLY where to find it AND who put it there!
September 9th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
you’ve covered everything meg!
September 10th, 2007 at 6:25 am
A self-cleaning bathroom.
September 10th, 2007 at 7:45 am
- An automatic mute and/or erase button for those times I say/do/write something that is not well received.
- A money tree. (As I sit here and thinking about other things, I realize the money tree would resolve SOOOOO many issues.)
September 10th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Yeah, I don’t think there’s all that much in man brains that’s worth reading….
How about something like the Babelfish that translates between manspeak and womanspeak?