Today’s list comes to you courtesy of the arachnid that decided to scale the majestic heights of ME.
Basically, Mr. Shirt Spider left me twitching like a junebug in a skillet. Every time my hair touches my neck, I do an odd sort of squealy dance.
(Which sounds like Steely Dan, but is very different.)
I’ve decided that the only solution to my issue is to cleanse my jittery, flappy-armed soul with a complete list of all the things/sensations/experiences that COMPLETELY skeeve me out. The Skeeve List, as it were.
If you decide to make your own Skeeve List on your own blog, please link to it in the comments. And if you don’t have a blog, fill up the comments with skeevitude. Everyone loves a good skeeve.
I’m twitching involuntarily RIGHT NOW!
THE TOP 30 SKEEVES
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1. The noise that junebugs make, slamming into lightbulbs.
2. The smooshy dark green sliminess of no-longer-fresh lettuce.
3. Teeth covered in lipstick.
4. Clammy handshakes.
5. Touching Styrofoam with freshly-trimmed fingernails.
6. Deep, chest-clearing coughs by people you don’t know in your immediate proximity (elevator, bus, coffee shop lineup, TB clinic waiting room)
7. Silverfish.
8. The sound of cottage cheese doing anything at all.
9. Pickled things that should not be pickled (eyeballs, eggs, hooves, lips, ears)
10. Canned gravy.
11. Guys who refer to their friends as “the posse.”
12. Moist towelettes.
13. Earwigs on ceilings (HE’S GOING TO FALL INTO YOUR EAR AND EAT YOUR BRAIN!)
14. People who pat your back weakly when they hug you.
15. Chains lodged in chest hair.
16. Axe body spray.
17. Those neon car lights under the chassis (or whatever the correct term would be.) Custom, yo!
18. Mouth-open eating of any kind.
19. Jellied salads.
20. Gas station bathrooms.
21. Excessive mayo in sandwiches.
22. Blue foods.
23. Leather bikinis.
24. Ultimate Fighting.
25. Men in unlined bathing suits. STOP IT.
26. Costco-size Velveeta.
27. Spiders that are not in gardens or the desert somewhere, stalking insects for documentaries.
28. Humidity.
29. Black bra, white t-shirt.
30. Sour cream and onion chips.
COME SKEEVE WITH ME!
Helping my 96-year old mother put on her bra.
On #16, I was throwing out the garbage the other day, and I saw an empty Axe container (can? bottle? I didn’t want to investigate) at the bottom of the garbage can we share with the other apartments on our floor, and I briefly considered trying to convince my wife that it was time for us to move.
SKEEVE LIST
1. Chewing on tin foil (accidentally of course… who would voluntarily chew on tin foil… sheesh, weirdo)
2. The word “Frisbee”
3. Things that have small holes in them… like swiss cheese. Mmmm, cheese is so good, but AHHHHH, there are holes.
4. 133t 5p34k
5. Gangsta clothes
6. Fake spinners
7. PT Cruisers (both the convertible and non convertible version… who came up with the idea to make a PT Cruiser convertible, honestly)
8. Barnacles
9. People who wear 10 pounds of make-up (who aren’t clowns)
10. Clowns
11. Nails scraping on chalkboards (not necessarily the sound… but the feeling)
12. Computer Viruses
13. Limewire
14. Filing
15. When the windshield fogs up cause the defrost sucks, and the only solution is to cook or to open the windows (but it’s raining of course)
16. Tying shoelaces
17. Wasabi
18. “Diet” anything
19. Aspartame
20. The fact that aspartame is spelled with an ‘m’ and all this time I thought it was with an ‘n’
21. Splenda
22. All-dressed Chips
23. Spoilers on vehicles that shouldn’t have spoilers
24. Pretentiously raised trucks (why do you need a 1.5 foot step ladder to get into your truck… just lower the damn thing)
25. Burrs
26. Smokers (unless they’re nice people admitingly trying to quit)
27. Scoliosis
28. Stolen Bike Seats
29. Ski School Management
30. People who throw cigarette buts on the ground (that’s my planet you’re ashing on jerkface)
What about creepy, nasty, unkempt feet? Like with too long toenails and callouses? While wearing sandals? EW.
1. Packing peanuts (they’re alive).
2. Big wasps. BIG. Also
3. Wasp nests.
4. Warm toothbrushes (accidentally rinsing with warm instead of cold water..yuk).
5. Walking barefoot on spilled sugar.
6. Running across “Girls Gone Wild” infomercials when I can’t sleep.
7. Slippery bathtubs (only time I think about statistics).
8. Public restrooms (I’m in and out quick).
9. Greasy stove tops.
10. Kyle.
Meg, I haven’t done a scientific survey, but your site may be the #1 source of smiles in my life presently.
1. The feel of fresh hot dogshit in my double-baggied hand.
2. The smell of my husband’s flavored chewing tobacco. Would he just QUIT already, please? EWW. His breath is always redolent of rotting spearmint or “Tropical Berry.” I haven’t kissed him on the mouth in eight months…
3. Humidity above 20%.
4. Lotion on my skin in 20%+ humidity.
5. Blackheads, anywhere.
Meg first i just have to respond to blue food. Have you ever had a blue/purple potato? omg, its the best veg ever invented! Buy one, zap in the micrwave 4 mins and you won’t believe it, mmmmmmm good.
Some of my skeeves are the same as Kyles; you have good taste man except PT Cruisers are ok. Its those goofy little Smart cars driven by a great big huge people that skeeve me out.
Facebook. i dont get it, maybe i’m too old. Havent found anyone yet.
Tin foil chewing, ew. i forget where or how this happened and i dont want to remember.
The word vomit.
The fuzz on peaches.
Tom Cruise.
Swiss cheese. And of course its on every sandwich in every fast food joint. Tell them to hold the cheese or substitute cheddar and it’ll take 4 cooks 20 mins. to do it, each checking the order twice.
Sanwiches that aren’t cut completely in half.
Smokers and butts on the ground, sidewalk, road; use an astray jerkos. Better yet, quit.
Drivers who dont butt up to the car in front at lights. Especially when they’ve prevented me from getting into the left hand turning lane. Why do people do this, even in lineups like construction or at the ferry terminals?
People who try to see my pin when i’m using the debit machine. Well, at least thats what it looks like. Back off nosy, give me some space!
Milk with an expiry date 6 months down the road!
and Costco lettuce that lasts the same time!
And my number one worst nightmare….hair in food. Makes me vomit. ew theres that word again.
Oh! Open Mouth Chewing drives me up the wall too. Since you like lists so much, I tagged you for the Stuart Smalley meme (10 things you like about yourself). Sorry, I hope tagging isn’t #31 on your skeeve list.
Bohemian Girl, it’s not a skeeve, but I generally am SUCH a bad meme-r. I won’t tag anyone else, and I tend to just answer in silly ways. BUT… I promise to do some version of it soon. I just don’t think I’m feeling ten good things about me today. Maybe my mom can write that one.
Hey carmie–try to get your husband to try Chantix. It really works. I finally convinced my husband to quit chewing (I mean, how disgusting, only it doesn’t smell like cigs do but still) and he used Chantix and it has been great. If he wants to quit, hopefully it will work for him. If it’s you that wants him to quit but he doesn’t want to…well, that’s another story.
Snakes. I understand the role they play in nature and I won’t intentionally kill one just because it slithers into my presence (or I stumble into its). They just need to do their business as far away from me as possible. Even thinking about being near one skeeves me….
Costco sized Velveeta + Humidity + Black Bra.
7. The bug or the band?
The bug, nerdo.:)
Mari’s skeeve: Tom Cruise
I almost spit water onto my laptop when I read that b/c it made me laugh out loud! OMG!
It amazes me that most of the skeeves on here are shared (at least amongst Meg’s readers), yet people STILL do them!
So to add to the list (since I agree with pretty much everything else posted):
1. People who INSIST on bathing in their cologne/perfume, etc. Really, I do like to BREATHE when I get on the bus – I didn’t plan on being oxygen deprived before 10 in the morning. Remember – just b/c YOU like it doesn’t me WE do!
2. Flying bugs who think my FACE is a good thing to fly past…repeatedly!
3. My creepy neighbor – it’s the grimace that he thinks passes for a smile *shudder*
4. Spiderwebs – when spun across pathways, which end up ON MY FACE! GAH!
5. Low riding jeans + thong underwear…on girls that look 12! (really any age…how is that attractive?)
6. The pink scunge that gets under my bathroom tap – ick!
7. Hair caught in the shower drain
8. The communal fridge at my workplace – I do NOT want to know what’s growing in the back of that thing.
9. Getting up in the middle of the night and stepping in something soft, moist, and squishy (usually a hairball courtesy of one of the felines).
10. SMOKERS! (Had to repeat that one)
11. SPITTERS! Really, hawking a lougie is so VERY attractive…really, it turns me on…please do it again, right in front of me, as I’m walking either behind or towards you…especially when you do it into the path I was planning on walking…MMM, delicious…ever heard of the PLAUGE!
12. The corns on my grandma’s feet (gag)
13. Bacne (you know – back acne) – please put your shirt back on
14. Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton
15. Soggy cereal
I love the fact that Chuck’s #10 was me.
It’s all I could hope for… to be on someone’s Skeeve list. Thanks Chuck, you made one of my dreams come true.
Oh who am I kidding, #31 is me on my skeeve list too… *shudder*.
1. Bending my fingernails back. I have thin nails. If I don’t cut them when they grow past 2mm in length, they bend backwards at least once a day and I absolutely freak every time it happens.
2. Maggots.
3. Tight fitting clothing on fat people. I don’t care if you’re fat, I don’t need to know HOW fat.
4. Centipedes.
5. Liver.
6. there is NO… rule 6.
Not a lot creeps me out, but
the smell of sweaty kids’ heads – time to run throught the sprinklers!
Reaching for my bath towel on the back of the bathroom door and a giant MOTH flying out! It’s not like it doesn’t get used all the time. Honestly! I wash!
Meg, you and I feel the same about moths and their prettier but equally disgusting friends, butterflies, so you can imagine my horror.
*shudder*