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I’m officially tired enough to be segueing into flaky at this point. Or maybe I’m just tired from being flaky?

I’m not so sure.

What I do know is this:

Yes, did you feel it? That’s right. NOTHING.

I don’t know if it’s hormones or the summertime or the fact that I haven’t slept for more than 4 hours in DAYS… but yeah.

I got nothin’.

So, for you, a list of things that have hopped into my mind to fill the void for the moment (and yes, I am astounded by my own vapidity at times, thank you!):

1. Celebrity pregnancies — Why do I hate the expression “baby bump”? Why is it so magical that stars get pregnant? People in Arkansas do it all the time. So do teenagers. And Mormons.

I mean, there are a lot of people who can’t get pregnant, sure. I’m one of them, so my specialist says. Not being able to get pregnant is not fun.

But I don’t think that being able to get pregnant is something to add to your resume. Being a good mom is, for sure.

Pregnant, though? Luck and genes, baby.

Back to this baby bump thing for a moment: how would you like it if people followed you around on your bad posture days and plastered you across magazine covers and television screens speculating about the condition of your womb? I don’t care how thin you are or how athletic you are… you’re going to wear a shirt or stand at an angle ONE OF THESE DAYS that will make you look as though you maybe, potentially, possibly… could be with child.

I’m just saying. There’s a huge difference between one too many cheeseburgers and an ill-fitting shirt, and being knocked up. And if there wasn’t, many, many women would avoid cheeseburgers.

2. Tearjerker movies — Why do we watch movies that make us cry? Is it catharsis? The need to reconnect with primal emotions? The release? The makeout potential of chicks seeing you weep like a baby at The Notebook? I don’t know, but whatever the heck it is, maaaaaan. That will wear you out.

I recently read a list compiled by Entertainment Weekly of the 25 Biggest Tearjerkers in movie history, and I was actually GETTING EMOTIONAL JUST READING THE SUMMARIES. Good heavens. That’s powerful stuff.

Whenever my life is remarkably overwhelming (as it seems to be at present), I crave a good tearjerker… just to take me completely over the edge. How’s that for a tipping point, Mr. Gladwell?

Eh, it makes me sound like a Cathy cartoon.

3. What I shall have for dinner? — If you know me, you know that I don’t like shopping for groceries in advance — especially produce. I know that’s probably the least brainy thing I do, seeing as you save money when you plan ahead, and skip hours of errands in a week chasing down the type of salmon you’re craving, or some odd herb for an odd salad you read about on Barefoot Contessa’s or Jamie Oliver’s websites.

But I don’t know what I’m going to want to eat three days from now, either. And yes… I want to eat what I want to eat when I want to eat it. I am ruled by my cravings!

No, that’s not even true.

The truth is, I eat one meal a day, essentially (NOT A WORD, MOM), so I’d like it to be amazing. Which means that I haunt recipe sites on my off-hours, searching for the ultimate marinade or pasta dish or some sort of unconventional use of vegetables (that sounded wrong.)

So. I don’t know what I want for dinner tonight, and usually, I would know by now. This confuses me. I’m thinking on it, though. Which is fun. I’m also a little famelicose. Which brings me to…

4. Really odd lists of words — Have you seen this? Good land. Odynometer? Scaevity? Zygostatical? Yeah. I’m a former English student and a present writer, but I keep wondering if I’m missing some magical linguistic nerd gene that makes people want to bring back words like weequashing into the modern vernacular.

Does it make me any less of a humanities geek? I still love words.

I just have no use for anyone who needs to have a doozy like brephophagist in their verbal quiver.

And on that note….

What was I saying?