megfowler.com

Don’t listen to people sticking out of garbage cans.

If they care enough, even a frog and a pig can find true love.

Friends only you can see are still your friends.

Life is better when you live with your best friend. And a duckie.

Embrace your size, even if you’re a giant bird.

Get to know the people in your neighborhood.

Once you learn the alphabet and how to count to 12, you can totally do 80% of the jobs available out there.

Don’t trust anyone who constantly asks you to tickle them.

If you can figure out which one of these things is not like the others, dating will be MUCH more easy.

It’s okay to just eat cookies now and then.

You only need two words to measure intimacy: NEAR… and FAR.

Because I just sneezed in my latte.

ANTIHISTAMINES

The throw-down inside my sinuses, magnified x 1000

Wikipedia says:

“An antihistamine is a drug which serves to reduce or eliminate effects mediated by histamine, an endogenous chemical mediator released during allergic reactions, through action at the histamine receptor.

Only agents where the main therapeutic effect is mediated by negative modulation of histamine receptors are termed antihistamines - other agents may have antihistaminergic action but are not true antihistamines.”

I say, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

If there’s an antihistamine to be had, I’ve had it. In addition to asthma and chronic rhinitis, I’m allergic to so many different types of trees, grasses and molds (way to live near a rainforest, dumbass) and so many airborne pollutants (way to live in a city, dumbass) and so many other random things (venison? really? dumbass!) that there’s always SOMETHING to be puffy/itchy/watery/sneezy/runny/congesty about. Blech.

This is why, for multiple months every year, I sound alternately like a squeak toy or a pitbull. Everyone has some homeo-somethingorother remedy they want to suggest beyond the world of modern science, but I gotta tell you… I’m a drug case.

In fact, the fastest way to irritate me is to suggest a remedy for my allergies that you think I haven’t thought of as though I would CHOOSE to spend my life burning through Kleenex and breathing like a freight train all summer. Naturally, if I could take Vitamin C or root of newt to fix it, I WOULD. I even weaned myself off of all the drugs once to try a fun regimen of sinal irrigation (Patia!) and herbs. My eyes swelled shut and I thought my nose was going to fall off of my face. AND I got a cool rash.

So. Antihistamines are necessary. But few of them actually WORK, either, unless you take them in random and elusive combinations that leave you feeling vaguely disoriented and slightly floaty. But it’s better than dying of post-nasal drip.

Here’s a list of what I’m on right now:

Loratadine
Cetirizine
Fexofendine

If I ever adopt triplets, those are totally the names.

External Links:

Wikipedia entry on allergies
Wikipedia entry on deviated septums (septii?)
A photo of me looking totally impressed at the height of allergy season

As requested by Darren.

PAVEL BURE

Bure after being traded to the Dark Side

Pavel Bure was picked 113th overall in the 6th round of the 1989 NHL Entry Draft by the Vancouver Canucks, out of the Central Red Army of Russia. His first season with the Canucks was 1991-92, at the end of which he was awarded the Calder Memorial Trophy as the NHL’s top rookie player.

He is considered by many to be a big part of why Vancouver nearly won the 1994 Stanley Cup (JE ME SOUVIENS) after he recorded several 60 pt. seasons, and consistently dominated the ice with his unique (and somewhat flashy) scoring technique. He also went on to play in several All Star games.

Eventually, he decided he was not going to skate in Vancouver anymore, and in 1999, took his toys and went to Florida to join the Panthers. Ew. Then he went to the Rangers in 2002. EW.

Eventually, his career as a player ended in 2005, due to the after effects of a knee injury sustained in 2003 (or it may have been the broken engagement with Anna Kournikova… we’ll never know. She ended up with Enrique Iglesias. Ouch. As REM would say, everybody hurts sometimes.)

There have been all sorts of weird rumours surrounding Pavel in Vancouver: he wore lipgloss (okay, I started that one); he was bisexual and romantically involved with Marc Messier (I didn’t start that one, though it sounds like I might have); and that the real reason he left the Canucks was that he could never quite get his hair to do that adorable curly thing like Trevor Linden’s does (I made that one up.)

I’m not a huge fan — I tend to shy away from primadonna players, as gorgeous as their efforts may be at times. I like the ones who balance elegance with a touch more grit.

I will say this for Pavel Bure — when he was on, he was ON. His style of play was crazy effortless at times, much like currently NHL wunderkind, Alexander Ovechkin. Sadly, however, I think “effortless” eventually translated into a lack of effort, and his career fizzled out rather unnecessarily as a result.

Sure, sure… the injury. But I think his heart left the game a couple years before he did.

On a completely related-yet-unrelated note, Pavel’s fellow hockey-playing brother, Valeri, is now married to Kirk Cameron’s (of Growing Pains and Left Behind fame) sister Candace (of Full House fame — though according to IMDB, she was also in Punky Brewster (!) TJ Hooker (!!) and Who’s the Boss (!!!)

Damn.

External links:

Pavel Bure stats page at his fan club
Pavel Bure’s NHL.com page
The cover of a book on Pavel Bure, in which he looks rather slinky
A haunting photo of Kirk Cameron, just because

As requested by Liz.

GERBILS

Gerbils are small rodents that have somehow managed to work their way into the hearts of children everywhere (and other places, too… according to the Wikipedia disambiguation page linked below. Ack.)

I am no big fan of gerbils; they tend to be rather belligerent where I’m concerned, and bite my fingers when I try to pick them up. This always nearly results in me dropping the gerbil on the ground, but NO, I tell myself, hang on until you can put him in his cage.

Once a gerbil drew blood on my finger. That gerbil’s name was Phillip.

External links:

Wikipedia’s gerbil disambiguation page (holy crap, is all I can say)
An I Heart Gerbils sticker, for gerbil… um… lovers

As submitted by my co-worker, the first ever Megipedia entry will be on wee Kleenex packages.

WEE KLEENEX PACKAGES

As a major allergy sufferer and former childcare worker, let me tell you… wee Kleenex packages have saved my life more than once. Well. Not literally, like McGyver.

You can get them in a variety of attractive motifs (”colour bars” is my favourite design) to suit your own personal style. Once you choose a design, simply put these small plastic-wrapped packages in every purse and coat pocket you have, just in case you have any dripping/cleanup/bleeding emergencies when you’re out and about.

My mom likes to fold up wads of Kleenex and put them in her purse, but it’s not the same.

Also, my dad used to buy me Sniffs, but Sniffs are too Stiff. Meh.

The only problem with wee Kleenex packages is when there are only one or two left, and they escape their wrapping and shred all over your purse. Also, when I forget they are in a pocket and wash them.

Oops.

External Links:

Kleenex.com

Wikipedia entry on allergies

That’s right.

I’m just that much of a nerd.

Because I am such a known Wikipedia addict, I’ve decided to start my own online encyclopedia: Megipedia.

Each entry on Megipedia will contain all the information I know on a given subject, as well as my opinions on said subject. They can be short (Megipedia stub) or long (Megipedia obsession.)

You can offer comments on Megipedia entries in the hopes that Megipedia editors will adjust the information. If your information makes it into the entry, you’ll receive credit.

(But I wouldn’t hold your breath. The editors are stubborn and willful like gerbils.)

Please submit any terms you’d like Megipedia’d in the comments below, or email them to megATmegfowlerDOTcom.

To see all the Megipedia entries, just click the Megipedia category to your right.

I actually have no idea.

That title was a complete lie.

I can’t even fathom how to keep from turning into a sundried tomato as soon as I step out of my air-conditioned office.

Am I lucky to be in an air-conditioned office? Why yes, yes I am, actually.

But that doesn’t save me when I leave work and have to make due with hordes of sweaty, malcontent people on buses, in stores, on the streets, and in my home.

Granted, my stunning roommate Catherine is neither a horde, nor a malcontent.

But you can imagine how she COULD be, given that our thermostat stopped playing with us at 40 C last night, and all our candles melted on the deck, and every flower or food item that wasn’t in the fridge wilted into a sad, sorry shell of its former self.

We actually ended up ordering pizza, because the thought of turning on the oven or stove made us want to weep and flail.

At least we got a nice sunset out of it:

When it finally came time to crawl inside from the relative cool of our deck (and I’m smirking as I type that), we each took nearly hypothermic showers before bed. The aim was to trick our bodies into believing they were in Antarctica, and not the Lower Painland.

And it worked for a second, too… approximately the same amount of time it took me to step out of the shower. By the time I was lying on top of my sheets, I could feel the heat bearing down on me like a thick blanket of blech.

BUT.

I did fall asleep eventually. Apparently, I even got cool enough in the middle of the night to require a blanket, because I woke up sweltering under a quilt.

All in all, I’m pretty damn thankful for the sunshine, even if it brings the soul-dampening humidity and heat that turn me into a pathetic, whiny girl idly rattling the last ice cube in her not-so-cold-anymore latte.

Especially if the alternative is a hot RAINY day. Echhh.

Because no one needs THAT.

1. Start more sentences with: “Does this look infected to you?”

2. Three words: American Idol Ringtones.

3. Look enviously at anything anyone is eating, and say, “I wish I could eat (insert name of food here), but it goes straight to my hips.”

4. Quote any of the following: Paris Hilton, Jerry Seinfeld, Oprah, Sigmund Freud (or any animated series.)

5. Forget your wallet when you go out. A lot.

6. Three more words: No Pants Fridays.

7. Get a panicked look after you eat anything, and say, “Was there nuts in this?”

8. Listen to anyone’s plans of any kind, and say, “Well. Must be nice…”

9. Three more words: Harry Potter Fanatic.