look at my boobs! I am very smart!
A month or so ago, Catherine and I were driving along in her car when a song came on the radio that gave us both pause. Not because it was extraordinarily awesome, and not because it was extraordinarily bad, but because it was just so… typical.
So typical that it stood out.
See, I’ve long been of the opinion that girls today are being screwed over by popular music just like the girls in my generation were… except MUCH, MUCH MORE SO.
The lyrics aren’t getting any worse per se, and the women aren’t any more tarty than they once were (though you could argue that, at which point I’d offer you the full Samantha Fox discography, plus a reel of Tawny Kitaen rolling across the hood of a car in a Whitesnake video and Loni Anderson on KWRP) but now the messages are being couched in self-empowerment.
We’ve been Madonna-ized. Without the cone bra.
But.
The song in question:
There’s more to me than meets the eye
so come and look inside
Go deep…
‘Cause beauty’s more than skin deep
Okay, try and ignore for a second there that they rhymed “deep” with “deep”, and that there are two full cliches in the space of four lines.
When you read those lines, you think, “Well, that’s good! There is more to me than meets the eye! And beauty is more than skin deep! Yeah! Boys! Check me out — I have substance, even if I don’t own a thesaurus!”
Then you get a little more understanding of the kind of girl we’re talking here:
Don’t need to know the kind of guy
who’s quick to drop the fly
Wham bam!
That ain’t who I am…
Ah! So you’re not planning to date within the NBA? Good for you.
Then it kinda falls apart.
Don’t a-let my booty beauty
be the only reason you wanna ride
Don’t a-let my hottie body
jack the fact that I got a lot more in mind
It sounds good — I mean, you want people to look past your hotness to your internal awesomeness, right?
But was anyone really paying attention after you said “booty beauty”?
This is the dilemma of late teens/early twenties/(oh, who am I kidding) early thirties women today.
We’ve turned into nudists screaming at people not to stare at our bits.
“I am proud of my body! I love my body! Look at my sexual empowerment! Do you see my ass? It rocks! HEY! STOP LOOKING AT MY ASS! BEAUTY IS MORE THAN SKIN DEEP! BUT I DON’T BLAME YOU, THESE JEANS MAKE MY ASS LOOK AWESOME!”
It’s a little confusing.
Then we get to the chorus:
If it’s just the physical
It would be sensational
But if you really got into me
You know you’d be insatiable
I get the whole point: I’m pretty freakin’ hot and you’d be lucky to have me but DID YOU KNOW I ALSO CAN DISCUSS CAMUS AND HAVE A CERTIFICATE IN THAI COOKERY?
Why do we always need to make such a point of our sexual identity in the first place, though? Why do we have to be so bluntly, obviously, blatantly hot as hell and THEN, once we are SUPER SEXY WHOA, be something else, too?
I suppose it comes down to this:
The culture we’ve developed for young women has made blunt-force sexuality synonymous with empowerment, and THEN asked those same girls with the visible thong and two-foot cleavage to make sure that men notice their hearts, too. Well, I guess it IS sticking right out there…
How about we don’t dress them up like Paris Hilton, and then ask them to tuck a copy of the Iliad in their hobo bag?
How about we keep Joe Francis away from institutions of higher education?
How about we tell them to ignore any man who needs reminding that they have a brain?
Don’t get me wrong — I LOVE a good wallop of chemistry to get things going, and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying that chemistry and sexuality in general. Girls can like that physical spark as much (or more!) than guys. And perhaps I own one or two shirts that don’t come all the way to, say, my chin.
Sex is not a bad thing. (Unless Joe Francis is involved.)
But I’m tired of watching young girls try and be everything at once, and only succeeding at communicating one aspect of who they are because we’ve taught them nothing about subtlety or true self-respect (or how to put on clothing that covers their drafty parts).
Maybe I’m just getting old.
Or distracted by my own hotness.
It’s hard to say.
LOOK AT MY NAVEL! I KNOW DEAD LANGUAGES!
July 18th, 2007 at 9:36 am
Hey Meg,
Okay, I read you pretty regularly, but this HAS to be my favourite thing I’ve ever read of yours!!! You have articulated in words for me that gnarly ball of disgust that pops up everytime a woman-defaming, confused, neurotic (lookatme! don’tlookatme!) song comes on the radio. Way to go.
You need a freakin column, girl.
Oh yeah and how fun to hear you on the radio these days …
We need to have that game of Scrabble soon with Dawn and Miss Catherine …
S.
July 18th, 2007 at 9:48 am
“I am proud of my body! I love my body! Look at my sexual empowerment! Do you see my ass? It rocks! HEY! STOP LOOKING AT MY ASS! BEAUTY IS MORE THAN SKIN DEEP! BUT I DON’T BLAME YOU, THESE JEANS MAKE MY ASS LOOK AWESOME!”
Couldn’t have pointed out the ironty better myself. Well put.
July 18th, 2007 at 9:54 am
So true! The messages our culture sends young women these days are far beyond mixed. Sexuality is twisted into knots. And its not like being a teen was easy to begin with.
July 18th, 2007 at 10:10 am
I generally like to slice my camus quite thinly when including them in pad Thai (how’s that capitalized, by the way?). A camu has a lot of kick to it, so use it sparingly.
Treading delicately, I think this particular contradiction (along with the whole babies/work question, articulately expressed in Melanie Doane’s “Happy Homemaker”) is a reflection of our society in flux on gender.
It’s also worth noting that our culture is pretty rife with disenfranchised, emasculated or otherwise lame men (to pick a few, “The Sopranos”, “Forty-Year-Old Virgin”, “Arrested Development” and so forth). Consider also that our most ‘masculine’ popular male role models are Justin Timberlake and David Beckham.
That’s not a defence of anything, just further evidence that traditional gender roles are permanently broken, and we’re collectively baffled by how to construct new ones. That’ll take time, and we have the fortune or misfortune to live in the transitional gap.
July 18th, 2007 at 10:17 am
I totally agree with you.
Then again, you have all the boys in Ocean’s 13. And the fact that there are still Robert Redfords and Paul Newmans running around. And Tom Brady. And Stevie Nash. And Trevor Linden.
They’re considered attractive AND intelligent without having to be overtly sexual or perfect or unwrinkled… but it’s hard to find females who have been extended the same grace.
But it was mostly popular music and starlet culture that was pissing me off in this one. ;-)
July 18th, 2007 at 10:52 am
I couldn’t care less about the firmness of one’s ass or the perkiness of one’s boobs - just gimme some eyes to drown in and a kiss that makes me dizzy and I’m a happy camper. Paris Hilton is a stick insect that has partially learned to dress herself, possesses all the personality of a plastic pot-plant and is about as hot as dengue fever. I’m no Brad Pitt myself but I’d step over her to get to Meg, any day.
Hiya, Meg. :-)
July 18th, 2007 at 11:21 am
Meg, I completely love this post and not just because I love everything you write. But because you are so right.
And I totally spit out my coffee when I read that last line. Hilarious.
July 18th, 2007 at 11:23 am
i am terrified of raising a daughter.
July 18th, 2007 at 11:32 am
AMEN
AMEN
AMEN
AMEN
Can I just say GO MEG, YOU ROCK IT SISTAH, I WISH MORE PEOPLE WERE SAYING THIS EVERY SINGLE DAY!
AMEN!!!!!!
July 18th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
This is why I think uniforms should be mandatory in schools. And by uniforms I clearly mean potato sacks.
July 18th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Bring back the Brill Building!!!
July 18th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
I think a large part of the issue is that everyone’s become hungry for celebrity–since Paris and her hangers-on have shown that it’s possible be famous for exactly NOTHING–and they are screaming “LOOK AT ME!!” in every possible way. It’s sad. Very sad.
July 18th, 2007 at 4:02 pm
LOOK AT MY NAVEL! I KNOW DEAD LANGUAGES!
Those are simply the best two sentences I’ve seen put together in the last week. Awesome.
Seriously, Meg, you need to start making t-shirts. I vote for the above.
July 18th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
What the young girls who emulate the media barbie dolls don’t seem to realize, is that they won’t be this perfect and perky and young forever. They will get older; a new gaggle of bellybuttons and bumcracks are right on their heels. So, while it is nice to be recognized as pretty or sexy, they’d best be finding something else about themselves that is going to stand the test of time.
I remember being their age and hoping that people thought I was nice or smart or funny. If people thought I was pretty as well as nice, smart and funny, that was just an added bonus.
And whatever happened to pretty? Where are the pretty girls? Not the sexy girls or the trampy girls, but the honest to goodness pretty, young women? I think the paparazzi must’ve knocked them down in their haste to get a shot up Paris’ skirt!
July 18th, 2007 at 9:33 pm
You? Rock.
July 19th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Hi Meg, I think this is an example of why Freud asked the question, “What do women want?” The way girls dress these days it must be making it hard for the whores to stand out in a crowd. I think you are right on in explaining the dilemma that young women face. One has to wonder, “What’s next!”
Please take a look at my blog fredbellpaintings.blogspot.com I am a painter and post the painting that I worked on that day. I do a new painting almost each day. My work sells in galleries and on eBay.
You have a great site and are a terrific writer. I can see why you are so popular. You seem nice.
July 24th, 2007 at 7:48 am
I think you expressed the craziness and confusion quite well. I used to think I wanted a daughter, but (and is this a cop out on my part?) I find myself relieved to have a son. I don’t know how parents of girls manage in the sex = empowerment age.
September 15th, 2007 at 11:15 pm
I have never read your blog. I don’t know who you are or anything about you, for that matter. In fact, the only reason I stumbled across this site was to look for lyrics to the very song that you trashed? Why? Because, like you, I was confused at what this person was trying to say.
Long story short, I’m so glad I found this page because everything you said was exactly the way I see it, and I’m glad a few people have the sense to speak up about it. Also, this was bloody hilarious, too. You really know how to make a point.
I wouldn’t feel right leaving here without letting you know how great this piece is. Kudos.
December 29th, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Meg, you should be submitting this to some magazines and/or newspapers. It’s fantastic.
January 18th, 2008 at 9:56 am
So funny. I second the t-shirt idea for those last two sentences.
January 25th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
great post. you’ve got my vote!
February 4th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Bravo, Bravo
February 17th, 2008 at 4:52 am
I’m of the Hippy generation. Our idea of female strength included female natural sexual beauty (can’t avoid it), but reduced males to some Christian version of masculinity - sweet and touchy-feely. I had come from a free-thinking hippy background before the movement hit the masses, so I just wore the clothes, didn’t do the sec or the drugs. I turned my back on the whole thing when there was a spontaneous love-in at Queen’s Park. From my point of view, then, the blatant sexuality displayed by Madonna was not a good thing. Women are naturally sexy and don’t need to do anything to enhance that. I can see the Muslim women’s attire catching on as a backlash. That’s scary, but it wouldn’t be surprising. Most people aren’t capable of intellectually separating religion and culture. I’m Christian - raised as such, behaving as such, so that’s me. We used to have dress codes for females. It’s funny to see where that’s at today. The local Catholic schoolgirls are the most obscenely dressed with their skirts up to their asses. And the Church is a patriarchy, but oh well - quite a mess. So it all comes down to How To Dress a Woman. Think trendy librarian.
February 19th, 2008 at 1:53 am
I stumbled upon your website and really appreciated your point of view. I don’t have anything to add to your article, just wanted to pay my compliments.
February 19th, 2008 at 5:22 am
This is great. I’m teaching a pop-culture themed freshman composition course and I’d like to use this essay in my class (one-time fair-use copyright law, of course). It really gets at the heart of a lot of issues that we’re dealing with in popular music.
Please come over to my site, http://www.badassdad.com if you would. I’d love to be linked up.
February 19th, 2008 at 7:33 am
i highly commend your efforts, especially in giving such a topic an easy-to-read and understand run down. you are eloquent and articulate. but, the good girl/bad girl binary ain’t nothing new!
February 19th, 2008 at 9:25 am
The problem is that you are listening to shitty music on shitty radio stations. You should switch to Oldies radio and hear Aretha sing about Respect. Better yet, play CD’s of music you like and cut the radio stations out of it all together.
It’s not Madonna’s fault- though she has contributed and benefited from the trend- it is the marketing machine that uses sex to sell fashion and self-empowerment to sell fashion magazines.
I hope this all gets figured out soon, because it is very confusing for us men. We’d like to appreciate you gorgeous cans, but we’re also super impressed that you can beat us at anything in the world. Mostly we just want to be able to express both those sentiments without getting sued.
February 19th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Sex is the least common denominator. No wonder women are ambivalent re “sexual empowerment.” Power to - what? Evoke “You know you’d be insatiable?” Every higher instinct goes against that. Popular culture is so contractive. Makes me want to watch Gaudy Night, or talk with a woman who knows dead languages.
February 19th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
this was posted on my birthday. that makes it extra special. now i am commenting 8 months later. wowzies! profound!
February 19th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
I can’t say as to whether or not my opinion on the matter speaks for the majority of my demographic (that of a teenage male) but my opinion does at least hold true for the majority of those who I associate with, which must count for something. Essentially I feel as though the whole of pop culture had become perverse and ludicrous. This is especially true of young women, who, as you pointed out, are taught that sex=empowerment, when in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Women are not sticking it to athority by dressing like tramps (indeed - it is corporate athority that designed this fashion), and they also arn’t doing much to show themselves off as anything but sex objects. And I hope I speak for the majority of my gender, but I would take a well-read, ecclecticly dressed, and intelligent woman over anyone that I have ever seen on MTV.
February 20th, 2008 at 12:33 am
I came across this blog post via Stumbleupon and I have to add another “Well said!” to the chorus.
I especially appreciate getting a sense from your post that it’s the confused hypocrisy of drawing attention to sexuality *and then chastising others for noticing* that is the problem here.
Sexuality is definitely not equal to empowerment. I think in fact this misperception reinforces old stereotypes about all women being manipulative.
I’ll just add that I think we women have a right to put our bodies on display if we so choose (media messages notwithstanding), but as girls, we should damn well be taught to understand that if we exhibit ourselves, we have to expect it to be… appreciated.
By the way, to the person who advocated school uniforms: Have you ever seen Japanese high school kids at a low level school? If you do so now, you will witness big hair (boys as well as girls, actually), loosely-buttoned shirts, hiked up skirts (that were already short to begin with), boyfriend accessories (and boys wearing huge barrettes), and so on. Uniforms mean nothing unless you plan to enforce them like a nazi (and that would probably demoralise students).
February 20th, 2008 at 9:20 am
LOL..Boy, I could get up on a soap box and rant for hours on how men seem to think that all women like the cat calls, and the “Oh baby you hot thing”. I just want to scream….Hello you idiot, thanks for sharing. Then there are the women who will flaunt whatever it takes to get attention. However, it’s not just the whole look at me I’m sexy thing but the lack of manners and morals in general that many girls have today. By manners I mean…..girls spitting on the ground, cussing like a sailor, burping out loud, talking about taking a crap, and farting in front of anyone and laughing about it!
It’s disgusting!
So, it’s no wonder guys think girls like how they act and what they say…..many of these girls act just like guys …but with boobs!
February 21st, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Excellent post and very well said. Too bad more people don’t seem to see it/hear it/notice it because it’s everywhere.
Don’t even get me started on the clothes for very young girls that’s out there…
February 22nd, 2008 at 5:19 am
It’s nice to know that not all girls drafty parts is the space between their ears. ’tis a pity the girls who perpetrate this kind of thing are getting paid millions and therefore won’t stop for a bit, and the girls who are watching it and taking it upon their own lives probably won’t read this.
So if yer a girl with an understanding of the concept of modesty who reads this, do ya best to work against it.
February 23rd, 2008 at 5:15 am
This is fabulous stuff Meg, I want the t-shirt.
February 24th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
One aspect of this topic that I think has been largely ignored is the fact that all this “hotness” stems from the idea that prettyness is a girl’s priority. Where are all the boys in short skirts? I wouldn’t mind different fashions if it wasn’t all so sexist.
Oh, and to the poster that said that if people stop buying, companies will stop producing, that statement is really naive.
February 29th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
This reminds me of a porn star who had a slight reduction and went to law school. As if anyone was going to really take her seriously while she’s still sporting those EE’s and not by any means trying to make them appear “moderate.” It was clear she was sporting them all out for the world to see, but gee, why can’t I catch a break in the legal field??
There are boobs everywhere - of both kinds. Unfortunately there are far too many boobs (as in idiots) than there needs to be.
February 29th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
So what is your IQ??? 36D or 148?
you’re definitely a must follow, really digging your words.
February 29th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
I’d like to add something witty, but that avenue seems covered, so….
I’d guess that this crowd might already have this link, but in case someone missed it. Check out George for a bit of balance.
http://www.geologicrecords.net/geoCoelacanth.asp. see track 1.
February 29th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
I can catch a monkey.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
I’m proud of my body! Look at my sexual empowerment! See my ass? It’s hot! HEY! STOP LOOKING AT MY ASS! BEAUTY IS MORE THAN SKIN DEEP! BUT I DON’T BLAME YOU, THESE JEANS MAKE MY ASS LOOK AWESOME!
You need to add this one to your Cafepress Store, Meg.
April 9th, 2008 at 5:55 am
found your site while stumbling.love it!!
April 9th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
I’m also a stumbler. great post. regretfully true.
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:53 am
I had to find the piece in question after you mentioned it on Twitter. I went for the easiest search terms I could think of. :)
Great take. I have too many thoughts to dump here in the comments. Let’s just say 80% of the females I’ve dated had no idea which side of the fence to come down on, and as you can imagine, that doesn’t breed a fun self esteem situation.