ten things that you won’t see at my wedding. i stake my life on it.
I have neither a groom nor a date. But I DO have opinions.
1. A cake.
2. A cake face smash.
3. More than three toasts. Bride, groom, parents WE’RE DONE.
4. Anyone flipping out at anyone. I don’t care if the BBQ catches on fire or if the groom is ninety minutes late or the minister messes up my name or it rains or someone gets seated with someone they don’t like. WE ARE HAVING FUN.
5. The bouquet toss. I’m keeping that sucker!
6. A DJ saying, “Lesssssss jusssst slow it dooooooown a little with some Phiiiillll Collllllins….” IF ANYONE TRIES TO PLAY A GROOVY KIND OF LOVE AT MY WEDDING I WILL MAKE DEMON EYES. Which somewhat contradicts no. 4… but I reserve the right to be irrational about Phil Collins.
7. A vegetable medley, growing soft over a can of Sterno. And that, my friends, was the most magical sentence I have ever written.
8. Texting at the altar. “OMG I GOT A POKE FROM FACEBOOK MOBILE.”
9. Carnations.
10. Butterflies. AAAAAA.
June 15th, 2007 at 11:00 am
Ditto to absolutely everything above! Thank you!
June 15th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Lol. I find this hilarious because I am planning a wedding and write a wedding planning blog! I feel you on the cake smash bit. Unfortunately my groom feels somewhat differently, and that boy is STUBBORN so I fear there will be no convincing him otherwise. But he’s been threatened with a very, VERY slow and painful death if one crumb so much as brushes my dress on its way down to the floor. He promises that it will be “cute and sweet,” not messy or violent and I have no choice but to believe him!
Also: get a tossing bouquet. Keep the good one :)
June 15th, 2007 at 11:09 am
No cake? What about ice cream? Or chocolates? Or Timbits?
June 15th, 2007 at 11:11 am
A dessert bar, I think. All sorts of stuff. Just not a damn wedding cake that I have to cut for the damn pictures that costs a million damn dollars and tastes like cardboard.
Can you tell how determined I am to avoid it? :-)
June 15th, 2007 at 11:33 am
I didn’t do a bouquet toss and no one noticed. Kev was sweet and did not smash cake in my face. I would have been so angry! I loved my cakes though, my mom and auntie made them! They were gorgeous!
We were so calm that day! When you get married, pick a place where they do everything! It makes things so stress free. I actually really enjoyed every moment of my wedding day and I have only one regret, I wish I had worn my hair down. Other than that, it was exactly as I always wished!
June 15th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
At Irish weddings, it’s traditional for a table of people to ‘open a book’ and bet on the lengths of the speeches. At one wedding I attended, the speeches ran to an hour and five minutes. Oy.
June 15th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
NO CAKE? I think you’ve said that before and I probably reacted the same way. Not even a DONUT CAKE?
June 15th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
how about one of those cupcake cakes from ‘cupcakes’? also you forgot to mention NO rain, or drizzle of any kind.
June 15th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
oops. stupid me for reading too fast. you did mention rain. my bad. i’ll go back to lurking & not embarrassing myself.
June 15th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
How about chocolate dipped strawberries instead of cake? yum
June 16th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
We had a dessert bar AND a tasty cake. I could have lived without the cake, though. My SIL had a FAKE cake, just for the pictures.
And? I’m with you on Carnations. They should be banned from the planet :)
June 16th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Hmm, having gone through a wedding in latter years (aged 40), I did have some ideas of what I would and wouldn’t have at my wedding. The next thing I knew I was in the middle of a field on Mount Ranier, being married by an Internet priestess (The Reverend Sue Zen) with a sage smudge, surrounded by 60 friends and family who came to spend a long weekend in the woods as we married in a Quaker ceremony, ate six whole salmon that we cooked ourselves, and nibbled–not smashed–a beautiful cake covered with flattened edible flowers, while we danced to music thrown together by our nephew/DJ.
I never saw that one coming. But it was grand.