one year ago today.
I used to.
I used to like guys who devoted a ton of their time to sports. Now I really like guys who devote a ton of time to being happy, whatever shape that might take.
I used to watch soap operas when I came home from university every day. Now I can’t sit through five minutes without wanting to strangle the writers.
I used to want to eat sour things all the time. Lemon juice, salt and vinegar chips, SweetTarts, Sour ChupaChups, Cherry Kool-Aid without the sugar, and slightly unripe kumquats. I think they were the only things I could taste half the time, between bouts of allergies and my omnipresent colds and sinus issues. Everyone was so impressed that I could eat a whole lemon without wincing. But I really would have liked to appreciate subtle things more. It’s just that they tasted like air.
I used to believe that I would marry young, have tons of babies, and write on the side when my kids went off to school. I thought this was the best use of all my skills. I thought I’d fall in love early, and that would be that. I forgot that someone else needs to agree to the plan, too.
I used to collect Princess Diana memorabilia. I stopped long before she died, though. I don’t know where all the boxes are anymore, but it feels creepy to me now that I wanted so badly to look and live like someone who was ultimately unhappy, rejected by someone she gave her life to, and taken by a stupid, preventable accident. Why are we so quick to buy into dreams without checking to see if they are really nightmares?
I used to have oddly square eyebrows. They still try to grow that way. I own them now, though.
I used to be really good at keeping in touch with my friends. Then I became a jerk. How do you find your way back out of that?
I used to believe that faith is a simple thing. But now I think that faith is the least simple element of my life. I’d love to feel that sense of calm and conviction again, but maybe it’s better to wrestle with doubt and find peace after a journey than to stay in the same spot, not moving, hoping no one disturbs me.
I used to think Jamieson Parker was hot, hot, hot. Now he’s old, old, old.
I used to think 33 was old. God help me, I think I still do.
June 12th, 2007 at 10:54 am
i used to think 33 was old. but i was 11 or 12 at the time. then one day it occured to me that my mom was 35 when i was born. now i am not sure what is old. i think old is more a feeling than a number. :)
June 12th, 2007 at 11:13 am
what a great post.
33 is the new 23 ;)
June 12th, 2007 at 11:45 am
You’re not old. 93 is old.
June 12th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
Posts like this are what keep me coming back here daily. You are so great.
June 12th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
I used to think 33 was old. God help me, I think I still do.
I did too Meg, but then, i was because i was a grandma already! I wasted all those young years and now i’m really old and i see things differently. Its really too bad thats its only in retrospect that you get to see all your mistakes, and all of the remedies you could have done. I wish to God i would have had fun, kept myself in shape, wore young fun clothes like a bikini, painted my toenails and got a tattoo, backpacked exotic places, worked at a variety of jobs, worked on keeping friendships etc. Now its really too late for me even though my mind set is still 33….i love todays life, the clothes, music etc. Wow if i were 33 again it would be a whole nuther thing; i’d be experiencing life livin’ it up dancing and having a blast every day.
Now i know you have some medical issues and you might always have them unless you take means to change the scenerio. Try Arizona, Hawaii, Spuzzum or something. Get outta here! Vancouver will always be here and it will always be home but for now - you’ve just got to do it, go before you get more tired, before you settle for a second best partner, before you get encumbered with work or pets or arthritis or the Canucks or another rainy day or other excuses and end up feeling like an old maid. Have some experiences. You have to make it happen yourself!
Take control of making a better happier life for yourself and health, love and contentment will find you wherever you go.
June 12th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
I like what you said about faith. I think that sometimes faith has to be really difficult. We have to be challenged in it and make it our own, rather than what was always taught to us. When we’re going through the fires of life, it’s not always easy to keep that faith, but when I come out on the other side I always find that my faith has grown and changed, and in some small way I’m always thankful for the test that brought me there.
June 12th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
Strangling the writers? I hear that, lol.
I forgot that someone else needs to agree to the plan, too. - aaaaww. I’d make you an offer, Meg, but if you think 33 is old, then I don’t stand a chance, lol.
You’ve trained your eyebrows well - I kinda like it when a girl has two of them… :-)
Back from jerkdom? Hmmm. A phone call, an email, a visit to a blog page might help?
I’m agnostic myself but I’ve never believed that faith is an easy/simple thing for people.
Great post, and enjoyable read. Here’s hoping you have a good day, girl.
June 12th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
I wonder if faith is more of a fluid thing - ever changing, expanding or even falling in on itself as we go through the pains to obtain it.
June 12th, 2007 at 9:41 pm
Mari knows how to give a pep talk! It’s hard to find the courage in the ‘now’ to live without regrets or to take that leap that changes the everyday-ness (?) of our lives. It’s like that favorite blanket just out of the dryer. Sometimes its comforting and sometimes it smothers you.
Faith can be the same way for me - comforting, smothering, limiting and limitless. I wouldn’t be anything without it but sometimes I wonder if I am being true to it.
MAN!! I have to stop reading your pages! You’re my latest addiction…