megfowler.com

Wow.

Thanks, L.Mup.

Yes, it’s true. I literally have “random” as one of my post categories. But the most random part of it? I USUALLY FORGET TO USE IT.

Only now and then. RANDOMLY.

Speaking of random, the lovely, talented and FacebookFriended ™ Angella has seen fit to tag me with a meme (mememememe).

Apparently I am to post seven random facts about myself. And while I AM going to do it, I won’t tag anyone else.

The last time I played tag, I injured myself. When I think about it, I walk with a limp.

I don’t really know what to tell you, though.

Isn’t ALL the information in my blog random? Aren’t I actually the little photo in the dictionary under “random”?

(This is what I suggest should be the photo under “random”.)

Okay. Let’s see what we can come up with…

1. I rarely eat leftovers. I’ll save them and put them in the fridge, but I cannot for the life of me remember to eat them. And truth be told, I really don’t WANT to eat them.

I ate that yesterday! I’m ready for something new!

I’ll give them to someone else willingly, or diligently try make the right amount of something so no leftovers actually exist, but you know it doesn’t always work out like that. Sometimes you gotta get out the Tupperware and let that guac die a slow death on the second shelf.

Oops.

2. I have a cool little mark in my right eye. It’s brown (and NO, it’s not my pupil, smartasses.) You can kind of make it out here. I also have a lazy eye, but only when I’m really, really tired.

Then it just sits on the couch eating chips until I can coax it back into my socket.

3. I don’t like candies or coffees or desserts that are sweetened with artificial sweeteners, either! Diet Coke makes me want to rinse my mouth out with real Coke. Eccch. My only exception is sugarless gum and sugarless Fudgesicles. And no, I don’t know why I’m fine with those things, either. The taste of everything else unnaturally sweet makes me queasy.

And yes, that includes Splenda (everyone always asks if I’ve tried Splenda. IT DOES NOT TASTE JUST LIKE SUGAR.)

4. All my favourite perfume scents have “foody” overtones. Thierry Mugler Angel (cocoa, mandarin, vanilla… and as close as I have ever gotten to a signature scent), Fresh Lemon Sugar (obvious), Burberry Brit (sugared almonds, citrus), Fresh Sugar Blossom (citrusy), Fresh Lychee Sugar (uh… lychee), and Annick Goutal Eau de Hadrien (grapefruit?)

If I try and wear something super-floral or super-woodsy or super-watery, I just end up smelling like potpourri. And not the good kind, either (Ha! Got you! There is no good kind!)

5. My fingernails turn up instead of down. I have always resented this. I get it from my maternal grandfather, along with a predilection for faulty arguments and odd vitamin supplements. I also have oddly tiny hands, which makes me look like a giant seagull with tiny, tiny feet. Except that they are my hands. And I am not a seagull.

6. I would marry Bill Kurtis just to hear him say his vows to me.

“Meg, I will love and cherish you always… but that’s not the end of the story.”

7. I really, really hate white socks (other than for athletic wear.) They irk me. They stand out. They glow. THEY ARE NOT THE RIGHT CHOICE. I have successfully stolen white socks, hidden white socks, even burned white socks. I may have an unhealthy need to eliminate them from the face of the earth. But that’s okay. AS LONG AS THEY DON’T COME BACK.

And that’s all I’ve got.

1. Seriously, how are you? For real? Better than this? If I had a nickel for every dog I tripped over, I’d have 35 cents. I feel you, P-Dawg. Please tell us the most interesting thing you’ve ever tripped over.

2. I’m going to get these shoes. Well, they’re kind of like shoes, right? Not just cheater shoes for people who hate shoes? I don’t wear Birks anymore, but these are so Dr.Scholls and resorty at the same time. Do you like them? Be honest.

3. And… this is the camera I want to replace the one that died (and Mom, I was kind to that camera! It was just old and had been failing for half a year!) The design is so… me. Does anyone need odd jobs done for cash? Heh. And this review is pretty much spot on. I would still recommend you get it, though. What other phone lives through a spin cycle?

4. This song gets stuck in my head for days at a time. And I mean days.

5. I love it.

(the camera phone, while awesome, doesn’t do them justice.)

So yeah, I watched The Bachelor.

I get why the whole enterprise is an affront to feminism (and dignity in general.)

But I’m also an emotional girl who made chocolate-covered strawberries and squealed like a stuck pig when it went how she wanted it to go.

Boys.

Propose to a brunette. It’s a good thing.

1. Digital camera finally died a sad, pathetic — but not unsurprising — death.

2. I ate so much at brunch that I actually turned into a breakfast item.

3. In order to find said brunch, we had to go to three different places. What the heck? Does no one know this was a holiday weekend?

4. I tripped down the stairs to my laundry room. Like, all the way. Ow.

5. Still, doing my whites was pretty damn exciting.

6. It took me approximately 35 minutes to return a “foundational” garment at the Bay. I hate the Bay.

7. I have a huge urge to buy a giant whack of white towels and sheets. Perhaps preparing to be institutionalized?

8. I stopped listening to the same damn Maroon 5 song over and over and over.

9. I didn’t go to work.

SERIOUSLY.

TODAY.

1. I got out of bed and nearly hit the floor like a sack of potatoes because my foot was asleep. Then, because I woke my foot, it began to punish me immediately with a sensation that felt like Dick Cheney hunting birds around my ankles.

2. Only a few feet further, as I entered the hallway, my limp, dragging leg knocked into a box full of packed materials. In an effort to quiet the loud noise that resulted from said collision, I threw my body towards the wall facing away from the box. This resulted in a) another loud noise, albeit more of a thud than a clank; and b) a large bruise on my arm.

3. In the bathroom, where my helpful landlord has installed a TINY GREEN WATERING CAN to catch the drips from the leaky toilet, I groggily (look at how cute that word is! Groggily… makes me think of tiny, singing frogs) hopped into the shower and immediately attempted to wash my hair with conditioner. “Why won’t it lather?” I thought to myself, and applied more in hopes that the suds would come.

4. Only after about three minutes did it occur to me to open my eyes and discover that my hair was about to become more manageable than a whole roomful of Wal-Mart greeters.

5. My blowdryer billowed smoke. I smelled like a forest fire when I was done.

6. I got halfway down the street before I realized my flip flops were on the wrong feet.

7. On the bus, the driver braked so hard that I flung my iPod into the lap of a man I do not know. While the headphones were still in my ears.

8. Within the first two sips of coffee I had, my cup leaked. On my chest.

9. Ten minutes later, it leaked again. On the other half of my chest.

10. I was coffeetating.

11. A co-worker lent me a “stain pen” to try and save me from the slings and arrows of coffee blotches, but the pen actually caused the stains to expand into grayish greasy spots shaped like Texas and Ohio, respectively.

12. I sent an email to a blogger I really admire in which I spelled my own name, “Merf.”

13. I printed out a draft of something in which I’d typed the placemarker phrase, “HERE YOU SHOULD SAY SOMETHING INTELLIGENT” … without adding the content to replace it.

14. I sneezed with a mint in my mouth and it shot over the wall of my cubicle.

15. I don’t know where the mint landed.

16. I finally decided to take home all the travel mugs I’ve been harbouring at work, and packed them all into my valise to take home. Obviously, it was too full of cups to zip up, so I wore my bag open while I walked to meet Catherine at the mall. I walked into Starbucks and immediately caught the eye of every person in the store as I stood next to a travel mug display with my bag full of rattling merchandise. I thought they were going to tackle me.

17. I left Starbucks WITHOUT MY PASSION TEA LEMONADE. And believe me, I was in need of Passion. If only as an ingredient in my beverage.

18. On the way up the mall escalator, my sunglasses fell off my head, tumbled down the steps, got half-eaten by the automatic stair mechanism, and finally died beneath the feet of a very fat man in a moss-coloured suit.

19. In the Gap, where I went to get a cheap t-shirt to wear while I helped Catherine shop, a woman in running shorts budged ahead of me in line with the excuse that her heart rate was slowing. I would have given her a wedgie but SHE ALREADY HAD ONE.

20. Catherine and I found nothing for her to wear for the wedding she is going to this weekend. However, Catherine coined an excellent phrase to describe half of what we saw: “That is just a BIG PIECE OF UGLY.”

21. I inhaled a loose feather from a tacky hat I tried on.

22. I put my laundry in with a roll of SweetTarts in my skirt pocket. Oddly, they did not dissolve in a hot washload, leading me to fear that there are thousands of SweetTarts lodged in my belly, trying to reform into hard little discs that will then terrorize my colon.

23. I ran in to catch the beginning of the season finale of ER, and slid under the coffee table by accident.

24. ER was totally implausible. And really lacking in Shane West. Who used to suck because he was in Mandy Moore vehicles but now seems kinda… cute.

25. I tweezed my eyelash accidentally.

26. I burned my crotch with Sleepytime Tea.

I don’t understand how I lived through it. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

But I promise to tell you all about it.

It’s still sunny, kids.

Do you know how happy this makes me?

Granted, I’m in an office all day, AND it’s supposed to rain intermittently this weekend, but it’s nice to know that IF I were outside, it would be shiny and warm and beautiful and I would turn a shade of brown more pleasing than my current shade of… off-white?

I think if I could choose my ideal weather, I’d live in a place where it only rained two days a month (both weekdays), then stayed bright and sunshiny the rest of the time. And as soon as midnight hit every night, it would drop to 4 or 5 C so I could actually sleep. I’m just not a huge fan of warm weather at night. And I love winter, when it comes. If it’s snowy. And really cold. And not RAINY.

I know. Picky, picky.

I’m not about to actually GET this weather, since I like the environment that our weather creates too much to leave it all behind, but it might be nice to go a whole two weeks without showing up at work soaked to the knee.

What’s your ideal weather?

1. FHM magazine

2. Survivor

3. Stray hairs that end up in lip gloss on windy days

4. Flying ants

5. Oily Costco muffins

6. Crows

7. Platform flip flops (Why are you carrying a giant brick of rubber under your foot? Those things should be called “clomp clomps”!)

8. Avril Lavigne

9. Leggings

10. Bubble tea

Why am I SO TIRED?

I honestly have no idea why today, of all days, I would be zonked.

I didn’t go to bed THAT late (before midnight!) and I only spent 15 minutes on the phone (at 1 am) trying to keep Eric awake to catch his flight home from Orlando at 6-something EST.

That’s NOTHING for me. I’m TOUGH. I’m FIERCE.

I’m TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO FALL ASLEEP.

Oh, the fog.

Every time I try and maintain a rational thought, it turns into lkdj;lskj;lakjsf.

The caffeine isn’t even helping.

I really hate being tired… even more so than I hate being sick. When you’re sick, you just take something, and then you get better. Or you go to a doctor (yeah, right.)

But when you’re tired, there are only two options: you can either overdose on coffee or go back to bed. And when the coffee doesn’t work and there is no bed in sight?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Not even a brisk walk around the block helped. Or 8 am M&Ms.

I just keep thinking about really good sheets and really comfy beds and really soft duvets and rooms I wish I was sleeping in.

Help me. Please.

You know you want it.

p.s. why do I laugh like someone rubbing a balloon?