megfowler.com

After a rough night with little sleep, I’m feeling a little combative.

It’s not like I’m unfamiliar with fatigue or that feeling slightly worn down isn’t just LIFE, but sometimes circumstances conspire to put me in a state that can only be described as GRRR.

Or Garrrrr! Or DAHHHHHH! Or assorted other noises I make in lieu of rampant swearing (my mother raised me to be inarticulate, rather than profane.)

(Well, she tried.)

When I feel combative like this, I want to argue completely inarguable points and go “AHA! BUT I BET YOU DIDN’T CONSIDER (INSERT INVALID NOTION HERE)!” and push buttons and tut dismissively when someone points out that I am full of beans or off my rocker or bananacake (with chocolate chips) or the like.

It is a hands-on-the-hips mood.

A raised-eyebrow mood.

An OH, REALLY mood.

And best of all? A mood that I recognize as completely irrational, thus setting the stage for apologies shortly thereafter. I have NO problem apologizing. In fact, I apologize too much! For things that don’t require apologies!

Except this mood. Because, well… sorry.

Someone once asked me what my special feature would be if they made a Meg action figure.

Kung-fu action grip? Nah.

Special web shooters? Cool, but no.

Utility belt? NEAT! But I don’t think so.

360 degree rotating head with laser eyes?

Nope (well, maybe. Sometimes.)

I would have a hand-talking action figure.

You’d just press a button and it would make a cyclical gesture with wee plastic limbs and say, “You know?” endlessly.

Awesome.

So, to conclude, a list of things I tend to rant about more when I am in GRRR mode:

1. People who court media attention by being bitchy (she said, after writing a crabby blog post… but you and I both know this won’t get picked up by People magazine)

2. Dreamweaver/Windows/Microsoft Office/Internet Explorer/Websites entirely based on Flash/”Web 2.0″ companies with crapass customer service and communication skills

3. Drivers who nearly mow down pedestrians because OMG I’M IN SUCH A HURRY TO GET MY LATTE

4. People who only like obscure music that no one else has ever heard of, and scoff with disdain at anything that might accidentally receive radio play or have something resembling a hook or a vocalist who doesn’t sing in their sinuses only, ever

5. Not talking to other people about how annoying certain other people are because, well, I feel protective. BUT I RESENT FEELING PROTECTIVE AND I HAVE SOME COMPLAINTS

6. Guilt. Of any kind

7. The phone in general

8. How I can never choose what I want to eat and often consume the wrong thing because I think I’ve hit on my true urge and lo… nope

9. Internet radio buffering

10. That I do not have a drive-time radio show. Because then no one would ever have to see my hands waving around while I tried to find words

And that’s all I got.