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Why don’t I listen to Jamiroquai anymore?

Why don’t I eat lemons anymore?

Why don’t I wear skirts anymore?

Why don’t I buy lipstick anymore?

I often think I’d be more normal and orderly if I had a pet or a child, but instead I have a laptop, and he seems to need me just about as often.

I love macadamia nuts, cashews and pistachios, but I hardly ever eat them. I think of them as the “expensive nuts.”

Why do people insist on trying to turn into crosswalks when there are clearly people there? I don’t mean getting into position. I mean, I have to WALK AROUND YOU to cross the street. GET OUT OF MY WAY.

I think that I want a fancy washer and drier more than I want a fancy anything else.

I am wearing a ring that keeps getting in the way of my typing speed, but I keep it on nonetheless.

I had a dream last night that I owned a large house. Each floor of my large house had a “water room” of a different kind: one floor had a waterfall; one floor had a lap pool; one floor had a hot tub; one floor had a fountain. When I would try and sleep, the noise of all my different water rooms kept me awake. But in order to relax again, I would go spend time in one of the rooms. The irony of this does not escape me.

I now own four plants at work that I have not killed.

How does one begin to build a shoe collection? I feel it must be time, but I have no idea where to begin. I have excellent taste in shoes, I just can’t commit.