ow.
I was going to write a long, delicious blog entry for you, full of near-death stories and inspiring details and pictures of sunsets and babies and kittens. Also? Hockey.
Sadly, however, I have a migraine, so I must reserve all my mental energy for not… exploding… at… the… neck. And work. Which I have a ton of.
It’s a REALLY good migraine, too… I think my allergies are helping it build steam, and that’s always a recipe for fun.
So, I will require you to write my blog for me today.
In the comments below (And you all have to do it! I see you there not commenting! I’m looking right at you! Or squinting, more specifically. Do you find it oddly bright in here? Is that a gnome on your shoulder?) please tell me the following:
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1. One natural phenomenon or news issue or computer quirk that you totally don’t understand and wish you did. Bonus points if it involves precipitation, Joe Francis, or Microsoft Windows. Just kidding. It can be anything.
2. If you know the answer to someone else’s “thing they don’t understand”, tell us!
3. One thing you’ve always, always, always wished I would write about because you want to know what I think.
4. Your favourite animal.
5. Your favourite kitchen utensil.
6. What kind of pants you’re wearing.
7. How are you? And I mean, really… how ARE you?
I, for one, need a head transplant.
April 27th, 2007 at 9:33 am
1. I wish I understood why traffic slows to a crawl for no damn reason at all.
2. I’ll have to check back and then, if I can, I will!
3. How did you become a hockey fan? Have you been one all your life? (I only recently converted to the joys of hockey, so I’m curious.)
4. Two: Elephants and Tigers.
5. Even though I rarely use it, it’s my Apple-Peeler-Corer-Slicer, which has just the right amount of Rube Goldberg-ery to be totally cool and fun.
6. Blue jeans. It’s Casual Friday!
7. I have a bad allergy/sinus thing going on, which makes my head feel like it’s going to burst open and makes me kind of dizzy. PHYSICALLY dizzy, that is.
April 27th, 2007 at 9:41 am
1. i don’t understand the phenomenon that is lindsey lohan, but i can’t say that i really wish i did. i believe she may have been “romantically linked” to joe francis for all of two minutes…but i could be wrong. (bonus point?)
3. i want to know your opinion on thugs in sports…maybe this isn’t an issue in hockey, but i am tired of jacka$$es in the NFL and NBA who get paid millions of dollars to play a game, who can’t keep their tempers (and at times, their guns)controlled.
4. oooh, i love tigers, and dogs, and meerkats, and giraffes.
5. who doesn’t love a good wisk? actually i love the OXO chopper thingy where you place an onion (or whatever)under the plastic cup, then plungeplungeplunge the plunger to dice.
6. it’s friday…i am wearing comfy, stretchy black gaucho pants (so not in style, but the closest thing to wearing pajamas that i can get away with in public)
7. i feel great, actually. thank you for reminding me to appreciate that fact.
April 27th, 2007 at 9:50 am
Ew, yes, he was linked to LiLo, which is ick beyond ick. What is with starlets thinking these creepy ass-grabbing cash-flashers are attractive? The man looks as though he were made from self-hardening spray-tanner.
Bonus points for you!
And the traffic thing is so random to me, too. The best hypothesis I have for that is that people are rarely giving anything their full attention, so rather than maintaining a decent pace and adjusting their speed to other drivers, they’re staring into space and brake-reacting when they see other cars coming close to them.
And I love that all the things you want me to write about so far are sports-related!
April 27th, 2007 at 10:03 am
1. Two things, both Microsoft.
- In Windows 2000 there is a thing called “Active Directory Directory Services”. Is the person who named that shot yet?
- Also in Windows 2000, when you boot (start up your computer) it says, “Built with NT Technology”. “NT” Stands for New Technology, so it should read “New Technology Technology”. Has THAT person been shot yet?
2. Sorry, I have no answers.
3. I’d like to know your opinion of why onions make you cry. Is it just the exposure of deeper, unknown layers to an object of desire, or perhaps sympathy for the slaughter of an innocent vegetable?
4. There are some who call him Tim, the Enchanter. He is my cat.
5. The wooden spoon, aka teflon saver. I hate people who use metal implements and scratch my teflon!
6. Khakis. I always dress up for casual Fridays. I wear jeans and a T-Shirt the rest of the week. Makes sense huh?
7. Semi-frustrated and a little tired (though not as bad as yesterday), could use a reading vacation, but I’d miss my family.
April 27th, 2007 at 10:12 am
1. i want to know why it always rains the day after i pay bunches of money to have my car detailed. and why the police and the IRS waited so damn ling to arrest joe francis. i mean, seriously, did they think he was really reporting his true income that he made from exploiting all those unfortunately drunk young women? and way does microsoft release products that they KNOW don’t work only to have to go back and give us a patch a week later? (why can’t i have a mac?)
2. i wish i understood lilo. she scares me just a little. she looks so “man-ish” to me.
3. i want to know what you think of people’s blog names. do you wonder how they came up with them?
4. big cats. and pandas. :)
5. does my stand mixer count as a utensil?
6. beige and white cropped pants.
7. you don’t even want to know. i get so tired of whining about being sick. i am tired of listening to myself. :(
April 27th, 2007 at 10:39 am
!. Why, in movies, whenever anything more technical than a calculator is used as part of the plot line is it: a. described/represent inaccurately, b. used in an unlikely way, or c.
2. In answer to: “I wish I understood why traffic slows to a crawl for no damn reason at all.” It’s to do with lane changes and merges. When people change lanes and merge, the car behind them usually has to brakes a little. The car behind them sees the brake light and brakes a little in response, when mostly they don’t have to. And the third car back doesn’t have to brake at all, but does when it sees the light. This process causes a chain reaction, slowing the whole highway. This effect is obviously dependent on a fairly high traffic density to start with. And it’s the logic behind reduced speeds on major roads. Since because of this effect, traffic made to go at 60 averages a higher speed than traffic allowed to go at 80.
3. You could write about coffee more. I can always read about coffee. It’d be interesting to get into your feelings about the magical bean.
4. I love dogs. I’m a dog guy.
5. I have a Henkel chef’s knife I’m very very fond of.
6. The bottom half of my charcoal gray suit.
7. I’m very, very tired. I’ve been working what feels like 14 hours a day for the last 12 days and I’ve had it. Beyond this experience of fatigue, I have some dim sense of being fairly happy, and yet lonely.
April 27th, 2007 at 10:54 am
You always work too hard.
AND… I always write about coffee. In fact, there is a latte coming to me in only moments that I could rhapsodize about for HOURS. Oh, sweet latte.
I think I said the same thing about traffic, you just said it with more words. Such a boy.
The answer to your question about movie technology is this: viewers tend not to notice if they’re doing anything right with a given device. Truth.
April 27th, 2007 at 11:51 am
1. You know how if you open an attachment in an email and then save the document without doing “save as” and putting it someplace logical it puts it in a temp file? I’d like to know why there is no way to access that file and erase those files and they aren’t erased when you do the usual clean out of temp files. My home desktop has hundreds of documents in that temp file, needlessly taking up space.
2. I have no answers.
3. I’ve enjoyed the times you’ve written about your old summer camp job — tell us some more stories!
4. My first answer is dogs. I’m not completely happy unless I have a dog sharing my home.
5. A very sharp paring knife.
6. I’m content, which is under-rated, I think. But I have a milder form of your sinus pain. Mine was worse before I started up on my allergy meds.
April 27th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
1. The blue screen of death. You know it. Why is it there?
2. I got nothing so far.
3. Music
4. Elephants
5. Spork.
6. non-descript jeans. I think I got them at Wal-Mart
7. I’m tired and fed up and not wanting to go to th gyn after work OR to the symphony tonight,because all I really want to do is curl up with a good book and a cup (or 7) of tea and read till the wee hours of the morning.
April 27th, 2007 at 1:00 pm
1. Boys. In general, but today my specific wondering revolves around their tendency to keep us on a need-to-know basis.
2. I think traffic is caused by slow-moving drug reps who do it on purpose to raise our collective blood pressure so we’ll all buy more pills.
3. I’d like to hear more of your thoughts on religion. But of course I also understand the desire to steer clear of such topics.
4. This would be my roommate’s puppy who I am preparing to miss desperately once we move to separate states at the end of next month.
5. I like my apple corer/slicer a lot. Really speeds up the prep time on an apple slices with peanutbutter dinner.
6. Boy cut jeans from the Gap Outlet which need to be washed, based on their slouchiness.
7. So very, very tired. It’s been a long week and I was awakened this morning at 4:00 by a migraine of my own. Fortunately, it was gone by about 6:00, but there’s no getting those two hours of sleep back. Very happy though that it’s Friday.
April 27th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
1. You know when you use a debit/credit card to buy gas at the pump. and they say “remove card quickly”? What would happen if you removed it slowly? Or left it in there for a couple of minutes? I’m too scared to try but I’d like to know.
3. I want to know what you think about Leslie Caron.
4. Dogs, hands down. But I admire worms.
5. My electric knife. Use it for everything.
6. Sweat pants.
7. Restless.
April 27th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
1. Garden hoses. What is up with those?
2. Traffic jams are caused by people who won their drivers licenses
3. Your stand on Suri Cruises hair
4. Nelson, my Old English Sheepdog
5. The pizza cutter
6. Shorts, as I do every single day!
7. Contempt
April 27th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
1. Elvis
2. Brains of most drivers work at a slower speed than the accelerator on their vehicle
3. Which parent is your favorite
4. Annabelle the Cat
5. Oven mitts
6. Tan wool dress pants
7. Tired - had to get up at 6 and spend 1 1/2 hours in traffic to get to my meeting and I have to go back to the same hotel tonight
April 27th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
1. Paris Hilton
2. Mary! Freeway traffic slows down because the guy in front is going too slow. (I learned this from my grandmother when I was a child)
3. What do YOU think of Paris Hilton?
4. Puppies! (Well, and elephants too)
5. My Cuisinart
6. Black. ALL my pants are black. Black sweat pants. This is the curse of being a large woman.
7. I am…content. No highs, no lows. All things considered it’s not such a way to be.
April 27th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
1. Why does the baby wake up if Norman and I even THINK of doing it.
2. I know nothing.
3. The full story behind a certain someone who has absolutely no tact.
4. The friendly cow all brown and white.
5. The coffee maker.
6. PJ’s (blue with yellow ducks)
7. TIRED, but good. The baby is crying again (see #1!!!) so I have to run.
April 27th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
Nancy, the baby doesn’t want siblings. They all have a sixth sense - a doing-it detector, if you will.
And everyone, thanks for the theories on traffic. I’ve had a particularly bad commuting week, so it’s good to know there’s some kind of reason for it.
April 27th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
1. The passing-lane driver who insists on going the speed limit and won’t get over.
2. Traffic. It must be what we in the West call the “rolling roadblock.” Three (or the equivalent number of lanes) drivers who are neck and neck, just going the speed limit. Maybe they’re thinking: leave me alone, you’ll thank me that you’re not getting a ticket today. Or, I’m going the speed limit, I have every right to be in this lane. Frustration.
3. ditto on the camp stories, but also how do you think you came into your upbeat philosophy on life? Your parents, or were you born with it?
4. Dogs - our Alaskan Husky was the best
5. Meat Scissors, they cut everything
6. Khakis earlier, now it’s lightweight sweats.
7. So much better, now that I’m home. I wish my son was too.
April 28th, 2007 at 1:59 am
1. Well i have lots concerning all categories but for now i’ll just ask why do black people say “ax” when they mean to use the word “ask”?
2. Traffic slowdowns - thats an easy one to understand but how can we change these people? They dont butt up close enough to the car ahead of them. Now i’m not talking freeway or promoting tailgating but you know the scenerio on the regular roads where theres a special lane to get into for left hand turns? Well, theres 3 cars waiting at the light, they each have enough space in between them for a semi to fit into which means you have no way to get into the left turn lane until their light turns green and they move on. It really annoys me because the left turn light is gonna be green before theirs and more often than not theres nobody in the left lane, or maybe one car with space behind it for several to be on their way. But noooooo…..
People. Please butt up to the car ahead of you when you’re waiting at the light - the guy behind you needs a little space to get into the left lane. Then we’ll all get home sooner!
3. Gossipy local stuff. Harmless but yummy. Things like what do you think about Pamela Martin…is she a snob or nice or what? Jill Croft….Cropp? does she have a strange thing about hair extensions or something? Don’t you think she’d look pretty with her hair up in a bun or something? Do you think Tony and the others pick on Squire Barnes? Squire sure knows his hockey eh!?! Have you met any of the Canucks? Do you know any little interesting trivia on them? Do you like Coke or Pepsi? Who is your ideal dream man?
I’m a fairly recent reader and i don’t know what your job is. I mean i know you’re a writer but what do you write (besides your blog?)
4.Cats, especially would love to cuddle with a big cat, like a lion (a tame one of course) Do you know how to pick the one out of a litter (domestic)thats going to be big? I always pick the one that never gets very big (love ‘em anyway but really really want to get a big one next time)
5. i dont care much about a good wisk. i mean i’ve never had a wisk. What good is a wisk? I love my Henkels chopping knife now that i’ve learned to keep my fingers away from it. I chop a lot. i never wisked.
what do people wisk and why?
6.My pants. OMG why would you go and ask that tonight of all nights? well, ok,i’ll be honest. They’re horrid polyester, black, stretchy waistband, tight in the ankles, pockets and knees all have holes. Big frayed holes, old as the devil, dirty and ugly as sin.
7.Tired. The bod is always tired but the brain is alert and wont shut up. I have an auto-immune disease. i’ll never get used to it and its getting worse.
April 28th, 2007 at 2:13 am
I forgot to respond to iSores not understanding Elvis. Sorry iSore but it obviously was your fate to be born too late and i’m so sorry you’ll never get it, never know, never understand. He was the savior of a lot of earthlings who were born at the exact right time. I will worship him forever.
April 28th, 2007 at 8:43 am
iSore is 60. He just can’t stand Elvis.;)
April 28th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
Can I get an Amen?
April 28th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
Sorry about the migraine, Meg. Get well soon.
1. One natural phenomenon or news issue or computer quirk that you totally don’t understand and wish you did. Bonus points if it involves precipitation, Joe Francis, or Microsoft Windows. Just kidding. It can be anything.
WHY OH WHY in MS Word, when you delete one space, does the whole freaking paragraph suddenly change to a font, size and color that you have never, ever used in that document? I spend like half an hour a day fixing this sh*t.
2. If you know the answer to someone else’s “thing they don’t understand”, tell us!
You mean Lilo ISN’T a boy??
3. One thing you’ve always, always, always wished I would write about because you want to know what I think.
Hm….
4. Your favourite animal.
My dog Goldie. If you are talking about a species, octopi. They are smarter than dogs, you know? And so graceful and such pretty colors. Watch out though, because giant squid will eat you.
5. Your favourite kitchen utensil.
So many. But I am exceedingly fond of my spring-loaded tongs.
6. What kind of pants you’re wearing.
$4 jeans from the Really Good Thrift Store. (They were originally from Nordstrom. Score!)
7. How are you? And I mean, really… how ARE you?
Dazed and confused. Not handling this middle age thing particularly well. A little lonely but scared as hell to date.
April 28th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Hi! *waves madly* Since you’ve threatened me and apparently have a temper and I am a meek and fragile person, here they are:
1. Why can’t I figure out a way to make Emule download faster? I assume it has to do with router routinely crashing so - why must the bloody router crash my connection alone, and leave Loverboy’s intact?
2. To the person asking abt the temp files - it used to haunt me, it did. And then I found TuneUp and truly, if you use a computer you simply MUST HAVE IT, it’s a thing of beauty. It optimises your internet connection, offers suggestions on how to improve your general computerness AND deletes rubbish you didn’t even know you had. I am often astounded by how many MB it manages to recover.
Sueb0b, you need to open Format - Styles and Formatting - Normal - Modify. Then you need to uncheck the Automatically Update box. This is the theory. I, for on, cannot seem to make my computer understand that I want my Normal style to be Arial, 10, and not that ghastly Times New Roman, 12. Click ad infinitum, curse, sob, curse some more.
3. I have literally just found you so - I want to know how you are. How are you? And I mean, really… how ARE you?
4. My 2 possessed cats and my neurotic dog. Then, seahorses - have you seen them? They are proof of alien life, that sort of beauty must come from another world. And elephants have a special vocalisation for mourning, that leaves me speechless. And have you made eye contact with a gorilla? Heartbreaking. And all baby animals, am a firm believer in etoepimeeletic stimuli. Am also in vet school, hence the rambling.
5. Loverboy
6. You do not need to know this. You are a sane woman, you will not want to know. But they are Loverboy’s, and baggy and make me look both as though I have no arse and whatever arse I do have is the size of a small African nation and generally horrid and I love them.
7. Am studying for exams, therefore pissy. You don’t know me but believe me, if you did you’d know how hysterical your question is, and how tragically redundant. I am in vet school. I have no life. This is my frontal bone. Aim carelessly.
April 29th, 2007 at 8:47 am
1. I reckon it’s a sort of natural phenomenon but why is it that people get most worked up over things that are totally in their own control or at the very least, the control of another human being? And why, if it is another person doing the controlling, do they have to act like a 5-year-old playing keep-away? And how do these people manage to get control of financial institutions, airlines and oil companies?
2. In answer to Bev - I think it has something to do with the travel industry — the answer to which is undoubtedly “trolls”.
3. What you read.
4. Hockey players…. um… well, maybe cats.
5. Nice, medium-sized, well-worn wooden spoon.
6. Twill stripe baggy 3/4 length
7. My head hurts and my sinuses are stuffed - time for some serious decongesting.
April 29th, 2007 at 11:34 am
1. Why does Windows work much better on my Mac, in a window where it belongs?
2. Q: You know when you use a debit/credit card to buy gas at the pump. and they say “remove card quickly”? What would happen if you removed it slowly?
A: You would forget to remove it at all and drive away, your “fill up tank” action happily completed and your “pay using card” action all forgotten. This is known as a completion error. You can also see this phenomenon at cash machines - that’s why they make you take your card before they’ll let you have your money. ‘They’ being ‘the man’.
3. England. I live here. I’d like to know what you think of the place.
4. Siamese cat.
5. Those special knives with the runnels up the side that let you chop slices of cheese really easily. I had one but someone broke it opening a tin. The idiot.
6. Jeans that I bought from eBay for £5. Bargain!
7. Tired, a bit dizzy. But generally OK. Thank you for asking.