I was going to write a long, delicious blog entry for you, full of near-death stories and inspiring details and pictures of sunsets and babies and kittens. Also? Hockey.

Sadly, however, I have a migraine, so I must reserve all my mental energy for not… exploding… at… the… neck. And work. Which I have a ton of.

It’s a REALLY good migraine, too… I think my allergies are helping it build steam, and that’s always a recipe for fun.

So, I will require you to write my blog for me today.

In the comments below (And you all have to do it! I see you there not commenting! I’m looking right at you! Or squinting, more specifically. Do you find it oddly bright in here? Is that a gnome on your shoulder?) please tell me the following:

1. One natural phenomenon or news issue or computer quirk that you totally don’t understand and wish you did. Bonus points if it involves precipitation, Joe Francis, or Microsoft Windows. Just kidding. It can be anything.

2. If you know the answer to someone else’s “thing they don’t understand”, tell us!

3. One thing you’ve always, always, always wished I would write about because you want to know what I think.

4. Your favourite animal.

5. Your favourite kitchen utensil.

6. What kind of pants you’re wearing.

7. How are you? And I mean, really… how ARE you?

I, for one, need a head transplant.