1. Sit in a large group with all of your friends in front of me NOT watching the hockey game, and then STAND UP every ten seconds totally blocking my view of the action. Then, when the Canucks mess up, cheer. Because you think that’s all witty and “against the grain.” I’ll show you against the grain, boy.

2. Laugh at the old lady when she nearly takes a header on the bus. OH MY GOSH. EVIL.

3. Stand in line ahead of me at the coffee shop making highly original jokes like, “Gee, I wish the sizes came in English! What’s a GRANDEE? Hahaha… ” while thirty people with profound addiction issues lurk behind you, plotting your death.

4. Flick at my earring in the elevator because it makes a “neato noise.”

5. Send me an email asking me if I can remember the name of a song that was playing in a restaurant we were in two years ago when you had really good salmon. Because most people would just go, “You’re nuts. I have no idea.” BUT NOW I AM OBSESSING.