How ARE you?

What are you DOING?

What’s going ON?

I had a friend that would ask these three questions in a frenzied tone every single time he saw me. And he didn’t really want answers. He just used the rapid fire interrogation as a long form of “Hi!”

But me? I WANT TO KNOW.

So…

1. What is your current mood?
2. What are you doing tonight? What do you WISH you were doing?
3. Are you wearing socks? If so, WHY?
4. Tell us three objects in your immediate vicinity.
5. If you could be ANYWHERE doing ANYTHING right this second, what would the plan be (Plan B!)?
6. What is the dominant thought in your head right now?

1. Pedicure! There should be some sort of sugar daddy out there who just enjoys financing foot care. Wait, no. I don’t really want to think about who that man would be. Eeek.

2. Smile back when people smile at you.

3. Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee.

4. Know the value of public spontaneity. Dancing. Laughing. Cheering. Helping people. Chatting. Just be at ease in your world.

5. Don’t tell me my hockey team is going to lose. I’m not laughing. Dork.

1. Sit in a large group with all of your friends in front of me NOT watching the hockey game, and then STAND UP every ten seconds totally blocking my view of the action. Then, when the Canucks mess up, cheer. Because you think that’s all witty and “against the grain.” I’ll show you against the grain, boy.

2. Laugh at the old lady when she nearly takes a header on the bus. OH MY GOSH. EVIL.

3. Stand in line ahead of me at the coffee shop making highly original jokes like, “Gee, I wish the sizes came in English! What’s a GRANDEE? Hahaha… ” while thirty people with profound addiction issues lurk behind you, plotting your death.

4. Flick at my earring in the elevator because it makes a “neato noise.”

5. Send me an email asking me if I can remember the name of a song that was playing in a restaurant we were in two years ago when you had really good salmon. Because most people would just go, “You’re nuts. I have no idea.” BUT NOW I AM OBSESSING.