megfowler.com

Because the Internet was made for innovators.

You’re joining the game mid-stream. Among the words on the board?

Gummy
Zit
Gild
Jotted

I have the Q. This is crap, because there are no open U spots and I don’t possess any U tiles.

I play “zing”. This is an awesome word. I feel good.

However, what you might not know is that (despite my early childhood nerdiness about words) Catherine kicks my ass royally every time.

We don’t even need to be actually playing the game to do it. She just sets out the box and my blood sugar drops, tears come to my eyes, and I experience an unfortunate sweating issue.

Catherine’s top five Scrabble tips:

1. Play stupid people.
2. Play them again.
3. Say, “No, I’m sure you beat other people.” and giggle.
4. Play them again.
5. The Scrabble Dictionary: Never leave home without it.

Eric’s top one Scrabble tip:

1. Don’t play Catherine.

Meg’s top one Scrabble tip:

1. Play Eric.

Now for my next word…

“Toy”

I suck. At least I had a double letter box. On the Y!

My next one?

“Zinger”

Catherine is dominating much more than she needs to at this point. She’s like Tiger Woods. She doesn’t even feel the need to pretend we’re on her level. Nike just knocked at the door and offered her an endorsement deal.

Soon?

Air Catherine.

My latest word is “lint.” This is also 80% of the contents of my brain, the other 20% being some combination of coffee beans and neurons.

Who am I kidding?

There are no neurons.

My next word was “Wean”. Which is what someone should do with me and Scrabble.

Catherine dumped out her letter holder on the board and they spontaneously spelled shit themselves. She’s like all voodoo and things and stuff.

I tried the same thing with mine, and all they could come up with is “bale.”

And not Christian, mind you. Just the hay.

Catherine is now rearranging her letters without using her hands. It’s so Uri Geller.

We’re getting down to the last tiles. I believe Catherine has nine of them stashed in her back pocket, but we’re pretending we didn’t notice.

I have the F and the Q.

FQ!

Do you get it? I hope my mom didn’t.

We’re SO going to have to play again. I can’t lose this badly and still respect myself in the morning.

I just added an S to “pings”.

Catherine is soon going to place something like “pythagorean” or “metaphysics”.

She only has two tiles, but as Walt Disney says, anything is possible if you believe.

Actually, Eric ended up going out first. But that’s only because I began to cry and they took mercy.

I came in third.

NEW GAME!

I break in the board with the word “goon”. Auspicious, no?

Eric spells “yolk”.

(insert several other unsuccessful turns in here. it’s too painful to note.)

Catherine is making her letters dance across the room. It’s amazing. One of them is now singing an aria. This girl is in CONTROL.

(time passes)

She took longer than 30 seconds to come up with a word, but it was worth it: 178 points off of the word “bud”. And if you don’t think that’s possible, check out the boot marks on Eric’s ass.

Eric, however, spells “ambiguity” and manages to only get two points.

Do you see where the issue is?

(time passes)

I just spelled “hope”. Yet I lack that one thing more than any other at this point. Four tiles.

R A U N

N A R U

U A R N

A R U N

Awesome. I rock. Catherine’s tiles just performed The Magic Flute.

Eric’s tiles are performing cover tunes from 80’s hair bands.

My tiles?

Nada.

OOOH. I spelled “Qua”. If only that were enough to make anything happen.

Eric ended up dropping out of the game after Catherine blew past him by 100 points.

Catherine has gone to bed. My eyes are puffy from crying. Eric swallowed a tile and died.

THE END.