
Before I begin, let me say that I appreciate you.
You always sit so faithfully up there on top of my shoulders, keeping my brain in place, holding up my sunglasses, growing hair…. all the important things.
I know I haven’t made your journey easy, what with the broken noses and concussions and odd dental ailments and bad haircuts I’ve sustained.
I’ve run you into more cupboard corners and car doors and tree branches and windsurf booms and snowballs than any reasonable appendage should have been forced to endure.
Not to mention that my current run of health has left you migraine-addled and slightly bewildered, like the victim of a particularly bad Zipper ride.
Yet you still stick by me like a champ, come what may.
But I’d like to have a short chat with you about Sinuses.
I know that they’ve always been the black sheep of the Head Family, getting puffy, developing allergies on a whim, begging for pricey drugs. They drip when they’re supposed to be dry, they make odd clicking noises when the weather changes, and we won’t even get into the one time a doctor had to stick a camera up there to see why the hell they were trying to take over the universe.
I know they do their own thing.
I know they’re troubled.
But it’s March, Head, and Sinuses seem to be mistaking it for May. Allergies? Already? I don’t even see any pollen floating about, yet they’re already whining and whimpering and post-nasaling and swelling up to make me look like Ernest Borgnine.
Can’t you have a chat with them?
Can you show them how peaceful Ears are being? How Eyes are wearing pretty mascara and would prefer not to water? How cheerful and rosy Cheeks are?
No?
Fine. Allergies. Okay. I can just start with the Reactine THREE MONTHS EARLY. That’s cool. I LOVE SPENDING MONEY ON TINY WHITE OBJECTS THAT WORK 50% OF THE TIME.
I draw the line at an infection, though. At first I thought it was just the early coming of Spring, but the weird face pain? The fever? The sore throat?
Dammit, Head. It’s NOT OKAY.
You don’t see Chin getting sick, do you? You don’t see Lips chapping up like cowboys, hmmm? You don’t see Eyebrows getting fallen arches!
Why do Sinuses need to be so… so… bitchy?
Why can’t you get control of your people?
I know you’ve worked long and hard to stay intact all these years, but if you can’t start wrangling your staff, I’ll be forced to punish you somehow.
And nobody wants to see me with dreadlocks.
You’ve been warned.
Love,
Meg
UPDATE: I went to the doctor (!) because the pain was just getting to be a bit much, and lo and behold? Confirmed sinus infection. Antibiotics, decongestants, etc.
He said he’d give me something for the pain, but the walk-in clinic doesn’t prescribe anything that could be considered sedative or narcotic because of their location. No problem. I’ll just ask the guy on the corner of Hastings and Main what he’s got.
Just kidding, Mom.