longing.
It was a gorgeous day in Vancouver today.
I actually sat out on my deck in a tank top, my jeans rolled to the knee, drinking a smoothie and blinking at the sky.
Lovely.
But I missed California like you would not believe. It seems like I do that every time the rain stops here. Or starts.
I miss all those miles logged with my arm out the window, SoCal sunshine tanning half my face, drinking an iced latte from the first Starbucks off the 1-5 exit, and feeling goosebumps rise on my knees from the air conditioning.
I felt free and far away and alive and all sorts of other things that you can only feel on vacation.
And it was only September, but it feels like a thousand years ago. And it was just two weeks away and a road trip, but it changed me.
I think it was the first moment in such a long time that allowed me to see that things could be different. That I didn’t have to accept exactly what I had. That there were other things out there.
That there could be a time in my life where the sun shone and shone and shone and the clouds never closed in.
I want that again.
And I don’t think I need to go to California to get it.
I need to take all this longing I have in my heart, all these hopes and dreams and desires as yet unrealized, and figure out a way to make them happen.
It sounds so cheesy and Chicken Soup for the Soul, but I’m just not fond of the feeling of wanting anymore.
I’m much more into having.
And however far down the road all that might be, I’m willing to go the distance.
I’m going where the sun keeps shining
Thru’ the pouring rain,
Going where the weather suits my clothes,
Backing off of the North East wind,
Sailing on summer breeze
And skipping over the ocean like a stone.
February 10th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
It was a balmy 38 degrees F here. Maybe some snow on Tuesday. Upstate New York has gotten 100 inches of snow in the last week. Vancouver sounds real good right about now.
February 11th, 2007 at 12:12 am
My parents were vacationaholics. Each summer holiday was set up months in advance & then indulged to that last moment when you emerge from the ‘plane & stare across the tarmac of your home airport. But Mum always used to say with uncharacteristic phlegmatism: “Holidays are holidays; real life is real life. Never draw the one into the other”. Which strikes me all these years later as sound advice.
February 11th, 2007 at 2:30 am
Ironically, I live in SoCal and I sometimes dream of my visit to Vancouver and my trip to Salt Spring Island.
February 11th, 2007 at 2:39 am
At university I drove across Canada to Maine. I was there for three weeks. What I saw and learned, about other people and about myself, allowed me to go forward into my life with more honesty than ever before.
Dick’s mum’s advice - not to draw holidays into life - is very sound indeed. But only if you see life, or maybe vacations, in certain ways.
For me, vacations are just like life but with the windows rolled down. Sometimes it’s good to let the weather in.
February 11th, 2007 at 6:21 am
Hi Meg, I have been looking over your blog for the past few days now. Enjoying it a lot. I’d say travel, experience the world, life & make friends, have adventures - but don’t forget about Vancouver. There r plenty of people who would kill to live there! Including yours truly!
Have a great Valentine’s Day ahead of u.