risks.
Every time I’ve taken the wheel of a golf cart, eaten yogurt past the expiration date, gotten up on stage, made an unpopular argument, yelled at my mother, said “I love you!” first, jumped off a cliff, eaten at Denny’s, cut my hair, cried in front of anyone, gone to the doctor, swatted at a bee, or written something really personal on my blog, I’ve said to myself, “Meg, it pays to take risks.”
And then I do.
All of those things have bitten me in the ass, mind you.
But I’m still here, still going on and on, still feeling things that seem too large for words right up until I find them.
Your responses to my post down there about body stuff? So kind. The links to it? Very sweet. The emails about it? Amazing. And the fact that I’m not yet regretting opening up to a roomful of people I don’t know about something I struggle with daily?
Unheard of.
You might think I’m a pretty open person. After all, I have a blog! About me! About my life! Bloggers are open! They tell you everything! They want you to know the minutiae!
Well, yes. To a degree.
But there are things I’ve never really touched on here, never explored in my writing, and so when I do… oh my. The fear of coming off like an idiot, coming off as obtuse, coming off as self-centered, coming off as internally ugly in some way (though I can be all of those things, in spades. And in flip flops… ) is very real.
You showed me I could stand to be a little less scared.
This has been a hard couple of years. A couple of years full of huge changes.
Blessings, too, yes. Of course. I cannot cry without feeling laughter bubble up shortly thereafter.
I have felt disappointment rock me to the core, though. And experienced the cold sting of rejection. And done stupid things to deal with both of those realities.
But the smartest damn thing I’ve done in a long time is walk through a little bit of it here.
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for responding.
Thanks for being real in return.
Thanks for not rolling your eyes so hard they bounced onto your keyboard and hit the back button. I mean, you may have, some days.
But that’s okay. So do I.
You guys, in every book I write, every anything I accomplish, will always get a mention.
Because you kicked ass first, you kick it well, and you keep kicking me forward to do the next thing I need to do.
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. — Oscar Wilde
February 8th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
I’m here for you anytime.
February 8th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
You are one of my new favorite reads. What a great first post to expose me to your writing.
February 8th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Or, as Miles Davis once said, “Do not fear mistakes. There are none.”
February 8th, 2007 at 7:45 pm
Meg, if I was feeling any better and was over this flu, I’d totally go all the way to Van to give you a big hug. You are inspiring and have us in stitches everyday and sometimes at the same time. You rock! I only wish I could be as open and honest as you.
February 9th, 2007 at 12:44 am
This post just brought me a big smile.
February 9th, 2007 at 3:55 am
That we do is only because you repeatedly give us good reasons to. For which I’d like to say thank you. I bet you’ve only just gotten started good and it’ll be great to see how far you go.
February 9th, 2007 at 7:37 am
I have to say I came to your site through a few of those links and I read your whole About Me page and you just seem like a really wonderful person. I can’t wait to read more of what you have to say. I love that you ask questions about your readers and that you really want to know people.
I also loved this entry because I sometimes have a hard time taking risks when I am writing and in daily life and it’s good to know I’m not the only one.
February 9th, 2007 at 9:29 am
hello, meg, my dear. i just read the body post…sorry i am just getting to it now. and i wanted to say thank you…as a “relatively height-to-weight proportionate” girl who has inwardly obsessed over weight (but never too much to give up chocolate or ice cream or any other food for that matter), and who is learning to let all that go as i become wiser and less concerned with what others think of me, i wanted to say “bravo” to you for writing that post with such honesty. i also want to say “F-you” to all the jackasses who have ever had the gall to say something negative to you as far as your body is concerned. and i also wanted to say that if you ever get near enough for me to touch you, i will probably hug every inch of your body…no matter how big or small it may be.
February 9th, 2007 at 10:59 am
You rock Meg! Love to read your blog every. single. day.
Keep ‘em coming :-)
February 9th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
That was like a little internet hug.
So thanks.
I totally needed that.
You are awesome.
February 9th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
You keep making me cry with your latest posts! And I really don’t cry at many things. I could not be more grateful for finding your blog. If I could only read one blog for the rest of my life, yours would be my choice. No hesitations.
February 10th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
“Bitten in the ass” is my middle name! You take risks, you take your chances. It’s what makes life interesting. Sometimes you win sometimes you lose but you can’t quit playing. That’s what it’s all about. Can I come up with any more trite phrases, maybe. I’ll have to work on that. Keep on keepin’ on!