25 Things I Never Need To See Again…

  1. The inside of my sinuses on a giant screen.
  2. One particular high school production of Oklahoma.
  3. These photos.
  4. A brown recluse spider inside my pants.
  5. Fresno
  6. The Penis Tree
  7. Paris Hilton. At ALL.
  8. This seagull.
  9. Britney’s… girl parts.
  10. An email in my inbox from the Rev. Fred Phelps.
  11. Gastrointestinal outbreak.
  12. An episode of Married With Children
  13. A Creed album release
  14. The wikipedia entry for this
  15. The outskirts of Portland
  16. My high-school math teacher — I DO TOO UNDERSTAND CALCULUS.
  17. The Canucks losing in a playoff Game Seven
  18. The Tesoro station in Longview, WA, and that man who told me “Sure, the men’s room is free.”
  19. The art of Billy Dee Williams.
  20. Survivor
  21. This website.
  22. That turn-your-eyelids-inside-out trick
  23. Cold Lake, AB
  24. My cell phone dropping into the ocean
  25. A jellyfish stuck to my ass.