megfowler.com

Tomorrow is the last day of the year.

Uh, WHAT?

I’m sorry, but 2006 was probably the most temporally disorienting year in the entire history of my life. Sometimes it went fast, sometimes it went slow, and sometimes it just went.

That being said, “it is” is about to be a “it was” (say that four times fast), and so I’ve decided to put together the MegFowler.com Year in Review.

I mean, the big magazines and news shows do it, so why not a tiny Canadian blog written by a less-tiny Canadian blogger?

You’d rather read this than “Duck Decoy Annual”s round-up, right?

(Don’t answer that. I can’t really live with that answer.)

So, without further ado…

WHAT WENT DOWN, YO.

Major events:

• Current roommate and uber-bombshell Catherine moved to Vancouver in January, and joined Kerry and I in the Apartment from Hell.
• I met my first fellow-blogger in February, the lovely and talented Patia:
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• Nancy had the Alien in February as well, who went on to be the babytoast (I love that word) of Blogland:
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• In March, I actually went to the doctor to get my health back in gear. Which may not seem like a major event to YOU, but to me? Life-changing. And the process it set in motion has turned out to be equal parts dream and nightmare.
• In April, I turned 32 in a haze of drugs and revelry. Okay, not really. But I did go out for dinner and get a lot of flowers.
• In May, I received the news from my specialist that I was 100% infertile, perimenopausal at an absurdly young age, and in possession of an autoimmune condition that would affect me for the rest of my life. This was less than awesome. I’ve written about it a few times since then. Still working through everything that comes along with that news.
• In June, we MOVED TO THE BEST APARTMENT EVER WITH THE BEST DECK AND WOW. Which is good, because the old apartment was KILLING ME. Damn, as it were. We moved without Kerry, which was sad AND completely okay, because SHE GOT MARRIED at the end of that same month.
• In July, we had both a heatwave and an Eric wave.
• In August, nothing really happened. Except lots of posts. And I was attacked by a seagull.
• BUT! IN SEPTEMBER! WE WENT ON VACATION! TO CALIFORNIA! IN A CAR! Here are some of the posts I made from the road (all in my September archives), and about the trip itself. Mostly, we were happy to hang out with our friend Eric. Try to ignore the fact that I look like Satan in the photo below:
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• In October? Not much, really. Except for obsessing about good clothes and good love.
• But OH, the November! Not only was Vancouver blessed with a rare dump of the white stuff, our water became brown stuff. Ew.
• In December, there was something about awards. And I inspired the next generation. And ranted about entertainment feminism. And trolls. And loved Christmas at length. And fantasized about dinner companions. Then Catherine and Jesus had birthdays. Also? The whole family thing can get hard.

(Please excuse the formatting. I kept trying to fix it, then I plucked out my own eye.)

And that brings us to now. And lots of top 10 lists all night. Let’s start with this one:

10 things I haven’t managed to stop doing this year:

1. Clapping like a baby seal when I’m excited.
2. Using this? Sentence construction in my writing.
3. Replying to emails when the conversation is long dead.
4. Smiling without teeth.
5. Staying awake all night.
6. Apologizing.
7. Eating things that are overly spicy.
8. Swearing.
9. Deleting posts.
10. Making little noises for everything from photocopying to putting down Scrabble tiles.

More to come…

James Brown or Marvin Gaye?

Chinese or Indian takeout?

Fleece or knitted blanket?

Girls with makeup or without?

Costco or Whole Foods?

Wildflowers or arrangements?

Tradition or shakeups?

Cello or trumpet?

Watch-wearing or no?

Salt water or fresh (to swim in, not drink)?

Pants or shorts?

Chatspeak or absolutely NOT?

Digital camera or old-school?

Wireless or plugged in?

Waltz or tango?

Brian Williams or Anderson Cooper?

Time or Newsweek?

Waterbed or mattress?

Cream and sugar or not?

CNN or BBC News?

iTunes or something else?

Scented candles or unscented?

Prairie or mountain?

Socks or barefoot?

Matt Damon or Ben Affleck?

Brass or pewter?

Wool or cotton?

Willow tree or pine?

Gerald Ford or Jimmy Carter?

France or Italy?

Electric or gas stove?

Thrift store or outlet?

Japanese garden or English garden?

Sophia Loren or Liz Taylor?

2006 or 2007?

1. Only the best song ever.
2. This man’s art, for a taste of my childhood in the Yukon (my mom was his substitute art teacher.)
3. These design links, to see lovely things.
4. What this says about you (but never trust an online quiz.)
5. Everything here.
6. This astonishing resource.
7. How to make stuff.
8. All these lovely recipes.
9. Music to your ears?
10. I really DON’T know clouds at all…

1. Omelet
2. Rooibos
3. Bliss
4. Tuba
5. Snuggle
6. Ookpik
7. Swizzle
8. Marshmallow
9. Dewdrop
10. Snooze
11. Timpani
12. Chortle
13. Fuzzy
14. Chubby
15. Moonboot
16. Toothy
17. Frisky
18. Nubbly
19. Duckling
20. Tuft
21. Jigger
22. Snapdragon
23. Jangly
24. Bobble
25. Toque

1. The inside of my sinuses on a giant screen.
2. One particular high school production of Oklahoma.
3. These photos.
4. A brown recluse spider inside my pants.
5. Fresno
6. The Penis Tree
7. Paris Hilton. At ALL.
8. This seagull.
9. Britney’s… girl parts.
10. An email in my inbox from the Rev. Fred Phelps.
11. Gastrointestinal outbreak.
12. An episode of Married With Children
13. A Creed album release
14. The wikipedia entry for this
15. The outskirts of Portland
16. My high-school math teacher — I DO TOO UNDERSTAND CALCULUS.
17. The Canucks losing in a playoff Game Seven
18. The Tesoro station in Longview, WA, and that man who told me “Sure, the men’s room is free.”
19. The art of Billy Dee Williams.
20. Survivor
21. This website.
22. That turn-your-eyelids-inside-out trick
23. Cold Lake, AB
24. My cell phone dropping into the ocean
25. A jellyfish stuck to my ass.

Check this out, married and unmarrieds alike. (You may have to register, but it’s worth it.)

Did you know these things before you got married? And if you’re not married, do you plan to know them before you get married?

Or do you think mystery is better, and that everything gets figured out in time. Or, better yet, do you think you just know the answers intuitively?

I’m a die-hard question asker and semi-pro interrogator. I’d have no problem asking any of these questions.

But what do you think?

• Create emotion-themed playlists in iTunes (ANGRY! saaaaaaad…. Happy! Conflicted?)
• Do stretches before bed again… they worked! What?! (In other words, I enjoyed about 40 minutes more rest by falling asleep more quickly, which is a MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH for the Patron Saint of Insomnia)
• Find a good carbonara recipe
• Choose new hairstyle that makes me look neither shaggy, nor uptight, nor cougar-ish, nor trying too hard, nor domesticated
• Start actually taking useful notes in Moleskines
• Marry John Legend, even if his lyrics make him sound like a cheating git (not so much on the new album)
• Look into voice lessons
• Book time off work in summer to force myself to vacation
• Make dentist appointment to fix the damn chip on my FRONT TOOTH
• Finally put endless stream of laundry where it belongs in my room
• Choreograph interpretive dance to Brian McKnight’s “Back At One”
• Eat entire roll of SweetTarts
• Make sudden and horrible realization that tomato products of all kinds make my body unhappy (Seriously. It’s the common thread….!)
• Plan tomato-free week
• Laugh at the phrase “tomato-free week”
• Stop bitching about shoes, be thankful I have them
• Get over weird obsession with Weather Network

And also want to wear khakis again. I think I’m confused.

But check it out here.

I’m back at work.

And it’s really not grindstone-y, don’t worry. It’s just normal Worky McWorkersons territory, with lots of stuff to do and my usual cast of jolly co-workers toiling away nearby.

NOT TO MENTION SUNSHINE BEHIND ME. Which I should probably turn around and stare at as often as possible, given that it will be gone by tonight or tomorrow.

So really? Nothing to scoff at.

But, there are a few things I could scoff at, if forced to scoff:

• Oddly-smiley staring man at my bus stop. He’s there every day. I don’t know what he’s staring at. I don’t know what he’s smiling at. But I always think he’s about to lunge and bite. If he does, I’ll let you know.
• Shoes. I can always scoff at shoes. But the heeled boots were making my toes swear in six languages this morning.
• The weather isn’t QUITE cold enough. I’d like it about five degrees further down the scale. Enough to make my ears turn red. That’s perfect.
• My wireless router — which used to be really good at hitting all the corners of my home with signally goodness — now seems to get tired of sending the internet past, like… the living room. Which is where it lives. Freakin’ router. I suppose that’s good on one hand, though, because it means I can’t lie in bed and surf the web before I “fall asleep” (I have to put that in quotes, because it’s both rare, and a bit of a misnomer.) Apparently, people who use their laptops in bed have a tendency to have less deep, nourishing sleep. In response to this: the only things in life I require depth and nourishment from are my coffee cup, The New Yorker, and the NHL.
• Seriously, what is the deal with Technorati, Bloglines, and Alexa? Lies. All lies. Rankings, feeds, pinging, all wrong.
• My earring just stabbed a hole in my shoulder. Oops. The leaf ones, Mom. I should probably grow a neck to avoid further risk.
• When voice mails show up TWO DAYS LATER on my phone. Time sensitive voice mails, no less. Friggin’ frickity frack.
• And finally? COFFEE IS COLD. I’d walk out to get more, but shoe feet say NO. NO, STAY IN.

How is everyone this morning? Back at work?

Lollygagging with your laptops in bed, ruining your sleep patterns?

Do tell.

And if you say “sunglasses”, you’re close… but no banana.