My mind works in mysterious ways. I don’t know why I think about the things I do when I think about the things I do. All I know is that, of all the things I do? Thinking is the most mysterious.

1. The term BFF drives me bonkers (I almost left “boners” there as a typo. That’s GOLD.) as currently overused in celebrity coverage (and by telling you this, I shamefully admit to taking in “celebrity coverage.”) Just because two people spend time together or are photographed together, must they rush in and say that they are now locked at the hip forever and ever (forever ever? Sorry, Mrs. Jackson)? It’s a snarky way of saying that famous people could never POSSIBLY have sincere friendships and EVERYTHING must be a grab for attention. Whatever. This might be true. But I’m just not prepared to re-use an acronym that is currently rotting in my JUNIOR HIGH YEARBOOK.
2. Frost is probably the nicest thing ever. That’s a complete and total exaggeration, but that’s what I thought when I rode past a frosty forest glade (which may well be the actual name of a brand of air freshener) this morning. JUST THE NICEST THING. And yet still? Wearing flip flops.
3. I had to take an Advil Cold and Sinus last night — the COLD OF CERTAIN DOOM is back in effect, just FYI — and woke up this morning before my alarm. Isn’t that awesome? No morning drug groggitude to slow me down! Unfortunately, it just hit me like a pillow to the face. Three hours later. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE.
4. The fluffy blue ghost I bought yesterday to haunt my desk is the exact shade of the mug from which I am currently drinking my coffee which is also the same shade as the cap on my Evian water which is also the same shade as the sky outside. COINCIDENCE? I think not.
5. Technorati? Total crap. Sometimes I check it and it says I haven’t updated my blog in four days. WE KNOW THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE. It also edits out a ton of inbound links. I don’t know why I care about any of that crap but I might as well get it out in the open right now: I CHECK THINGS. I CAN’T STOP. DON’T JUDGE.
6. I had no idea there was such a hard-core “childfree” movement out there. Every time I post about infertility, I get an email from someone telling me I should be THANKFUL, DAMMIT because I won’t be bringing small people onto this apparently better-off-completely-dying-out-from-lack-of-procreation earth we’re living in. I always find this really odd, since I clearly state that I DON’T FEEL LUCKY and KIDS ARE NEATO and GIVE ME ONE. Not now, mind you, later. But still! Know your audience, my childfree pals! Anyone who posts pictures of her friends’ children on her blog and has stopped sending her ovaries Christmas cards just so they’ll know she’s NOT IMPRESSED is probably not going to rejoice with you in your lack of personal midgets.
7. The zipper on my jeans is broken. I’ve had said jeans for two weeks. Ask me how this makes me feel. No, wait, I’ll just tell you… saves time. I DON’T LIKE IT. Checking my pants every few minutes for “gape” is freaking me out a little.
8. I make the coffee too strong when I make it at work. This is what my co-workers say. So I want to know ONCE AND FOR ALL, what is the correct cup-to-tablespoon/scoop ratio? I’m not going to tell you what I do — I’m happy with it, mind you, and so are most of my friends — but what do YOU do?
9. I am going to stop telling men that flowers are a waste of money. Not that anyone is offering to buy me any… it just comes up in conversation now and then, and while I know it to be true — you could spend that money on groceries! Or rent! Or coffee! — I have to admit, I love to give and receive les fleurs, even as they are a frivolous use of the bling. Especially from boys. LET IT BE KNOWN TODAY.
10. Today, I have a mad craving for onion rings. Why onion rings? WHY IS MY BODY SO WEIRD?