megfowler.com

Yesterday was a DAY.

Believe you me.

I was so pathetic that I drew a happy emoticon on a yellow balloon and taped it to my desk so that SOMEONE would be smiling at me. You know you’re not doing too hot when you make the effort to create new friends with a black Sharpie.

I don’t think there was a single hour yesterday where I didn’t want to either throw up or throw up my hands in exasperation (or both, which — while challenging — might have been rather cleansing.)

I had crazy hormones making my body freak out. I had a migraine from the time I woke up. My coffee tasted bad. Everything I ate seemed stale. My clothes felt too big and too goofy. I bumped into walls and door frames. I crashed my computer four times. I couldn’t write anything useful to save my life. Even my cute bronze shoes gave me a hell of a blister and the zipper on my jeans broke.

And I was melancholic in the EXTREME. Which is not really like me. I’m generally more of a happy emoticon balloon. But I should probably apologize to a few people for some random texts, emails, phone calls, and squidgy faces I made during the course of the day.

(Sorry about those. I’m not actually going to kill anyone or toss myself off the balcony or throw my tea at the bus driver or eat my weight in SweetTarts, don’t worry.)

Poor Catherine even got a rant when she got home. Not directed at her, of course — we don’t fight about anything but Nancy Grace and Oprah — but MAN. I had a head of steam going.

I was going to delete my indulgent little post about wanting to delete all my entries when I woke up this morning and felt like a whiny brat, but I’m leaving it there to remind myself not to TAKE EVERYTHING SO BLOODY SERIOUSLY (although bleeding? I will continue to take that seriously.)

And I’m doing better today. My health stuff is still off-track, and I can feel my body is quite out of sorts, but my heart is back in the game and I know I can handle life again. These months have been a rough adjustment to a new way of being and a new future, but I really don’t want to face it with anything but hope and optimism and humour.

So, stay tuned.

I’m back.